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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 17 February 2019 [1].

Jomo Kenyatta[edit]

Nominator(s): Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:52, 18 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about one of the most prominent figures in twentieth-century African history: Jomo Kenyatta, the first President of Kenya. A prominent anti-colonial activist who spent time in both Britain and the Soviet Union, he later underwent several years in prison, accused (likely falsely) of masterminding the Mau Mau Uprising against British colonial rule. On being released, he was elected Prime Minister and soon transformed Kenya into a republic with himself as President. A conservative who pursued a Western-aligned path during the Cold War, he is often known as the "Father of Kenya". Since getting the Nelson Mandela article to FA status a few years ago, I have worked on improving articles about other African post-colonialists. This article was brought to GA status in November 2017 and I believe it now ready for FAC. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:52, 18 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

  • Suggest adding alt text
  • Captions that are complete sentences should end in periods
Done. Midnightblueowl (talk) 12:37, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • File:The_entrance_to_the_Nairobi_Railway_Station_in_1899.jpg is not own work - looks like the uploader's had a number of other images on Commons deleted due to copyvio
  • File:Julius_Nyerere_cropped.jpg: when/where was this first published?
  • I have not been able to ascertain this so have switched to another picture of Nyerere: File:Julius Nyerere (1965).jpg. Midnightblueowl (talk) 12:44, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • File:Kenya_presidential_standard_JOMO_KENYATTA.png: source? Nikkimaria (talk) 04:04, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • I have found a web source and added it to the original Wikimedia Commons file. Midnightblueowl (talk) 12:50, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Sources review[edit]

A couple of minor MoS points:

  • ISBN formats should be standardised
  • Publisher is missing from the Murray-Brown book

Generally: I don't have access to most of the sources (the Elkins book, which I do have, is alas only "further reading"), but as far as I can see the range, quality and reliability of the sources useed is beyond question. I note that among the biographical works the most recent was published in 1972; is there no more recent study of Kenyatta's life that could be used?

As part of due diligence I will spot-check some of the JSTOR articles. Brianboulton (talk) 17:43, 29 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

As far as I am aware, the 1972 biography of Kenyatta by Jeremy Murray-Brown is the most recent monograph to explicitly present itself as a one-volume biography. However the two volumes written by W. O. Maloba and published in 2017 and 2018 are, essentially, a biography of Kenyatta, even if they are not explicitly described as such. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:50, 29 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I have now formatted the ISBNs in the Bibliography section. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:55, 29 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
And I've also added the publisher location for the Murray-Brown book! Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:24, 29 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Spot-checking reveals no further problems: all sources issues now resolved. Brianboulton (talk) 16:00, 2 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I think if you add hyphens to some ISBNs you should add them to all, or remove the hyphens. Maybe this is not required, just something that stuck out to me. Kees08 (Talk) 02:32, 30 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Sabine's Sunbird's review[edit]

Ooof, this is big. But no one else has taken it on yet, so I'll have a go. May take a while.

  • Childhood: c.1890–1914 - in the first paragraph, it might be worth noting that he was given the name Kamau at birth - since it isn't obvious.
  • they were shamba folk, shamba is not linked or defined but it is in italics- some help here for non-experts?
  • I checked the RS and it doesn't really go into great detail on this matter. I think the best thing is just to remove "shamba" altogether here. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:29, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ngengi was harsh and resentful toward these three boys, with Wambui deciding to take her youngest son to live with her parental family further north. a slight non sequitur - if Ngengi was harsh against all three boys, why only take one, and in fact leave two that were not his own with him?
  • That I do not know, I'm afraid. I'll try and avoid the non sequitur by shifting the wording slightly to "Ngengi was harsh and resentful toward these three boys, and Wambui decided". Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:47, 3 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Several months after arriving, Kenyatta was taken ill with tuberculosis.[16] this doesn't really link to anything, is it needed?
  • Sorry, I should have been clearer, I meant the whole sentence. The whole sentence fails to link to the wider story, and can go. Sabine's Sunbird talk 20:41, 4 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • The order of the paragraph starting Kenyatta's academic progress was unremarkable, is a little disjointed - it jumps around temporally.
  • There is a general problem of "so what?" about some of this early life stuff. It would be nice to provide more context as to why it matters or possibly how it ties in with his later philosophy, if its possible. Example In 1913, he underwent the Kikuyu circumcision ritual; the missionaries generally disapproved of this custom, but it was an important aspect of Kikuyu tradition, allowing Kenyatta to be recognised as an adult. It would be nice to be more explicit about how it was his choice, as clearly he placed some importance on his maintenance to his customs over western ones.
  • The English is a touch choppy too, and perhaps a touch archaic or old fashioned? - example Asked to take a Christian name, he chose both John and Peter after the eponymous Apostles in the New Testament. The missionaries however insisted that he select only one, and so he chose Johnstone, the -stone being selected because it was a Biblical reference to Peter.[23] Accordingly, he was baptised as Johnstone Kamau in August 1914 might be better as Asked to take a Christian name for his upcoming baptism, he first chose both John and Peter after Jesus' apostles. Forced by the missionaries to choose just one, he chose Johnstone, the -stone chosen as a reference to Peter.[23] Accordingly, he was baptised as Johnstone Kamau in August 1914.

