Wikipedia:Peer review/John Hemmingham/archive1

John Hemmingham

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like some feedback on the article on how to improve it for a GA nomination.

Thanks, The C of E God Save the Queen! (talk) 15:33, 26 February 2013 (UTC)

 Doing... Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 15:23, 9 April 2013 (UTC)

Thanks, but it is a bit late as it's just received GA status! Nevertheless, any feedback to improve it will be gratefully received. The C of E God Save the Queen! (talk) 15:32, 9 April 2013 (UTC)

Sorry my comments have taken so long, but here's a start. What is there is decent, though the prose is a bit rough in spots.

• I would make sure to provide context to the reader. Almost all I know about FA football is from reading Wikipedia articles. I did not know that one of the Wednesday's nicknames is "The Owls", so I think adding brief explanations of thingsl ike that would help make the article clearer to the average reader.
• Similarly explaining briefly how the Owls Trust came to own or control a large number of shares in the team would help.
• Or how does he pay for the travel to all the countries he's played in? This article (ref 28) says in part "They don’t do it all for nothing though. “Everything other than football we charge for,” John points out.

This allows him to pay for travel and tickets etc. It also means he can support his wife of five years ..."

• I was surprised not to see the book(s) he has written used as sources - looking on Amazon, Playing for England has been published, but I could not find the other book. In any case, I would think that the book(s) would provide some of the missing information on Hemmingham the man which the article does not give in its current state:
  • Just the blurb on Amazon for the book says he was already "obsessed with football and playing the bugle" at age seven, which makes me assume it has a lot more material that could be used here
  • When / where did he go to school? Did he go to university? What was his musical training / experience before the band?
  • What did he do before he picked up a trumpet (at age 30) and play in the stands and start the band?
  • What were his job(s) before he worked for the Owls Trust (at age 38 or so)? What made him qualified to run that?
• There is a nice picture of him on Flickr - might not hurt to ask the owner of that if s/he would freely license it for use here
• Make sure the article follows the MOS on italics - see WP:ITALIC
• Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 13:55, 28 April 2013 (UTC)