Wikipedia:Peer review/Alan Shearer/archive1

Alan Shearer

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for August 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I recently helped take it to GA status, and would like some fresh, experienced eyes to give some feedback as to where it can be improved to help it on it's way to FA (and to point out just how shoddy my prose is!). I am wondering whether the lead is ok, and whether I should separate the international career segments more from the club career section as a lot is covered in its own section. I also feel the Honours section is a bit of a mess, and any suggestions about improving it would be appreciated!

I would like to note that the absence of photos is a known issue, and we are working on it, but there aren't any currently available.

Thanks, - Toon⁰⁵ 21:31, 2 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments from Peanut4 (talk · contribs)

Early years

• "where he notoriously played in goal" I don't like statements in brackets. If they are important enough to mention, it's important enough to do so without brackets. Currently it looks like an aside.
• "Chris Nicholl's Saints" verging on jargon. Non-football fans won't know Chris Nicholls was manager or that the Saints are Southampton.

Southampton

• "despite scoring just four goals in 36 league games." You've just mentioned this above.

Blackburn

• "as they finished a close second in the table behind Manchester United." How close?

Newcastle

• "Shearer's hero Kevin Keegan" Do you have a reference that Keegan was Shearer's hero?
• "Keegan hoped that Shearer provide the extra spark needed to improve on the previous season's runners-up spot in the league." Something missing here "would provide"? Also needs referencing.
• "They finished 13th in the league for the second successive season, despite Ruud Gullit having replaced Kenny Dalglish just after the season got underway." Why despite?
• "Sunderland AFC" Why AFC? No other team names have such suffixes.
• "and had to make do with UEFA Cup football," very informal
• "Shearer one of those who failed to score in the penalty shootout." you haven't said Newcastle were eliminated on a penalty shootout. It's very unclear that they did so.

International

• "England U21" I'd spell this out as England under-21 to those unfamiliar with what U21 means.
• "Shearer was key to England's progressing to the next stage in front of their own fans in Wembley." England's progression or England progressing.
• "and held onto the captaincy after scoring once in that match and twice in the following game against Poland." Either he held or Shearer held. At the moment it refers more to Hoddle than Shearer.
• "Shearer scored his first England hat-trick in a Euro 2000 qualifier against Luxembourg." Was it his only international hat-trick?

Statistics

• I think the section needs full referencing.
• Why are the dates of his goals different to the style of dates elsewhere?

General

• Numerals and units should be split by a non-breaking space. E.g. 31 goals.
• There is a mix of numerals for figures less than ten, and word numbers for numbers greater than ten. See WP:MOSNUM for more advice, but I suggest adopting a consistency.
• I expect you will need some images to get it to WP:FA. What happened to the one that was here?
• There's a mix of styles for "semi final" or "semi-final". Quarter final should follow the same manner. Ditto with the different styles of hattrick and hat-trick.

Hope this helps. Peanut4 (talk) 22:18, 2 August 2008 (UTC)

Excellent, exactly the kind of stuff needed. Thanks - Toon⁰⁵ 22:27, 2 August 2008 (UTC)

• Comment - I have added an image to the article, hope it helps - ChrisTheDude (talk) 09:28, 3 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)

• Centre forward redirects back to striker so is there any point in linking it twice in the first lead para?
  • fixed Centre forward to link to appropriate section within Striker article. - Toon⁰⁵ 15:13, 5 August 2008 (UTC)
• "made his professional bow " - not keen, can we just say professional debut?
• "During several years on the south coast he became known for his strength and goalscoring ability and soon received an international call-up along with a transfer to up-and-coming Blackburn Rovers in 1992." one sentence, three "ands"... not keen. And also not sure how neutral "up-and-coming"...
• "carved out his reputation" more journalistic than encyclopaedic.
• Stick with either XXXX-XX or XXXX-XXXX for year rangers (see infobox for the ones you probably need to change).
• "to boyhood heroes " his boyhood heroes (they certainly weren't mine!)
• I think I'd prefer to see BBC linked instead of mass media.
• And I think linking sport is wholly uneccessary!
• " a successful Newcastle City Schools side win a" were they successful before they won the tournament or afterwards? Minor reword I reckon.
• Early years is a little on the light side, no family life side of things etc
• "...with three goals in five matches, as well as a professional contract"... sounds a little odd, why not "and earned a professional contract with the club." (or similar).
• " lead a line" - I get it but it's a little jargony.
• "four goals in 36 games" followed almost immediately by "scoring just four goals in 36 league games"...
• "linked with several leading English clubs, including Manchester United." needs reference.
• "coming off the back of a" more journalistic than encyclopaedic.
• "crucial World Cup qualifiers " crucial = POV unless cited.
• "string of disappointing results." disappointing for England only so this is POV again.
• "Football Writers' Footballer of the Year" there's a (featured) list of these guys floating around somewhere - you could link to that.
• Worth mentioning how Sutton got on too to reinforce the point of their great partnership.
• "Shearer scored 34 goals, as Blackburn took the Premier League title on the last day of the season.[8] This is the only club honour that Shearer won in his career, and he quickly followed it up with a personal award, being named the PFA Players' Player of the Year for 1995.[9] Shearer also had his first taste of European football in the UEFA Cup that season, but Blackburn lost in the first round to Trelleborgs FF of Sweden,[10] Shearer scoring in the second leg" too many Shearer's here.
• Link first UEFA Cup.
• "having a disappointing season" POV.
• "Blackburn crashed out " more journalistic than encyclopaedic.
• "joining a team aiming to improve on the previous season's runners-up spot in the league." not sure the the "aiming to improve" is required, it's POV anyway, you could just state the fact that NUFC came second the previous season.
• "2nd consecutive " second...
• "treble" link it - it's jargon and non-experts need help.
• "mid table," hyphenate this.
• "injury hit " ditto.
• " for the next season's " replace next with following.
• "group-stage" don't think it needs hyphenating - check other instances.
• "brace " needs linking.
• "helped him to rack up " more journalistic than encyclopaedic.
• "form took a nosedive" ditto. Need to be more NPOV.
• That gets me to the International career section. More soon. The Rambling Man (talk) 12:18, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

