Wikipedia:Peer review/Matthew West (musician)/archive1

Matthew West (musician)

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'm trying to get it to GA-class, and this is my first article that I've tried doing so with. I'm still working on a couple of things, and although it's in pretty good shape right now I'd really appreciate feedback on what improvement the article needs. Specifically, I'd like to know if the article needs cleanup in any areas and if it's expanded and covers the subject enough.

Thanks, Jamie^☆S93 20:15, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

Review by User:Royalbroil

• He is the only person with an article with the name Matthew West, so the article should get moved to Matthew West. The other person has unknown notability with no article. Even if the other person is notable, they are likely much less notable than he is. So by WP:COMMONNAME the article should be renamed for the musician (the main, most common usage). —  Done, albeit very shakily on my part. ;-)
• The image in the infobox should be transwiki'd to Wikimedia Commons. The licensing on the images is right. —  Done, hopefully well.
• The lead section says he started in the late 1990s, and the infobox says 2001. They should agree with each other. If he started as an independent musician in the 1997, then the infobox should be changed. —  Done
• "spring of 2008". Per WP:SEASON, it needs to be changed to the months (early 2008?) because the seasons are the opposite in the northern and southern hemispheres. —  Done.
• "He first began writing songs while at home on college breaks in the sanctuary of the church where his father was a pastor." is awkward because there's too large of a break in thought between the verb songs and object sanctuary. "He first wrote songs in the sanctuary of his father's church while he was home on college breaks" is better, but I hope you can find a better way to explain that his father was the pastor. —  Done I've left it lacking the bit about his father being a pastor, but after trying to add it in, I figured that it only breaks up the sentence's flow, so I've dropped it.
• "Although at first not interested, he ended up attending the event after learning that he had already been signed up and others had paid for it" is written too passive. How about "Although West was not interested at first, he attended after other people signed him up and paid his entrance fee." —  Done, minor tweak for factual accuracy.
• "There West met a representative from Word Entertainment" - "there" could be improved. How about "West met a representative from Word Entertainment at the event... —  Done
• I found it confusing that Word Entertainment talked with him, and he got signed by Universal. —  Done, should better now. I researched it again, and it turns out that it was actually Word Publishing, and the contract gave him a jumpstart with professional songwriting. I've added that info, which should help with the connecting between Word and his career later on.
• "West was told that the chances were low of regaining the full use of his left arm, having come close to severing a major artery" needs a citation. —  Done. One source said it actually happened, several others say that it was "close", one less-notable ref gave an actual (mm) millimeter length statistic being exteremly close – thus I've changed it to "very".
• Did anything else happened between his signing in 1999 and his major label debut in 2003 besides his injury? Any touring? Did he have a job? —  Done. Well, I dug up a couple of other facts, and it turns out that he had already done song writing for some popular musicians and touring the US as an indie artist before the injury. The timeline should be stronger in the beginning now.
• "After "More", "The End" and "You Know Where to Find Me" were also released as singles off the album." is not a complete sentence. —  Done.
• Do you have any information about who he toured with before his first headlining tour? —  Doing... →  Done.
• The text doesn't have the chart peak of the songs. —  Done. Actually, because of an unclosed "ref name", that one sentence about You Are Everything got lost.
• Cite the Dove Award nominations (if not done in the text), note any he won —  Done
• What was/were record label(s) for the independent albums (if available) — I've searched for that kind of info, but can't seem to find out anything about it, even with my #6 EMI/CMG reference.
• Cite compilation contributions (you can cite the first instance if one source has all of them) —  Done, first ref covers the first 4 items on the list.

Note that I've been a picky GA reviewer compared to most, so these comments don't mean it's bad. In fact, I think it's very close to meeting GA criteria. Great job for your first GA attempt! Royalbroil 21:37, 13 July 2008 (UTC)