Wikipedia:Peer review/Al Pollard/archive1
Al Pollard
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to bring it to FA. It may be a bit short, but there was not a great deal of material on him.
Thanks, ~EDDY (talk/contribs/editor review)~ 00:38, 20 October 2010 (UTC)
- Comments from Jappalang
- Dablinks (tool in the box on the right of this peer review page) shows a disambiguation link; please fix it.
- Done. ~EDDY (talk/contribs/editor review)~ 00:21, 3 November 2010 (UTC)
Lede
- "In his 1950 season, he was Army's statistical leader in scoring and rushing, ..."
- No mention of "Army". Who are they? The US army's football squad, or a team in college football?
- Clarified. ~EDDY (talk/contribs/editor review)~ 00:23, 3 November 2010 (UTC)
- No mention of "Army". Who are they? The US army's football squad, or a team in college football?
- "He was drafted in the 21st round of the 1951 NFL Draft by the New York Yanks, ..."
- Precision (avoid misunderstanding that the drafts were held by the Yanks): "He was drafted by the New York Yanks in the 21st round of the 1951 NFL Draft, ..."
- Done. ~EDDY (talk/contribs/editor review)~ 00:26, 3 November 2010 (UTC)
- Precision (avoid misunderstanding that the drafts were held by the Yanks): "He was drafted by the New York Yanks in the 21st round of the 1951 NFL Draft, ..."
- "now known as the ..."
- Precision (avoid "now" constructs): "later known as the ..."
- Done. ~EDDY (talk/contribs/editor review)~ 00:28, 3 November 2010 (UTC)
- Precision (avoid "now" constructs): "later known as the ..."
- "Back in Pennsylvania, Pollard was a color commentator on Eagles broadcasts, ..."
- While he was still in Canada? Was he in two places at once, or when did he return to Pennsylvania (what happened to his Canadian businesses)?
- Clarified, hopefully. ~EDDY (talk/contribs/editor review)~ 04:59, 7 November 2010 (UTC)
- While he was still in Canada? Was he in two places at once, or when did he return to Pennsylvania (what happened to his Canadian businesses)?
Early life and high school
- Single mother (judging from the last name and omission of father)? So who was his father? What was his childhood like?
- I don't know. Scanning through newspaper archives, I can only tell who his mom was. ~EDDY (talk/contribs/editor review)~ 04:59, 7 November 2010 (UTC)
- "... he excelled at executing T-formations."
- What is a "T-formation"?
- Linked it. ~EDDY (talk/contribs/editor review)~ 05:06, 7 November 2010 (UTC)
- What is a "T-formation"?
- "... he scored 23 touchdowns and gained 1,772 yards."
- "This earned him ..."
- "... since Glenn Davis left Bonita High ..."
Loyola
- "... where he played under Red Blaik."
- "Not heavily recruited by major colleges, ..."
- "... where high school coach William H. Sargent would be coaching."
- "... most glamourous of all of them."
- "... his redshirt freshman campaign, ..."
- "... and he dropped out of Loyola on February 18, 1949. This decision was seen as a surprise to Loyola officials, as he said that he simply needed rest."
- The last part does not seem to flow with its preceding clause. Saying "he simply needed reset" was a surprise? Furthermore, "was seen as a surprise to" can be replaced with "surprised".
Army
- "While at Army, ..."
- "... he and several other friends of Pollard frequently helped each other ..."
- "a scout for that team said ..."
- "The AP praised ..."
- Why is Red Blaik linked twice in the same subsection?
- "... because of a cribbing scandal."
- "... athletict director ..."
- "... the Fighting Irish had not accepted transfers ..."
- "Paul Myerberg of the New York Times subsequently named him the fifth best player from Army to play in the NFL."
National Football League
- "The brawl erupted in the fourth quarter, with San Francisco's Charley Powell squaring off against Pollard."
- Noun plus -ing construct (see User:Tony1/Noun plus -ing): "The brawl erupted in the fourth quarter; San Francisco's Charley Powell squared off against Pollard."
Western Interprovincial Football Union
- "In September 1954, he heard his minutes would be slashed, ..."
- "He escaped the legal tangle ..."
- "When considering joining the Western Interprovincial Football Union (now Canadian Football League), Pollard reported being given a good deal of propaganda to turn him away."
- "He was picked up by the British Columbia Lions of the WIFU, with whom he played for until 1956."
- "... and quit due to health problems."
References
- Subscription sites such as ProQuest should be noted with "Subscription required" or such in the Format field.
- How is databaseFootball.com a reliable source? Please refer to Wikipedia:Wikipedia Signpost/2008-06-26/Dispatches and Wikipedia:Wikipedia Signpost/2008-07-28/Dispatches on how reliability is generally determined.
- "We provide you with statistics, awards, history, and more on every player and team to have played in the NFL, AFL, AAFC, and APFA. We want to make this the most comprehensive pro football destination on the internet. If you have any information that you'd like to add or anything you want us to add, please send us a message here." ~EDDY (talk/contribs)~ 00:36, 27 December 2010 (UTC)
Image
- File:Al Pollard 1951.jpg
- The project allows non-free image to identify a dead subject if no free replacements are available. That said, I doubt this image, though it might qualify for use as a non-free content, is of use. You cannot see the features of the subject at all. Furthermore "Al Pollard Makes Pro Debut, Los Angeles Times" is quite insufficient as a source. Please provide the exact date of edition and page number if possible. Why not use this football card instead?
- I added the football card, but I was told they were heavily copyrighted and it was unwise to use them. I updated the source information. ~EDDY (talk/contribs/editor review)~ 18:19, 29 October 2010 (UTC)
- The project allows non-free image to identify a dead subject if no free replacements are available. That said, I doubt this image, though it might qualify for use as a non-free content, is of use. You cannot see the features of the subject at all. Furthermore "Al Pollard Makes Pro Debut, Los Angeles Times" is quite insufficient as a source. Please provide the exact date of edition and page number if possible. Why not use this football card instead?
I am worried during my read of this article; the achievements of the player do not match the glowing appraisals (often from newspaper tidbits). This creates a discordant effect since each section is punctuated by those glowing statements, only to read the facts that his performance was dismal, leading to his less than stellar pick order, pay and tenure of play.
If the target is FA, then I would find the article lacking for the subject's personal ideology. Not knowing his thoughts and personality, I would not know the man and thus this article in my view, fails the comprehensive standard asked for at FAC. Jappalang (talk) 02:36, 27 October 2010 (UTC)