Wikipedia:Peer review/Judge John Deed/archive2

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Judge John Deed[edit]

Old peer review: Wikipedia:Peer review/Judge John Deed/archive1

Relisting. Same as before. A request has been put in at WP:LoCE for a copyedit. Brad 12:08, 1 December 2007 (UTC)[reply]

  • A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 19:44, 5 December 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from MeegsC | Talk[edit]

  • The first sentence, which says the show is a "BBC television drama produced by the BBC ...for BBC One", is unnessarily redundant. I'd lose at least first instance of "BBC" (you can always pipe link "television drama" to BBC television drama if that's necessary); the third reference could be moved to another sentence.
  • The second sentence in the lead is very choppy, with lots of short clauses and two parenthetical statements. It needs to be simplified, either by reordering the clauses, or by breaking them into two sentences—something along the lines of "Created by G.F. Newman, it follows the exploits of a High Court judge—Sir John Deed, played by Martin Shaw—as he tries to seek justice in the cases brought before him." You later mention the fact that Newman is well-known as the creator of Law and Order, but you probably don't need to do so in the lead; it's not really relevant to this article.
  • There are multiple wikilinks to the same articles; per WP:MOS, only the first instance should be wikilinked. Examples include Martin Shaw (three times in the first three paragraphs), High Court (twice in the first three paragraphs), G.F. Newman, Law and Order and many others.
  • Commas are missing in lots of places. Some examples:
  • "As of 2007 there have been 29 episodes..."
  • "In later years the series has shifted to a serialised format..."
  • "Ratings for the series peaked with its first episode at 9.1 million[33] but it still ..."
  • "the BBC had announced an intention to use Martin Shaw in a range of new projects and it was apparent..."
  • The sentence "The series remains on a break until the style is changed and due to Martin Shaw's involvement in a new series." is not well-written grammatically.
  • All single dashes need to be converted to em-dashes, per WP:MOS.
  • "Deed has been accused of hypocrisy..." Is it the character or the show that's been accused? It's unclear from the article.

Glad to hear you've approached the LoCE; that will probably clean up a lot of these issues. I'll try to add more comment about the content of the article (as opposed to the writing) if I get some time over the holidays. Good luck with your drive toward improving the article! MeegsC | Talk 12:35, 17 December 2007 (UTC)[reply]

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