Okay I'll continue to review later. On the whole I'm impressed by the level of work that's gone into this. Sabine's Sunbird talk 01:12, 30 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

  • Many is doing a lot of seemingly contradictory work in these two closely related sentences. At the time, the British Empire was engaged in World War I, and the British Army had recruited many Kikuyu and and like many Kikuyu he moved to live among the Maasai,
  • I've changed the second instance to "other"; do you think that that works? Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:57, 3 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • a Church Mission School. should this be in caps if not referring to a specific one?
  • I was following the example of the reliable source cited here, but you're right, it doesn't make a lot of sense to use capitals here. I'll switch it to lower case. Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:57, 3 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • the suspension was in response to his drinking I assume that this was just drinking while the member of a dry Christian sect, rather than some form of alcoholism, but it would be good to clarify
  • I think so, although I'm not sure how to add extra information on this point without making the sentence in question a little unwieldy. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:08, 3 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Kenyatta lived in Kilimani, maybe clarify that this is a )posh) neighbourhood in Nairobi.
  • Various political upheavals occurred in Kikuyuland Kikuyuland as a region/territory is neither explained or linked here.
  • Unfortunately we don't seem to have an article on that topic although many articles already make reference to it. I've added "the area inhabited largely by the Kikuyu" on its first mention. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:02, 3 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the summer of 1929, he left London and visited Moscow via Berlin, alleging that the trip had been financed by an African-American friend. He returned to London in October. Re: my theme of significance above, is there anything significant about this visit? If not, why include it?
  • Traveling so widely in this period was fairly uncommon; even more so for an African. For that reason, I think it has some pertinence. It is something mentioned by he biography and my concern would be that, were it omitted, another editor would come and re-insert it, perhaps without the appropriate citation. Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:57, 3 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thinking about this further, I think that there probably is extraneous detail here which can be removed. I will endeavour to do so. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:21, 9 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • issue and Thuku's exile, with the atmosphere between the two being friendly.[70] Following the meeting, Grigg convinced Special Branch to monitor Kenyatta. I think an in spite of this might link the two sentences together )in front of following. Sabine's Sunbird talk 02:50, 30 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks for your comments, Sabine's Sunbird. I appreciate you taking the time to do this. There are a few points that I have yet to address as I wish to consult the sources, but I will get to them. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:18, 3 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

