Talk:West End Girls/GA1

GA Review

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Lead

• The first version of the song was produced by Bobby Orlando, and was released in April 1984, becoming a minor hit in the United States… "minor hit" is a POV.

I changed it to club hit

• I noticed the lead goes into charting detail, to what the song detail, and then to awards detail. It would be best to have the song detail, then the charting detail, followed by the awards detail.

Changed

Recording and production

• they struck up a friendship… What does this mean?

Changed

• …Orlando offered to produce the duo. → …Orlando offered to produce for the duo.

Added

• In 1984, the band recorded three songs with Orlando… With this wording, it seems that Orlando is part of the duo.

Changed

• Lowe played one chord and the bassline. "chord" should be wikilinked to its appropriate article—readers may not know what a chord is.

Linked

Music and lyrics

• Lowe and Hague created a snaky, obsessive rhythm punch for the music… What does this mean?

The reference have this: "Lowe and producer Stephen Hague created a snaky, obsessive rhythm punch for the music, relentless and full-bodied, classically '80s in sonic style but with a heft that most other mainstream productions couldn't hope to touch." I really don't know how to clarify it, do you have any suggestions?

• The song focus on class, and inner-city pressure, introducing existential anxiety, and urban neurosis to the melody, though Tennant later said that the commonly accepted vision of the song being about rough trade was not intended. This sentence needs a rewrite; it's not well put together and a bit confusing.

I split it in two sentences. Don't know if its better now.

Music video

• I notice that many of the sentences under this section start with "then". This can use some tweaking.

Done

• …the video shows shots of people walking in the subway… → …the video shows shots of people walking into the London Underground metro system…

Changed

• then cuts to a brief shot of an iconic red double decker bus… Iconic to who?

Removed iconic

• …American products that dominate the mediascape. Is this necessarily relevant to the article?

Removed

• Overall, this section needs a good copy-edit.

I changed it a bit

Chart performance

• The song was a minor hit in the United States… Same issue as I explained in the lead section.

Changed, it was supposed to said club hit

• Dates of when the song began to chart or peaked aren't needed.

I think this is a matter of preference, many articles have even more detailed Chart performance sections.

• Across Europe, "West End Girls" was largely successful… "largely successful" is another POV concern.

Changed

Overall

Overall:

I am placing the article on hold for seven days to allow for the above concerns to be addressed. DiverseMentality 19:30, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

I did everything but one comment on the "Music and lyrics" section, I don't know if you can help me with that part. Thanks for your time and for reviewing the article. Regards. Frcm1988 (talk) 05:08, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

I've done a slight copy-edit to the article, so it seems to be all good now. All concerns have been addressed, I'm passing the article. Good work! DiverseMentality 19:57, 7 March 2009 (UTC)