• "he was handed a callup " just "called up" would work fine.
• "his one and only" "his only" is fine.
• " his absence was reflected in the team's failure to reach the competition finals." that really needs referencing = you're effectively blaming England's failure on Shearer's absence so evidence is required.
• "not being required " just "not required" is fine.
• "due to their hosting it" "as hosts".
• "twenty-second " 22nd.
• "Shearer was key " - he certainly helped but then you could argue David Seaman was the key for not conceding bags of goals?
• "and England went out" be more precise - so "were eliminated from the competition" or similar.
• "New England manager " be careful this doesn't read like "the manager of New England"...
• " thanks to a play-off victory " "follow a play-off victory"...
• Any word on his assists?
• You link charity on the second instance of the word and then it goes to a dab page.
• You've linked MOTD twice, and the second time you haven't put it in italics. Be consistent and probably avoid the overlinking.
• Table issues:
  • Club performance, not Performance.
  • European, not Continental.
  • Not sure the dates in the table need to be linked. Why would I think, Oh, Shearer scored against Moldova on September 1st, 1996, I wonder what else happened on that day in history? That's really what the date linking should be for.
• I find the score column confusing, does this mean the score in the match immediately following Shearer's goal? I think a note is in order.
• And as for Venue, I'd expect to see Stadia, not cities.
• The source (Englandstats) does not contain anywhere near the level of detail you have in that table. I'd check FA.com for more reliable and extensive information which you can use to provide a citation.
• Honours outside football need references.
• What makes "soccer-fans-info.com" a reliable source?
• Take the opportunity to wipe out the hideous succession boxes!

That's it for me. Hope it helps a little. The Rambling Man (talk) 12:33, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

Comment from Struway2 (talk · contribs)

• TRM mentions lack of early life detail, I'd say the same for later personal life (wife, children...)
• There's nothing remotely negative or controversial. I know his non-stick squeaky-clean reputation was such that they called him Mary Poppins, but you can't leave out the Neil Lennon incident - if the England captain kicks a fellow player in the head and then the FA chief exec claims in a book that he wouldn't go to the World Cup if he was punished for it... One or two references which might help as a start: [1] [2] [3] [4]. The third of those says "Never afraid to put himself about a bit, Shearer has such a reputation and standing in the game that critics often suggest he is let off too leniently when he does cross the line." There's also the Keith Gillespie incident, which obviously never happened...
• Fill in your citation templates properly. Don't use domain names, unless there's really no alternative; BBC.co.uk is usually BBC Sport, theFA.com is publisher=The Football Association, nufc.co.uk is publisher=Newcastle United F.C. etc etc. And I'm sure as sure can be that reference #63 is not from nufc.com... Or alternatively, when you get towards submitting it to FAC, drop me a message and I'll go through them.

can't compete with TRM's detail above, but hope some of this helps, cheers, Struway2 (talk) 16:15, 5 August 2008 (UTC)

• • I do understand a lack of negative detail; mostly because there's very little of it, and the stuff that is is mostly tabloid gossip. I don't think we can use the Keith Gillespie story because firstly it's the Sunday Mirror, and it just rants on about rumours, would probably violate WP:BLP. I'll put the incident about Neil Lennon in, but clearly being cleared by the independent review committee we can't assert that he kicked him deliberately. The third source will certainly help with a section about his style of play, however. And the comment about citations is noted, I shall change my habits! - Toon⁰⁵ 19:31, 5 August 2008 (UTC)