Wikipedia:Peer review/Alicia Keys/archive1

Alicia Keys

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for December 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to ultimately take this to featured article status, but before that, good article status. In the fear of this failing it's first GAN, I brought it here instead to get feedback and any further assistance.

Thanks, DiverseMentality 01:21, 31 December 2008 (UTC)

Hello -- This looks quite good. One element I'd be interested in you expanding a little is this:"Keys recorded a theme song for Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama. She joined Joss Stone and Jay-Z on the effort, was approached by the presidential nominee according to The Times to record a track that will serve as a theme song for his campaign.[50]" What happened to the suggestion? Ibsensgirl (talk) 22:52, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

I can't seem to find anything further than that. DiverseMentality 18:25, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

Nice article! However, I think the Personal Life and Controversy sections at the end make it a bit disjointed. Can you include more personal life info before the 2006 breakdown? That might make it seem more flowing. Chickpeana (talk) 16:49, 8 January 2009 (UTC)

I'll try, though search so far isn't all that great. DiverseMentality 18:25, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement.

• Generally well done, but I think the language needs to be polished in some places. For example
  • In the lead the sentence Keys' debut album, Songs in A Minor, was a worldwide success, selling over 11 million copies worldwide. probably only needs one "worldwide".
  • Or can you you have a second debut? Apparently, see Keys made her first television appearance on The Cosby Show in 1985. ;-)
  • Or this Born in a Hell's Kitchen area of Manhattan, in New York City, New York, could just be Born in the Hell's Kitchen area of Manhattan, in New York City, (there is just one Hell's Kitchen and I think most people know NYC is in New York state).
• A few things need refs - especially in light of WP:BLP - see for example "Throughout her career, Keys has been rumored to be romantically involved with Kerry Brothers, Jr.. Other times, she has been portrayed as lesbian." Attribute rumors to reputable sources or get rid of them.
• There is at least one external link in the article (Frum tha ground up -sp?) that should be converted to a ref.
• Any followup on the Gangsta rap controversy? Since it says allegedly, did she later deny the statements? Inquiring minds want to know
• Glad to see you got her Backyardigans voice appearance in - BOINGA!

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 22:08, 13 January 2009 (UTC)