Template:Did you know nominations/Jabali Upanishad

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The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Keilana|Parlez ici 20:48, 26 July 2015 (UTC)

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Jabali Upanishad[edit]

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Trinity of Gods Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva

Created by Nvvchar (talk). Self-nominated at 14:03, 10 June 2015 (UTC).

  • QPQ, hook is an appropriate length, the article is new, and I don't see any problems with the text (Dup check with the only online source passes, and I must assume good faith that the article does not copy/paraphrase the offline refs). The only problem with this hook is that the article Brahma is poorly referenced and also has a tag that it may contain original research. Such articles should not be featured on the main page (even if they are not the main article in the hook). Can you propose a different hook? Or at least change the hook to avoid a link to Brahma. AHeneen (talk) 01:07, 15 June 2015 (UTC)
  • @AHeneen: Thanks for the review. I was not aware of this rule. I am suggesting the following ALT1 hook with a different image.

Portrait of a person wearing the Bhasma (holy ash)

ALT1 hook ... that according to Jabali Upanishad smearing of the holy Bhasma by a person (pictured with holy ash on the forehead), whether he is a celibate brahamachari or renouncer, gives him the authority to worship all the divine beings? --Nvvchar. 04:22, 15 June 2015 (UTC)

A couple adjustments to the hook:
  • Use one term for "holy Bhasma" and "holy ash". I suggest using "holy ash", which is a link to Bhasma.
  • The hook length is within the 200 character limit, excluding "(pictured with holy ash on the forehead)". Can the caption just be limited to "(pictured)"?
  • The source says "whether he is a Brahamachari or Sanyasi". Is sanyasi the same as a renouncer? Should the Hindu terms be used (Brahamachari & Sanyasi)? Or translations, like "celibate Brahamachari" and "renouncer"?
  • It could be: ... that according to the Jabali Upanishad, smearing of holy ash by a brahamachari or sanyasi on their forehead (pictured) gives him the authority to worship all the divine beings?
AHeneen (talk) 22:27, 15 June 2015 (UTC)
  • @AHeneen: Thanks. I defer to your suggestions. I propose this ALT2 hook ... that according to the Jabali Upanishad, smearing of holy ash by a brahamachari or sanyasi on their forehead (pictured) gives him the authority to worship all the divine beings? --Nvvchar. 23:59, 15 June 2015 (UTC)
  • The hook is ungrammatical, whose forehead is smeared and who is being referred to by "their" and "him"? Gatoclass (talk) 07:05, 25 June 2015 (UTC)
Thanks for noticing that! "Him" should be changed to "them" and "the" could be added before "smearing", making:
ALT2 (corrected) ... that according to the Jabali Upanishad, the smearing of holy ash by a brahamachari or sanyasi on their forehead (pictured) gives them the authority to worship all the divine beings?
Their & them refer to brahamachari/sanyasi. AHeneen (talk) 13:15, 25 June 2015 (UTC)
  • I am suggesting ALT3 hook ... that according to the Jabali Upanishad, the smearing of holy ash on the forehead (pictured) gives a brahamachari or sanyasi the authority to worship all the divine beings? --Nvvchar. 20:25, 7 July 2015 (UTC)
ALT3...it addresses the ambiguity concerns better than the corrected ALT2 I suggested above. AHeneen (talk) 13:31, 8 July 2015 (UTC)
  • ALT3 looks fine except for the word "authority" which isn't quite accurate. The source says "fit" which isn't quite the same thing. I'm trying to think of an appropriate substitute for "fit" but haven't come up with one yet. Gatoclass (talk) 21:24, 12 July 2015 (UTC)
@Gatoclass: maybe remove the word? Victuallers (talk) 21:51, 21 July 2015 (UTC) ALT4 hook ... that according to the Jabali Upanishad, the smearing of holy ash on the forehead (pictured) allows a brahamachari or sanyasi to worship all the divine beings?
  • It still doesn't look quite right to me, and I'm struggling to come up with an alternative. Perhaps we should go with a totally different hook instead. How about:
  • ALT5: ... that the Jabali Upanishad explains the significance of the three sacred streaks of ash drawn across the forehead of a brahamachari or sanyasi? Gatoclass (talk) 03:35, 24 July 2015 (UTC)
  • That is fine with me.--Nvvchar. 13:11, 24 July 2015 (UTC)
Victuallers, any chance you could review alt5? Gatoclass (talk) 02:42, 25 July 2015 (UTC)
Gatoclass - not obvious to me .. I can't find the word "sanyasi" in the article to find the ref.... and brahamachari is used in a sentence that confirms one odf the earlier alts. Could you pick an alt that is a reffed sentence in the article and then ping me? Victuallers (talk) 08:26, 25 July 2015 (UTC)
Victuallers, I corrected the article to point to the correct links, could you try again please? Gatoclass (talk) 02:31, 26 July 2015 (UTC)
Alt 5 only That does it. Thanks to all. Victuallers (talk) 16:10, 26 July 2015 (UTC)
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