Wikipedia:Peer review/John Zorn/archive1

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John Zorn[edit]

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I've listed this article for peer review because it has expanded significantly since it's last rating and I would like some objective feedback as I progress it to GA status. I still intend to add some sound file examples as soon as I can work out how to do this and also fill in some of the red links. I would like some fresh eyes to check this article and provide constructive feedback. Thanks DISEman (talk) 01:34, 9 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfsich comments: Interestuing and generally well done article - here are some sugestions for improvement, many of which are nit-picks:

  • The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article (per WP:LEAD). I fear that the long list of artists he has worked with is a bit off-putting and also worry about the one sentence first paragraph (FAC tends to jump on one sentence paragraphs anyway). I also would not link to Dekoboko Hajime in the lead or article since it is a redirect back here. My rule of thumb is to include every header in some way - you may need fewer headers too (another suggestion).
  • A model article is often useful for ideas to follow on style, refs, structure, etc. There are several musician FAs at Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Music that may be suitable models
  • Per WP:CITE references come AFTER punctuation - so John Zorn was born in New York City and, as a child, played piano, guitar and flute.[8]
  • Provide context for the reader - perhaps a little more about his parents and siblings would make He absorbed musical influences from his parents and siblings which included classical music, world music, jazz, chansons, doo-wop, and rock and roll[9]. clearer, or saying what he studied at Webster College (now Webster University) in St. Louis, Missouri ... under Oliver Lake[11]. See WP:PCR
  • Watch overlinking - Downtown music is linked at least twice in two paragraphs, for example.
  • Article nees more references, for example the last half of Early composition section or last two paragraphs of Breakthrough recordings section or the whole Music romance section are all uncited. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref. For example, the first two paragraphs of Etymology are uncited, or the second bg paragraph of Geography. See WP:CITE and WP:V
  • I also would switch the book ISBNs in the article to citations and move the ISBN to the ref. Also avoid external links in the article (Chamber Music Society of Southwest Florida) and convert to refs
  • Article has a lot of short paragraphs that could be combined or perhaps expanded with others.
  • External links looks like a bit like a link farm - see WP:EL
  • Internet refs need at least url, title, publisher, author if known, and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be useful here.
  • I am not a music expert, but the level of detail seems a bit much in places - we are not told his parents names or the number or gender or names of his siblings, but we know who played violin on "Le Mômo"?
  • Since he is a musician and artist, what about more critical reception?

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 05:03, 19 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

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