  • He was soon joined at the mission dormitory by his brother Kongo;[19] the longer they stayed, the more that many of the pupils came to resent the patronising way many of the British missionaries treated them in the context of the sentence, the they seems to imply that the brothers were responsible for all students coming to resent the missionaries.
  • A fair point. I've broken this into two sentences to try and correct this misimpression. Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:59, 9 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • During his time in the country, Kenyatta also visited Siberia, probably as part of an official guided tour. This sentence seems out of place in the start of the paragraph it is in which is mostly around Afro-Soviet relations, and can probably be moved to the previous paragraph for better flow.
  • the structure of the two paragraphs on Facing Mount Kenya is a little off. The critical reception/impact of the book is split up into two places, towards the end of the first and then second paragraphs. It also seems a touch weird to lead with the photo on the cover when discussing it, possibly the least important thing about it.
  • I see your point. I've re-organised the sentences in those paragraphs so that the critical/reception element is all moved to the second paragraph, as is the discussion of the book's cover image. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:17, 9 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • they were assisted by Kwame Nkrumah, a West African who arrived in Britain earlier that year. why not Ghanaian? Better yet "Gold Coast (Ghanian) activist"
  • If I remember correctly, I went with "West African" because I wasn't sure if "Gold Coastian" was really a proper term, but your proposed suggestion looks good to me so I'll make the change. Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:59, 9 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • in which he again blended political calls for independence with romanticised descriptions of an idealised pre-colonial African past. it's not clear where he did so before? Facing Mount Kenya I assume? Sabine's Sunbird talk 20:41, 4 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Yes. I could get rid of the "again", if you like? Or change "again" to "as in Facing Mount Kenya"? Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:08, 9 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Okay let's keep going: Sabine's Sunbird talk 00:43, 12 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • accepted a post on an African Land Settlement Board, holding the post for two years how did this square with his earlier opposition to these boards?
  • To be honest, I'm not sure. As far as I can recall, the RS didn't go into any depth on the issue. Kenyatta was clearly someone willing to change his mind on various things, particularly if it suited his political advantage, and this should probably be seen in that light. Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:35, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Also more generally, why is there no article on these boards to link to? (No action required, just a question)
  • A lot of Wikipedia's coverage of Africa-themed topics is very patchy. Obviously, this is probably due heavily to the comparatively low levels of internet usage in much of that continent, but hopefully will be corrected over the coming decades. Midnightblueowl (talk) 12:52, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • The section Presidency of the Kenya African Union: introduces two extra wives (along with the one added in UK) again it would be interesting to track the development of his social thinking in this area, given that he felt compelled to have a proper Christian wedding for his first, assuming any sources can be found
  • I don't think that any of the sources really go into any depth on this subject. Later in the article we mention some of his views regarding polygamy versus monogamy. Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:32, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • founded as the only political outlet for indigenous Africans in the colony what does this mean and why was there only one? It seems odd that no other parties would have been founded before this.
  • I'm not 100% sure but I think that earlier groups might have been shut down by the government. I've changed the wording to "at that time it was the only active political outlet for indigenous Africans in the colony.". Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:32, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • party business was conducted in Swahili, a language spoken by many groups. the last bit is a touch odd, maybe Swahili, the lingua franca of indigenous Kenyans.?
  • Kenyatta publicly distanced himself from the Mau Mau. and in private? It's not clear from the following sentences what he felt in private, some suggest his private views matched his public, others are more ambiguous. Whatever Kenyatta's views on these developments, suggests he it may not be known - if so this should be made explicit.
  • I'm not really sure if there's much evidence for what Kenyatta's private thoughts were at the time, or at least, if there is then I haven't come across it in my reading. Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:32, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the section on the trial, it would be nice to put some contextual information around the two locations as they are both noted as being far from anywhere in Kenya - example Lokitaung, in the far North West of Kenya or Kapenguria, a remote area near the border with Uganda that the authorities
  • They assembled an international and multiracial team of defence lawyers, maybe "The defendants" instead of "They"?
  • he faced government harassment and death threats. I'm guessing he didn't receive death threats from the government so maybe rephrase slightly
  • I've gone with "was sent death threats" to separate the two points a little. Midnightblueowl (talk) 12:56, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • and the others were freed in July 1953, although immediately re-arrested. "Only" might work better than although"
  • I'm not sure on this point. "only immediately re-arrested" doesn't read quite right to me; it would need to be "only to be immediately re-arrested", which I can change it to in the article. Midnightblueowl (talk) 12:56, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • It is likely that political, rather than legal considerations, informed their decision to reject the case. on the one hand this seems massively understated, on the other I can't shake the feeling that the opinion needs an attribution. It's a shame no one has dug through British records to confirm what seems manifestly obvious
  • I've appended "According to Murray-Brown," to the start of that sentence. Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:02, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ghana's President Nkrumah—who had met Kenyatta during the 1940s— earlier in this article it was stated they did more than meet. Moreover, as we are reintroducing him it may pay to elaborate on that somewhat - Kwame Nkrumah - Kenyatta's fellow activist from the 1940s and now president of a newly independent Ghana or something to that effect. Sabine's Sunbird talk 05:09, 16 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Between my comments and everyone else's I'm happy to Support now. Good work. Sabine's Sunbird talk 21:22, 8 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Wehwalt[edit]

