Wikipedia:Peer review/Fabio Lione/archive1

Fabio Lione[edit]

A long time ago I rewrote this article and got it this far, now I thought I might as well take it further and put it onto peer review, and eventually enter it as a FAC. What can be done now? I am thinking about an extension to the lead paragraph, and an addition of References, what else? — Wackymacs 12:17, 27 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

The general impression I have is that somebody with good English editing skills needs to go over this page with a fine-toothed comb and polish it up. Some of the sentences need a comma before a "which". A other few examples:

While he was studying at technical high school in Pisa. Fabio realized...
Fabio met the band Labyrinth, at the time the band was called "Vision", but Fabio later changed the name to "Labyrinth".
Rhapsody released "Power of the dragonflame" in March and amazingly raised up the ranks on music charts in various countries.

A couple of the sentences also need to be a little more neutral in tone. Thanks. — RJH 16:09, 1 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]