Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Jameson's mamba/archive1
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 25 September 2021 [1].
Jameson's mamba[edit]
Right, have been cleaning up after an indefblocked user and decided to get this snek to a Stable Version. Less is known about it than other mambas. Have scoured the net for anything remotely of interest to lay readers as possible and feel it reads well prose-wise...so is in striking distance of FA-hood. Have at it. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 19:48, 20 August 2021 (UTC)
Images are appropriately licensed. Nikkimaria (talk) 20:18, 20 August 2021 (UTC)
- Do you guys think that the infobox image would be better with this [2] or [3]? DarwinClean (talk) 01:31, 4 September 2021 (UTC)
A few suggestions[edit]
Jameson's mamba (Dendroaspis jamesoni) is a highly venomous snake native to equatorial Africa. This slender species of mamba (genus Dendroaspis) reaches around 2.2 meters (7.2 ft) long and has dull green upperparts and cream underparts. Described by Scottish polymath Thomas Traill in 1843, ......"
Needs more alt text, especially in box
- (Additional comment)
Additionally, if you liked these comments, please take a look and comment on my submission here Chidgk1 (talk) 13:12, 21 August 2021 (UTC)
Support Comments from Jim[edit]
I made a couple of minor tweaks to the lead, please check. Here are my toxic nitpicks. Jimfbleak - talk to me? 13:10, 23 August 2021 (UTC)
- it has a slender build with dull green upperparts and cream underparts— replace "with", which doesn't work, by a comma.
- contemporary of Traill's— contemporary of Traill or Traill's contemporary are grammatical
- The average total length (including tail) of an adult snake is approximately 1.5–2.2 m (4.9–7.2 ft). — lose "average" if you are giving a range
- combat with each other for mates for breeding (and then breed)— clunky, and "with each" is redundant, perhaps 'fight each other for access to females and then breed
- Smaller individuals of under 100 cm in length—convert
- three-finger toxin agents—I have no idea what that means
- All looks good, changed to support above Jimfbleak - talk to me? 10:56, 24 August 2021 (UTC)
Funk[edit]
- I'll come back with a fuller review once I'm done with some other reviews. At first glance, the imagery seems a bit underwhelming, nothing on Commons that could spice it up?[4][5] There is also a potentially interesting Flickr photo of a man handling a snake (perhaps for the venom section?):[6] FunkMonk (talk) 17:02, 24 August 2021 (UTC)
- Perhaps write common names after the binomials in the taxobox?
- You only give nationalities for some of the people mentioned.
- "subsp. jamesoni, Korup National Park" Should this caption start with a capital letter? Same issue for other captions.
- Since this is the type species of the genus, the etymology of the genus name could be given, as it may pertain specifically to this taxon?
- "the more venomous subspeces" Needing i in subspecies.
- "Snakes of Medical Importance" Why capitalised here when it isn't in the article body?
- I wonder if anatomical direction terms like ventral would be better replaced with common terms?
- "and adjacent Democratic Republic of Congo" The adjacent?
- How long are the fangs? Any general description of the teeth?
- Could be mentioned if its generic name is related to its climbing habits?
- Anything on speed?
- Link mongoose?
- "In Nigeria males fight each other for mates for access to females" The last part seems repetitive?
- "Democratic Republic of the Congo" appears to be a duplink, just with a "the" added. But isn't there some guideline not to link countries?
- Shouldn't the fact that its an elapid be mentioned in the taxonomy section rather than under description?
- Link dendrotoxins?
- "from a suspectedly venomous snake" Suspected?
- How does it differ from other green mambas?
- Link arboreal in intro.
- Support - that's it from me, nice to see another snake here! FunkMonk (talk) 16:16, 2 September 2021 (UTC)
Source review[edit]
Spotchecks not done. Version reviewed
- "reaches around 2.2 meters (7.2 ft) in length" - the text has a range for length, and oddly gives a different conversion - is there a reason for the difference?
- The symptoms of envenomation also differ between lead and text. Suggest checking that all facts in the lead are supported by the text, and resolving inconsistencies where they exist
- FN2: the domain need not be included in the citation - the website name is sufficient
- FN4: why is the complete page count included?
- FNs 1 and 5 are to the same site but differently formatted
- Be consistent in whether books include publication locations. Nikkimaria (talk) 01:34, 6 September 2021 (UTC)
Support Comments by Z1720[edit]
This is a non-expert prose review.
- In the infobox, in the first image caption it says, "Subsp." I assume this means subspecies? I suggest using a template like "{{abbr|Subsp.|Subspecies)}}" here.
- In the infobox, the scientific classification is given but there's no citation, and this information is not in the article body. Should it have a citation, like is used for synonyms?