Just starting this,

  • I might try to be a bit less verbose in the opening paragraph. Since he was the first prime minister, he is self-evidently the first head of government, indiginous or not.
  • Would not the preceding Governors of Kenya be considered head of government? Bear in mind that there were a little over forty years in which Kenya was run by white governors. Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:35, 3 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Infobox: Wouldn't the president's predecessor be the Queen?
  • Difficult to say. She was the previous head of state, but not the President of Kenya. I don't really mind either way, so long as we make things clear. Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:35, 3 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "exiled in" Is he exiled if it is in Kenya?
  • I think "exile" works here; he was restricted to a particular area, far from his home. I certainly don't mind changing the term, however, if something better arises. Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:35, 3 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "internal exile" is the usual phrase, but don't bother linking it - just redirects to exile & is not covered, which it certainly should be. Johnbod (talk) 02:54, 14 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "he was given the honorary title of Mzee and lauded as the Father of the Nation, securing support from both the black majority and white minority with his message of reconciliation." this has a bit of a feeling of hagiography.
  • I tried to mirror the style of the fourth paragraphs in the A-rated Nelson Mandela and Vladimir Lenin articles, and wanted to balance both the praise and criticism that he had received. Would you recommend any specific alteration of prose in this point? Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:35, 3 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
More soon.--Wehwalt (talk) 01:19, 3 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • I will look at your responses, and say something if I have more to say. Otherwise assume I'm satisfied.
  • " Wambui bore her new husband a son, whom they also named Muigai.[10]" A fine point, they had not named anyone Muigai, so the also is a bit dicey. If you feel it is fine as is, don't feel obliged to make a change.
  • I don't really mind either way, but having "also" perhaps just helps to make it clearer that this isn't the same Muigai mentioned shortly before (not that anyone should confuse them, but you never know). Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:37, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Ngengi was harsh and resentful toward these three boys," I might say "the" for "these", there are no other boys mentioned.
  • "Having completed his apprenticeship to a carpenter," I would say "the carpenter" as you have mentioned a specific person before, the mission's carpenter.
  • "World War I" maybe "the First World War", if this article is written in British English?
  • "who had refused to fight for the British war effort.[30]" Do you fight for the war effort or fight for the British?
  • "After the British Army conquered German East Africa, Kenyatta relocated to Nairobi " what is the relevance of the conquest of GEA? And when was this? Our articles seem to focus on the military campaign and do not make it clear when there was effective control.
  • "Kenyatta wanted a wife, although his first attempt failed when it was revealed that his proposed bride was related to his clan.[35]" can it be made clearer why this was not allowed? "in violation of custom" or similar is probably enough.
  • The reliable source does not actually make this clear; it simple says that "Kenyatta's first bid for a wife failed as she turned out to be related to his own clan." On further thought, however, I'm not sure that this sentence is really necessary at all, so it might as well be removed altogether. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:35, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "she initially moved into Kenyatta's family homestead,[35] although joined Kenyatta in Dagoretti when Ngengi drove her out.[35] " I think you need a "she" before "joined".
  • "Christian civil marriage" isn't this a bit of a contradiction?
  • By "civil marriage" I meant something that was recognised by the state, but I agree that the wording can cause issues, so I can remove "civil" without problem. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:32, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "shillings" advise pipe to East African shilling lest there be confusion with the historic British currency.
  • "regulate land exchange". I'm not sure exactly what this means.
  • "which treated Kikuyu land as a collective entity" maybe "which treated Kikuyu land as collectively-owned"
  • "translating things into Kikuyu" Maybe cut "things".
More soon.--Wehwalt (talk) 20:08, 4 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Grigg's administration could not stop Kenyatta's journey but instructed London's Colonial Office not to meet with him.[63] " I don't think a colonial governor had the power to tell the Colonial Office (effectively, the Colonial Secretary, one of HM's ministers) what to do.
  • "Drummond Shiels, the undersecretary-of-state" of the Colonial Office?
  • "unaware as to the nature " I might say "unaware of the nature"
  • "As Secretary of the KCA, Kenyatta soon met with church representatives." I might cut "soon" it isn't clear what it refers to.
  • "and John Arthur—the head of the Church of Scotland in Kenya—later complained about what he described as Kenyatta's dishonesty during the debate, expelling him from the church.[85] " Maybe after the second dash "later expelled Kenyatta from the church, citing what he deemed dishonesty during the debate" or some such. I think the expulsion should come first, in other words.
  • Just out of my curiosity, did Kenyatta have contact with Jinnah while in London in the late 20s and early 30s? No action required.
  • I've definitely come across any claim to this end; if I had, I would certainly have included it. That being said, I suppose the idea could not be ruled out. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:56, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Geneva, Switzerland" just Geneva is enough. The reader knows.
  • I'm not sure on this one. Those of us living in Western countries would surely be familiar with where Geneva is, but would the same be true of someone who might be reading this from Kenya or Tanzania, or somewhere else like that? I'm not too fused either way. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:38, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " to which both Padmore and Kenyatta were affiliated." I would expect the first word to be "with" but it may be an engvar thing.
  • Are Robeson's political leanings worth mentioning?
  • I'm certainly not averse to doing so, but at the same time I'm not sure how to best go about it given that I'm not sure if Robeson and Kenyatta actually discussed political issues (although it wouldn't surprise me if they did). Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:09, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "pursuing a gradual campaign for independence or whether they should seek the military overthrow of the European imperialists.[168] " I know in India the question was independence by constitutional means, or by violence. If it's the same in East Africa, I might put "gradual campaign for independence" as by constitutional means.
  • Going back to the RS, it refers to "gradualist" and peaceful approaches, but not to constitutional ones. Of course, there is going to be a great deal of overlap between these things, but there could perhaps be gradualist and/or peaceful methods which were not exactly constitutional, like non-violent direct action protest. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:13, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Kenyatta received a call " from who and how? I am sure the telephone is not meant. And to do what?
