User talk:Jamaistroptard
| This user is a student editor in Carleton_University/Analyzing_Cinema,_Gender,_and_Sexuality_(Fall_2019) . |
Welcome![edit]
Hello, Jamaistroptard, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:12, 6 September 2019 (UTC)
Miwa Matreyek[edit]
Minor revisions necessary. This is a great start! You have found some excellent sources. Before moving your work to mainspace, I recommend the following revisions:
- Split the text up into sections. Make sure the lead section is no longer than one paragraph.
- Format the section headings (“Career”) as “Headings.” (Select the text, go to “Paragraph” and change to “Heading.”)
- Fix the error on reference #4 and fix the capitalization.
- When you move your text to mainspace, make sure not to overwrite the text that is already there.
Chronophoto (talk) 17:38, 22 October 2019 (UTC)
Peer Review[edit]
Firstly, there’s definitely a lot of great information here, and your sources all seem to be good. The formatting in the introduction section could use a bit of cleaning up - perhaps just keep “Miwa Matreyek is a director, animator, designer, and performer working in Los Angeles, California,” and add the rest to a subsection such as “Early Life.” This would improve the article as a whole and allow it to look more legitimate. As for the “Career,” section, perhaps instead of breaking each bit up into sections, the two beginning parts regarding Matreyek career as a performer could be part of one paragraph and her work as a director could be added to a separate paragraph. The article is on it’s way to being perfected, but these things would allow it to fully appear finished. Southerngothics (talk) 01:44, 4 November 2019 (UTC)
Peer Review[edit]
This was a very interesting article and a unique choice to do your assignment on. You have a lot of facts on the filmmaker's methods and pieces that they have made. This adds substance and validity to the article as well as the filmmaker's credibility. My main advice is that I would be careful in some of the sentences you have which position her work in a non-neutral way, also claims which do not necessarily have facts to back them up. Specifically, "Two years later, in 2009, Matreyek's work was globally praised with the release of a short film that will change her career, Panorama City (2009)." How did this change her career? What was its importance? Answering these questions would help validate this claim. As well, elaborating a bit more on some of the general themes of her works as opposed to her focusing more on her awards and accolades, (albeit important!) would give more nuance to the article and Matreyek as a filmmaker. All in all, a really interesting article to read and I think you'll do well, you captured my interest in this filmmaker!Sivan 99 (talk) 21:57, 5 November 2019 (UTC)