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Introduction

Adolescent abuse towards parents is a problem in the United States as well as other countries around the world but it is something not often discussed or reported. Child abuse and spousal abuse are discussed, but parents abused by their own offspring are still considered by many to be a taboo subject. Reasons for this may be parents feel ashamed and/or think they should be able to handle the situation by themselves without outside assistance. In addition, some parents may feel it is not safe for them to attempt to control the situation for it might enrage their child more. But any form of abuse is harmful to the victim as well as the abuser and may lead to more serious consequences if ignored. Identifying or admitting there is a problem is the first step to finding a solution to adolescent parental abuse and seeking help through intervention is the next to attempt resolve problematic adolescent behavior.

Defining ages of the abusers

An adolescent is a young person between the ages of 12 and 24. This age range is the developmental stage between childhood and adulthood. This does not mean that 12-24 is the only age range of abusers; they can be younger than 10 years old, in fact, 11% of the abusers may be less than age 10.

Types of Abuse

According to Cottrell and Bobic, abuse may appear in one or a combination of five forms; physical, verbal, psychological, emotional, and financial. Bobic mentioned only four of the five listed abuses; verbal abuse was not included in his 2004 article, Adolescent Violence Towards Parents. The list below is not in total but illustrates some forms of each type of abuse:

Physical abuse

Described as slapping, shoving, pushing, kicking, spitting, punching, breaking or throwing things, punching holes in walls or breaking in doors, or the used of any form of weapon (knives, guns, baseball bats, etc).

Verbal abuse

Described as name calling, yelling, swearing, or demoralizing comments.

Psychological abuse

Described as bullying, instilling fear, or intimidation.

Emotional abuse

Described as playing malicious mind games, threatening to run away or commit suicide, staying away from home overnight and not telling the parents where you are, refusing to do as told, making unrealistic demands, hurting pets or siblings, controlling the running of the household, making parents feel like they are inadequate or crazy, lying, or actually committing suicide.

Financial abuse

Described as stealing parents’ things or money, destroying the home or parents’ property, incurring debts the parents are responsible for or demanding purchases the parents cannot afford.

Multiple causes of abusive behavior

According to Purplefairy, many people consider parent abuse to be the result of bad parenting, neglect, or the child suffering abuse themselves, but many adolescent abusers have had normal upbringing and have not suffered from these situations. Children may be subjected to violence on TV, in movies and in music, and that violence may come to be considered "normal." The breakdown of the family unit, poor or nonexistent relationships with an absent parent, as well as, debt, unemployment, and parental drug/alcohol abuse may all be contributing factors to abuse. Some other reasons for parental abuse according to several experts are:

• arguments getting out of control;
• aggressive behavioral tendencies;
• frustration or inability to deal with problems;
• not having learned how to manage (or control) angry feelings;
• witnessing other abuses at home can cause similar behaviors;
• lack of respect for their parents – perceived weakness;
• lack of consequences for bad behavior;
• fear;
• drugs and alcohol;
• gang culture;
• not having adequate role models;
• not being able to properly deal with a disabled or mentally ill parent(s);
• revenge or punishment for something the parents did or did not do; and
• mental illness.

History

Parental abuse is a relatively new term. In 1979, Harbin and Madden released a study using the term “parent battery” but juvenal delinquency, which is a major factor, has been studied since the late 1800s. Even though some studies have been done in the United States, Australia, Canada, and other countries, the lack of reporting of adolescent abuse toward parents makes it difficult to accurately determine the extent of it. Many studies have to rely on self-reporting by adolescents. In 2004, Robinson, of Brigham Young University, published: Parent Abuse on the Rise: A Historical Review in the American Association of Behavioral Social Science Online Journal, reporting results of the 1988 study performed by Evans and Warren-Sohlberg. The results reported that 57% of parental abuse was physical; using a weapon at 17%; throwing items at 5% and verbal abuse reported at 22%. With 82% of the abuse being against mothers (5 times greater than against fathers) and 11% of the abusers were under the age of 10 years old. The highest rate of abuse happens within families with a single mother. Mothers are usually the primary caregiver; they spend more time with their children than fathers and have closer emotional connections to them. It can also be due to the size and strength of the abuser and women are often thought of as weaker and even powerless. Parental abuse can occur in any family and is not associated with ethnic background, socio-economic class, or sexual orientation.

Numerous studies concluded that gender does not play a role in the total number of perpetrators; however, males are more likely to inflict physical abuse and females are more likely to inflict emotional abuse. Studies from the United States estimate that violence among adolescents peaks at 15-17 years old. However, a Canadian study done by Barbara Cottrell in 2001 suggests the ages are 12-14 years old.

Parental abuse does not happen just inside the home but can be in public places, further adding to the humiliation of the parents. Abuse is not only a domestic affair but can be criminal as well. According to Purplefairy, many parents may recognize some of these signs as "normal" teenage behavior, but those suffering from parental abuse may have experience physical harm, damage to property, theft, and bullying at the hands of their teenage children. This causes parents to lose complete confidence in themselves as parents and is debilitating for the child because the parent loses complete control leading the teenager to be unsupported. Most teenagers experience a normal transition in which they try to go from being dependent to independent. There will always be times of resistance toward parental authority. According to the Canadian National Clearinghouse on Family Violence the abuse generally begins with verbal abuse. Usually the child or adolescent shows no remorse or guilt and feels justified in the behavior. Parents must exam their children’s behavior and determine if it is acceptable or if it crosses the line of abusiveness. Teenagers get man, they have trouble dealing with their emotions, that is all part of growing up but there is a line that should not be crossed and parents may determine where that line is. This practice often helps discourage abusive behavior and not be tolerated.