  • The Murray-Brown biography relates how "the call arrived for him to return home", and that must have influenced by own choice of wording here, but I shall change it to "request". Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:59, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Edna was pregnant with a second child, although she expected to never see her husband again;[173] Kenyatta was aware that if they joined him in Kenya their lives would be made very difficult by the colony's racial laws.[174]" The relevance of the parts of the sentence to each other is not terribly clear.
  • I've reworded (and shortened) that sentence in a manner that I think deals with this issue. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:14, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Was the Koinange school simply for locals or were there white pupils as well?
  • I'm afraid that I don't know, and I've just re-checked the RS, and that doesn't specify who the pupils were either. Given the situation in the country at that time, I suspect that it would have only been for black students (and of those, only those who could afford to pay) but I do not know for sure. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:49, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Nehru's response was supportive, sending a message to Kenya's Indian minority reminding them that they were the guests of the indigenous African population.[191]" Did Nehru say that or was that the implication?
  • The wording used follows the wording of the RS comparatively closely; it refers to Nehru "reminding Indians in Kenya that they were there only as guests of the Africans". On that count, I'm not sure if he stated this explicitly or merely strongly implied it, but I would have thought the former (given that choice of wording). Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:31, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Kenyatta was their principal enemy, an agitator with links to the Soviet Union and who had the impertinence to marry a white woman.[192] " I would cut "and"
  • "Eventually, they charged both him and five senior KAU members with masterminding the Mau Mau, a proscribed group.[212]" I would cut "both"
  • "British lawyer and Member of Parliament Denis Nowell Pritt.[212]" I might call him a barrister rather than a lawyer, if only to prevent a repetition of a word you just used. Is it worth mentioning that it was a multiracial defence team?
  • Happy to change "lawyer" to "barrister" there. I've also added "and multiracial" after "international". 21:03, 11 January 2019 (UTC)
  • In your account of the trial, you mention that the principal witness perjured himself; you give the same information in the imprisonment section. Do we need it twice? And it might be wise in the trial section to mention the strongest point made by the prosecution. There must have been something in their case if it satisfied popular opinion enough, in Kenya and Britain, to keep Kenyatta locked up.
  • I think since you've only mentioned Nkrumah from his London days, mentioning him as President of Ghana in my view could use either a second link, or a reminder that the two knew each other.
  • I don't think we're allowed to have a second link, are we? But I'm happy to clarify that the duo knew each other. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:52, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Kenyatta had kept abreast of these developments, although refused to back either KANU or KADU,[261] instead insisting on unity between the two parties.[262]" I might toss a "he had" before "refused"
  • "illegal oathing" While there's a reference earlier to oaths being sworn in Kenyatta's name, you haven't developed this point in a way it's going to be meaningful for the reader to see this.
  • I've expanded this to say "the illegal oathing system used by the Mau Mau", which hopefully gives a bit more necessary context. Ideally we'd have a separate article on Kikuyu oathing systems more broadly. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:05, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "it would prevent a strong central government implementing radical reform.[284] " Using the term reform is a bit POV. Everyone says what they want changed is a reform.
  • "and a likeness of his face was also printed on the new currency.[298] " I might cut "a likeness of"
  • "advanced powers of arrest" I would say "broad" powers of arrest
  • "To prevent further military unrest, he brought in a review of the salaries of the army, police, and prison staff.[316]" I would be more direct. He caused them to be increased, right?
  • I've added the following to the end of the sentence: "leading to pay rises". Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:45, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Hugh Cholmondeley, 3rd Baron Delamere" I would suggest some mention of who he was.
  • "The government sold or leased lands in the former White Highlands to these companies, who in turn subdivided them among individual shareholders.[371]" are companies referred to as "who"?
Resuming with "Foreign policy".--Wehwalt (talk) 23:11, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "particularly following the assassination of Pio Pinto in February 1965.[306] " I might add, "which some based on Kenyatta."
  • I think that the subsequent sentence already covers that, to some extent. Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:20, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The killing sparked riots in Nairobi,[425] and ethnic tensions were stoked across the country.[434] " the second half of the sentence strikes me as vague.
  • " Kenyatta had introduced oathing, a Kikiyu cultural tradition in which individuals came to Gatundu to swear their loyalty to him.[436] " that's the sort of explanation that's helpful when oathing is first mentioned.
  • I've gone back to the first mention of oathing and changed it to the following: "and they included his name in the oaths they gave to the organisation; such oathing was a Kikuyu custom by which individuals pledged allegiance to another." Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:20, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • It is not clear to what extent Kenyatta was personally involved in the efforts to suppress the opposition. The passive voice is used, in my view, excessively.
  • In a lot of ways, I don't think it is clear what role Kenyatta personally played here. By the latter stage of his life, Kenyatta's affairs were increasingly overseen by a clique around him. When it comes to questions of who committed certain acts, I think there is still much research to be done by historians. Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:50, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • You might want to include a hatnote, or some brief text in the Pan Africanism section explaining what it is.
  • I've added a brief few words of explanation at the appropriate juncture. Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:38, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Grace Wahu died in April 2007.[524] His daughter, Wambui Margaret, became his closest confidante.[525]" The return of the storyline to Kenyatta needs to be better signaled here.
  • I've amended the prose here more broadly in a way that I think deals with the issue here. Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:38, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • The legacy section, even with some detractors at the end, strikes me as on the hagiographic side.
  • I've been reliant on what the reliable sources say, and yes, there is perhaps an argument that they lean on the adulatory side of things. (I've had the same issue with Julius Nyerere). I'm not really sure how to move away from this unless new reliable sources appear that provide a more nuanced take on Kenyatta's life. Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:38, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Support The prose still seems a bit rough in places, but that's not enough to hold up a very comprehensive article. Nicely done.--Wehwalt (talk) 13:37, 31 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comment by SarahSV[edit]

