Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Vazgen Sargsyan/archive2

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by User:Ian Rose 04:26, 23 August 2013 [1]..

Vazgen Sargsyan[edit]

Nominator(s): Երևանցի talk 05:54, 20 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I am renominating this for featured article because I believe that enough work has been done (by me and by a few other users) since the last nomination on July 23. I did some cleanup and hopefully reduced the number of grammar mistakes, I also reworded a couple of sections to make them more clear to the reader. Although I requested a peer review, nobody actually reviewed this article :( probably because Armenian military history and politics aren't one of the most interesting topics here. Երևանցի talk 05:54, 20 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose, 1a, and recommend withdrawal. The principal piece of advice given in the last nomination was that an independent copyedit was needed by a professional-level English writer. This doesn't seem to have been done, and the article still suffers from basic grammatical issues. Random pot-shots:

  • "Vazgen Sargsyan helped the Pan-Armenian National Movement (PANM) to win the election and pass the constitutional reforms."
  • "The 1995 constitution gave the president much more powers"
  • "Vazgen Manukyan, the main opposition candidate, officially received 41% of the vote. Denouncing them he started demonstrations the next day ..." What is "them" referring to?
  • "An estimated of 200,000 people gathered in Yerevan's Freedom Square"
  • "Manukyan led the demonstrators to Baghramyan Avenue, where the parliament building is located and the Electoral Commission was inside the building at the time." Parallel structure needed.

These are just from one little section. I really appreciate your hard work on this article, but I don't think you are a strong enough English-language writer to get this to FA standards on your own. I encourage you to refrain from nominating this again until you've worked with a good copyeditor to get this in line. --Laser brain (talk) 13:43, 21 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Not only I have requested a peer review, which was not taken by anyone, but also a copy-edit a few days ago. It has not been done either, so I just did whatever I could myself. I guess, I'll have to ask more people for a copy-edit. --Երևանցի talk 18:01, 21 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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