Typical Model of Parent-Adolescent Abuse Interaction

According to Spitzberg the typical interaction leading to parental abuse often seems to occur in the following sequence:

• (a) the adolescent makes a request;
• (b) the parent asks for clarifying information;
• (c) the adolescent responds courteously and provides the requested information;
• (d) the parent acknowledges the teen’s point of view but decides to say “no” based on the information provided, while possibly continuing the conversation regarding a possible “next time”;
• (e) the adolescent tries to change the mind of the parent by asking the parent to explain the decision, sometimes using the information to continue to challenge the parent until certain that the answer would not change; and
• (f) if the parent holds firm to his or her decision, the teen may start using abusive remarks and threats, harass the parent by following the parent around, and finally responding with verbal threats, physical force, emotional abuse, and often destruction of property or financial damage.

These types of aggressive behaviors are very important to recognize for appropriate treatment of adolescents and parents abused by the same. Yet the escalation of violence is an interactive process. When parents or others overreact and intervene emotionally, they can cause the adolescent’s aggression to escalate to a higher level.

Intervention

Intervention is perhaps the best solution to confront adolescent parental abuse and the key to turn aggressive behavior by adolescents, teenagers, and young adults during its early stages and help prevent any other form of parental abuse from taking place. Intervention should never be confused with child abuse or child neglect. Joined parents usually have much better opportunities to successfully confront parental abuse by adolescents or teenagers. Parents and other problematic adolescent consulting entities can work together on solutions for managing the problem of parental abuse whether it is directed at one or both parents. Parents can only work together and succeed if they talk to one another to understand the full extent of the problem and this phenomenon.

Confronting Adolescent-to-Parent Abuse through Intervention

Adolescent violence and parental abuse is a significant problem that has been neglected by clinical researchers throughout the years. Although this is clearly a family issue, abusive adolescents and indeed fathers are reluctant and unlikely to seek counseling trying to preserve their ego and self-image. On the other hand, mothers, the main targets of abusive behavior, are the most in need of assistance, yet there remains no reported clinical evaluation of a group intervention supporting mothers in this situation. Confronting adolescents, teenagers or young adults experiencing erratic abusive behavior is not an easy task and mostly evaded by frightened parents perhaps confused by the situation or whose preference may be to remain in a state of denial.

Although it is expected for parents to take charge of the household and family matters, many times parents lose control and awareness of the situation in the secrecy of their own homes. Male parents may try to remedy some situations by directly confronting an offspring using the typical “Macho man” male figure but unable to control the circumstances perhaps resulting from adolescents drinking or drug abuse effects. These situations tend to precipitate into bigger problems for parents or often get out of control where the safety of the whole family may be jeopardized by other forms of abuse, threats, or even causing the death of another family member and suicide attempts. No matter the circumstances, what the situation may be, or how it originates – parents are advised to be on the alert or consider the possibility of immediate intervention as their ultimate responsibility to confront abusive adolescents and their behavior. Many situations could enable parents to question adolescents and attempt to prevent future abusive behavior. However, other situations may require constant observation of the adolescent behavior, routine day-to-day activity patterns, and non-verbal communication signs to decipher when something is wrong or happening in the home.

Although not necessarily associated with gang activities -- peer pressure at school, sports teams, and similar friendships may put enough or help push the stress limits of adolescents. This may encourage them to wear a distinctive kind of dress or hair style to include talking in certain street “lingos” or communicate in ways parents and other family members or relatives are unable to relate. Adolescents may imitate popular music singers and make up words to communicate among each other to send messages only understood by their inner circle close friends. Regardless of the improvised forms of communication displayed by adolescents, there are numerous other signs and situations that may signal parents that something is wrong. No matter what those signs may be, parents vigilance over their home premises, personal vehicles, businesses and/or other properties may serve as a deterrent to inadequate or unpredictable adolescent behavior. Periodic search of adolescent rooms and belongings may be conducted by parents in order to discourage abusive behavior inhibitors such as illegal drugs or alcohol abuse and to maintain law and order in the household for the safety of other children and the family as a whole. Searches may be conducted in the absence of adolescents when they are at school, working or attending other extra-curricular activities. This helps prevent direct confrontation with them or perhaps running the risk of the situation escalating to physical aggression in retaliation against the parents for what they may consider invasion of their personal space and privacy.

Parents may exercise their authority as adults to confiscate any physical evidence found in violation of criminal law and/or request police intervention if the evidence or the situation would merit such decision as an alternative. Though, painful for some parents to make such a decision against a son or daughter – some situations may require the attention of law enforcement and the judicial system(s), juvenile or adult. This could serve as further deterrent to future adolescent-to-parent abuse, domestic violence directed against family members, or to prevent other aggravated episodes of malicious aggression from taking place.

See also

• Bullying
• Child abuse
• Child neglect
• Domestic violence
• Gangs
• Juvenile delinquency
• Runaways
• Substance abuse
• Teenage rebellion

Further reading

• Retrieved 26 May 2012 from http://www.parentlink.act.gov.au/parenting_guides/teens/abuse_to_parents
• Retrieved 26 May 2012 from http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=99&id=1729
• Retrieved 26 May 2012 from http://www.angelsthatcare.org/silent_abuse.html
• Retrieved 5 June 2012 from http://ladyria.us/causes/parent_abuse.htm