Hi Midnightblueowl, I have a concern about the paragraph on FGM. A minor correction first: Stumpf was a missionary, not a nun.

The paragraph gives the impression that Kenyatta opposed FGM (which was known as irua): "He expressed the view that although personally opposing FGM, he regarded its legal abolition as counter-productive, and argued that the churches should focus on eradicating the practice through educating people about its harmful effects on women's health." This is sourced to Murray-Brown 1974, pp. 143–144, and Berman & Lonsdale 1998, p. 25. The latter doesn't indicate that he opposed it, and I can't see the former.

Kenyatta did tell a British House of Commons committee in 1930 that he was doing "his best to turn people away from the custom" (Janice Boddy, Civilizing Women: British Crusades in Colonial Sudan, Princeton University Press, 2007, p. 245). But according to Boddy, he later backed the position of the Kikuyu Central Association that irua was "essential to Kikuyu identity" (Boddy 2007, p. 246). In Facing Mount Kenya (1938), Kenyatta seems to express strong support for FGM. You can see the relevant chapter here. First, he calls it clitoridectomy, although it's clear that he's describing Type II FGM and perhaps even Type III. Boddy calls his use of the term clitoridectomy an "apparent obfuscation" (Boddy 2007, p. 359, note 54).

He wrote, for example:

The missionaries who attack the irua of girls are more to be pitied than condemned, for most of their information is derived from Gikuyu converts who have been taught by these same Christians to regard the custom of female circumcision as something savage and barbaric, worthy only of heathens who live in perpetual sin under the influence of the Devil. Because of this prejudiced attitude, the missionaries are at a disadvantage in knowing the true state of affairs. Even the few scientifically minded ones are themselves so obsessed with prejudice against the custom that their objectivity is blurred in trying to unravel the mystery of the irua.

SarahSV (talk) 22:35, 14 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your message, SarahSV. I'll take a look at what the Murray-Brown book says and get back to you. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:00, 15 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. It seems that Kenyatta was known for his defence of it. For example, see Silverman 2004, p. 428: "Today, few anthropologists would dare merely to describe clitoridectomy (e.g., Mayer 1952) or to defend it boldly as Kenyatta (1959, pp. 153-54) famously did. But, as Kenyatta's oft invoked apology for the practice demonstrates, all statements about the topic are embedded in complex colonial and postcolonial histories ..." (Kenyatta 1959 refers to Facing Mount Kenya.) SarahSV (talk) 02:49, 16 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Sarah. I've corrected the reference to Stumpf; you are quite right, she was a missionary. Regarding the issue of Kenyatta's views on FGM, I feel that the present article text does fairly reflect what the RS (in this case the Murray-Brown biography) says. On page 144, it makes clear that at that specific meeting in 1930 or 1931, he did express opposition to FGM. The source quotes a February 1931 letter from Arthur to MacLachlan relating that at that meeting, Kenyatta said "that for himself he was opposed to the practice but that the thing could only be done away with by education." The biography also relates (on that same page) that Kenyatta had previously said much the same to the Overseas Committee of the Church of Scotland. Certainly, it appears that around this time, Kenyatta was telling church leaders that he was personally opposed to FGM, even if he thought an outright ban would be counter-productive. Clearly, this differs from the very pro-FGM he took later. The article also notes this; in the fourth paragraph of the sub-section "University College London and the London School of Economics: 1933–1939", the text has the following: "The book also reflected his changing views on female genital mutilation; where once he opposed it, he now unequivocally supported the practice, downplaying the medical dangers that it posed to women." I hope that this helps to clear this issue up. Midnightblueowl (talk) 12:57, 22 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Midnightblueowl, sorry to take so long to respond. Thanks for clearing that up and for fixing Stumpf. SarahSV (talk) 21:25, 8 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
No worries, SlimVirgin; thanks for taking the time to read through the article. Would you consider lending it support as an FA? Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:08, 10 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Midnightblueowl, I focused only on the FGM aspect. I'm not able to read and review the whole article right now, but I wish you all the best with it. SarahSV (talk) 00:21, 14 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Support from SN54129[edit]

This version reviewed; no other reviews read.

A few niggles that jusmped out on a skim. Great article, talk about comprehensive. Congratulations!