- I've never seen citations anywhere else in the taxobox. Much of the information is beyond the scope of the article and is covered in the larger group articles higher up, such as Mamba (which should have more of a discussion on where mambas lie in the poisonous snake family Elapidae, which looks at the family's characteristics and place in the snakes etc. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 00:47, 16 September 2021 (UTC)
- "Jameson's mamba has between 15 and 17 rows of dorsal scales at midbody, 210 to 236 (ssp jamesoni) or 202 to 227 ventral scales (ssp kaimosae), 94 to 122 (ssp jamesoni) or 94 to 113 (ssp kaimosae)" I suggest that the abbr template also be used for ssp here.
- "Its eyes have three preocular, three postocular and one subocular scale." Why is postocular wikilinked, and not preocular? Shouldn't the first instance of the term be wikilinked?
- "and species of mongoose" -> "and a species of mongoose" or "and the mongoose species"
- "Symptoms of envenomation by this species" Suggest wikilinking envenomation, since the last use of this word was in the lede.
- "ISBN 978-1421427195." This ISBN is missing some hyphens, making it inconsistent with the other entries.
- I checked the lede to ensure all of the information is mentioned in the body, and found no concerns.
Those are my thoughts. Please ping when you are ready for a second look. Z1720 (talk) 02:05, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
Comments Support from TRM[edit]
- "has a slender build" why can't that just be "is slender"?
- "by Scottish polymath Thomas Traill in " -> "by Thomas Traill, a Scottish polymath, in " I think fewer people know what a polymath is than what Scottish means.
- "nominate subspecies" what is that?
- "Symptoms of envenomation" in humans presumably, unless the bird's speech is slurred somehow?
- "3 to 4 hours" three/four.
- "a lower murine median lethal dose (LD50)." this is utterly meaningless to most readers. Is it necessary in the lead?
- "doctor, zoologist and scholar of medical jurisprudence" you called him a polymath in the lead but not here. Maybe you should call him a polymath here too and include the things he did.
- "at Edinburgh University where" at the University of Edinburgh.
- I think you can link genus.
- "by Auguste Duméril" who was he?
- Shouldn't you link subspecies in the lead?
- "that it had a lower number of" -> "that it had fewer"
- " It may grow as large as 2.64 m (8 ft 8 in).[11]" this is very precise. Do we really mean that there has been an example of one such mamba at such a length?
- You linked Kenya but not Nigeria? Be consistent.
- "containing a small eye and round pupil" just the one eye in this species?
- supralabial is linked but sublabial is not?
- "the Democratic Republic of Congo" the Congo.
- Same "Republic of the Congo".
- "eastwards to Togo, Nigeria," you link Nigeria here.... but mentioned it earlier.
- "Rwanda and the adjacent Democratic Republic of Congo." the Congo.
- And I would have a comma after Rwanda.
- "primary and secondary rainforests" what's the difference?
- now linked to Old-growth forest and secondary forest Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 06:25, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- "elevations up to" of up to.
- "Found in primary ... found in areas..." not glittering prose.
- "Jameson's mamba is a highly arboreal snake" then "almost exclusively arboreal snake" repetitive.
- "due to its arboreal nature ... Since this species is arboreal..." wow, you've said it enough.
- "eating rodents in ... to eating them " repetitive, perhaps switch one for "consuming"?
- "Snake of Medical Importance" sounds notable, no article, redlink?
- good point - have redlinked - I think a subsection of Venomous snake is most prudent. Will read up on it and think... Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 06:40, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- "within 3 to 4 hours" etc, see comments on this lot above.
- "child perishing within" dying?
- "intravenous murine median lethal dose (LD50) of 0.53 mg/kg" probably needs a footnote to explain what on earth this means.
- "Member of the three" Members? And is that just a general comment, i.e. a footnote, rather than specific to this species?
- "Trivalent and monovalent" what do they mean?
- Any information on the conservation status of this species? IUCN links? Or even a comment to say it isn't in their red book?
Very interesting article. One day I'll buy you a beer and recount the story of someone picking up a Fer-de-Lance in Costa Rica, thinking it was a grass snake.... The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 20:17, 16 September 2021 (UTC)
- I'll trade you where a friend nearly trod on a sunbaking tiger snake (missing by <10cm) while I was next to him...anyway over to you @The Rambling Man: Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 07:56, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Hi @The Rambling Man: It's been a week, so I thought I'd give you a reminder. Gog the Mild (talk) 21:01, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
- Bloody hell, how quickly time flies. And how did this drop off my to do list? Ok, I'll take a look tomorrow. Apologies if I'm holding anything up..... The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 21:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
- Okay, had another look, and my concerns have been addressed, so that sounds like a support to me! If you fancy another "different" kind of article to review, pop on over to UEFA Euro 2012 Final! Cheers. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 09:12, 24 September 2021 (UTC)
- Bloody hell, how quickly time flies. And how did this drop off my to do list? Ok, I'll take a look tomorrow. Apologies if I'm holding anything up..... The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 21:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
- Closing note: This candidate has been promoted, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see WP:FAC/ar, and leave the {{featured article candidates}} template in place on the talk page until the bot goes through. Ian Rose (talk) 01:14, 25 September 2021 (UTC)
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.