  • "have lived in in Nginda"—2x in?
  • Should "among them washing the dishes" have acomma after "them"?
  • I'm not sure, but either way, it might make sense to replace "among them" with "including", which I have done. Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:21, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...and paying taxation without..."; would've thought "taxes" would be easier?
  • For what it's worth, "communists" redirests to "communism".
  • I'll correct this so that it pipes straight to the "communism" article. Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:21, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...attended a much publicised mass meeting..."—hyphenate?
  • "let Mau Mau perish for ever"; I know it's a quote, but shouldn't that be "forever", as that's the sense (presumably) in which he meant it?
  • "...formulated along a cell structure". H'mmm.
  • "and John M. Lonsdale however argued..."—commas around however? It may be a matter of taste.
  • I think that either are acceptable. I'm going to leave them out, if that's okay, but I certainly won't object if anyone else wishes to put them in. Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:23, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • ""a showman to his finger tips"—fingertips?
  • This example is a direct quote, so I'm not sure I should change it, although I would agree that "fingertips" is better than "finger tips". Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:21, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "s can for instance be seen", I think some commas required
  • " in 1965 he for instance received medals", ditto.
  • Jay O'Brien for instance argued ", ditto.
It may well be, of course, that these are stylisms rather than errors. Hope all's well! ——SerialNumber54129 15:03, 24 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Many thanks for you thoughts, Serial Number 54129. Did you have any further comments on the article? Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:28, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I think that my skim read brought everything up (mostly commas I realise now!) that I could find, Midnightblueowl; it's an excellent and informative read—and a worthy counter to WP:BIAS! ——SerialNumber54129 13:51, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for your kind words, Serial Number 54129. Would you consider giving the article your support as an FA? (No worries if you'd rather not!) Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:07, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Ah, you already have! My mistake. Thank you. Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:08, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Support by Jens Lallensack[edit]

  • Muigai—travelled through the forest – I found "through the forest" somewhat irritating, maybe "through a forest" since it is not specified or mentioned before, or just remove?
  • an exception was among white Kenyans, whose assumptions about the Kikuyu it challenged. – seems a bit vague, are these positive or negative assumptions?
  • I suppose it would be possible to state "negative assumptions" here, but perhaps a more apt term would be "primitivist assumptions". Then again, "primitivism" has artistic connotations which are not appropriate here. Accordingly, I've gone with the following wording: "an exception was among white Kenyans, whose assumptions about the Kikuyu being primitive savages in need of European civilisation it challenged." Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:21, 10 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • You have two times the spelling "Masai" and four times "Maasai". What is the difference?
  • As far as I understand it, they are both acceptable spelling variants, but the article should definitely use a standardised spelling, so I have changed them all to "Maasai", which is what we use over at Maasai people. Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:07, 10 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • A Luo anti-colonial activist, Jaramogi Oginga Odinga, was the first to publicly call for Kenyatta's release – maybe add a date here?
  • I'm afraid that I can't access the book that I used as a source here anymore. Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:21, 10 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Kenyatta shut down the Lumumba Institute – Maybe interesting to add what this institute was doing?
  • It was involved in education/teaching. I'll add that into the article. Hopefully, one day Wikipedia will be able to have an article on the Lumumba Institute itself. Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:24, 10 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • His name looks like as it is derived from the name Kenya, but later you state its derived from a belt. Maybe move that last bit of information up to the point where his name is first discussed (there, you only mention that he chose it as it sounded African).
  • I believe that the similarity between "Kenyatta" and "Kenya" was a bit of a happy accident (for Kenyatta himself, that is). I've gone back to the source that mentions the beaded belt (Murray-Brown 1974, p. 75.) and unfortunately it doesn't make it crystal clear that Kenyatta took his name from the belt. It implies it, and it seems to be obvious (at least to me), but it doesn't state it outright. Accordingly, I'm not really comfortable with making a statement in the prose that I can't directly support with an RS. Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:32, 10 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Scrap that, I think that Murray-Brown's wording is sufficient that we can take a leap here and make it clear that it was because of the belt that Kenyatta began styling himself "Kenyatta". Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:34, 10 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Kikiyu – is this a typo?
  • Apart from these nitpicks, there is not much to say. Very interesting article, reads fluently. --Jens Lallensack (talk) 21:59, 5 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Many thanks for taking the time to read the article and offer your thoughts, Jens. Do you feel able to offer your 'support' for this article's promotion as an FA? Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:37, 10 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Coordinator comment: We are getting close to wrapping this up. Unless I've missed it somewhere, we still need at source review. One can be requested at the top of WT:FAC. Sarastro (talk) 23:10, 13 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Squeamish Ossifrage[edit]

Looking at sourcing, per coordinator comment:

  • I'm not sure why Jones 1940 is cited in such a different manner (inline in the reference) than other book-format sources. Also, an OCLC would be nice here.
  • You're right, this should be standardised. I've moved the sentence into a note, and formatted the reference itself in a manner akin to those of the other sources. Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:37, 16 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • The "Wahu Kenyatta mourned" reference has a number of problems. First, it's a "hand rolled" citation instead of formatted with a cite family template, so it doesn't match the styling of the other references. Also, it appears to be the only article title given in sentence case instead of title case. Additionally, it's an incomplete citation; the article was bylined by "Samuel Otieno and Maina Muiruri".
  • Argh, I really should have fixed that months ago. Must have slipped me by. Apologies. It's fixed now. Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:57, 16 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • The Business Daily reference is also incomplete (it has an author: Kiarie Njoroge).
  • ISBNs should ideally all be presented as properly-formatted ISBN-13s. Many of the ISBN converters online will help you tidy these up.
  • I've made sure that all of the ISBNs have a dash immediately after "978". Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:54, 16 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • You have quite a few book and journal entries in the Further Reading section. That's not necessarily a problem, but I'd like some insight into the philosophy of why they're not useful as actual references but are worth being listed.
  • There are different reasons for the different sources. In the case of Donald Savage's article, for instance, it is basically the academic publication of a primary documentary source. Of use to historians examining the period, and thus worthy of being listed, but perhaps not so useful for the purposes of Wikipedia sourcing. In the cases of the books by Delf, Macharia, and Watkins, the issue was one of access. These are rare, out-of-print books; they are not so old, however, that they have fallen out of copyright and thus become readily available on the internet. I was able to access some books by either buying them cheaply second-hand or by visiting libraries, but in other cases I just wasn't able to secure access. Hopefully someone else may be able to gain access to them in future. The Elkins book is about late colonial Kenya in general; it could be cited in the article, and should be of interest to anyone who wants to delve into the subject more deeply, but isn't really essential sourcing for an article about Kenyatta specifically. Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:25, 16 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • I have a different question about The Black Man's Land Trilogy (and, for that matter, the Kenyatta Profile short film in the EL section). If there have been films featuring the life of Jomo Kenyatta (especially notable films), is there a reason that's not covered at all in the article body? I would think that a "Cultural depictions of Jomo Kenyatta" section might be appropriate. In any case, if the film remains in §Further Reading, it needs to have a properly formatted citation to match the other sources cited.
  • I wasn't really sure what to do with this. In the end I think that the best thing to do, at least for now, is just to get rid of it altogether. If reliable sources become apparent that discuss it, then we can use them to describe the film in the article body. Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:16, 16 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • As for the external links, I have no problem with the British Pathé newsreel (although I might prefer you provide a little more context/bibliographic information to its listing. On the other hand, I'm pretty dubious whether the two other external links meet the standards for inclusion. I'm not sure exactly what the "Mzee Jomo Kenyatta" link is, but it begins with: "Disclaimer: Please note that this information is taken from a variety of sources, and I cannot personally vouch for its accuracy.", which doesn't really make me think it's a useful resource for readers. Likewise, I don't really see why the Kenya Travel Ideas website is an authoritative source of additional information...
  • Sources cited appear reasonably comprehensive. There are fewer Kenyan authors cited than I'd consider strictly ideal, but to some extent that may be simply unavoidable. I'm unqualified to determine if that has any negative effect on neutrality or depth of coverage. One potential additional source that I identified is:
Muigai, Githu (2004). "Jomo Kenyatta and the Rise of the Ethno-nationalist State in Kenya". In Berman, Bruce; Eyoh, Dickson; Kymlicka, Will (eds.). Ethnicity and Democracy in Africa. James Currey. pp. 200–217. ISBN 978-1-78204--792-6. [note that there's also a University of Ohio Press edition of this; I can't vouch for page numbers between editions!]
I think that the lack of Kenyan authors (or African authors more broadly) is a fairly endemic problem in providing coverage of African history here at Wikipedia. We're dealing largely with developing countries that have not had the opportunity to build large scholarly communities with the resources to produce substantial research outputs (South Africa is a little bit of an exception). Hopefully, that will change over the coming decades (and I actually hope that better coverage of African history on Wikipedia will provide some small assistance in that) but we're definitely not there yet. I don't think I can access the Muigai book that you cite at present, but I'll add it to the Further Reading and if I can gain access in future then I'll incorporate its findings into the article. Thank you for finding it! Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:48, 16 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Random spot checks against sources I had available doesn't reveal anything particularly worrying in terms of source misuse or copyright violation, so I think this can also be considered an Official Source Review™.

Lean support here. The reference-formatting issues are pretty trivial fixes, although a couple of my other concerns might be marginally more substantive. Sorry to raise obnoxious issues at the 11th hour, honest! Squeamish Ossifrage (talk) 04:50, 16 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Squeamish Ossifrage: I appreciate you taking the time to look at the article and assess it, thank you. I've responded to your various points. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:01, 16 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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