Wikipedia:Peer review/Music of Philadelphia/archive

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Music of Philadelphia[edit]

I thought I'd have trouble finding sources, but I did suprisingly well, I think. Sound samples will be forthcoming in the next day or two. Any other suggestions? Tuf-Kat 05:13, 12 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Would it make sense to comine notes 19 and 20 as pp 69-70? Circeus 05:38, 12 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Makes sense. Tuf-Kat 05:40, 12 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Does anybody have any suggestions on the second paragraph of the lead. It says some important things about Philadelphia, I think, but it looks weird to bring Cleveland into it, as though there's some reason to compare Philly and Cleveland. Still, I don't want to lose the crux of it, just downplay the Cleveland bit... Tuf-Kat 05:54, 12 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    • Nevermind, I just moved all mention of Cleveland to a footnote. Tuf-Kat


  • It'd be nice to have something in the top right corner like a state musicbox or a picture.
  • attributes to a musical "shadow thrown by New York", sounds weird for an inserted quote, I'd expect "musical shadow thrown by New York". Almost sounds manipulated.
    • Not sure how to fix this -- he doesn't use the word "musical", but it's clear what is meant - "Artistically and culturally, it can't hope to throw off the huge shadow thrown by New York, about a hundred miles to the north." I'll put the whole quote in a footnote. Tuf-Kat
      • "[musical] shadow thrown by New York" is the way you want to go, methink. Circeus 21:11, 12 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • The major music venues in Philadelphia include the International House Folklife Center, which hosts traditional music from around the world at the campus of the University of Pennsylvania, that formulation is clunky
    • Fixed Tuf-Kat
      • Actually, I meant the which-phrase/at-phrase string. Might be because I'm no native speaker, though. Circeus 21:11, 12 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]
        • I split it into two sentences
  • The third paragraph under "venues" is poorly structured. The wholesection could probably used a more logical grouping or progression.
  • located in a Philadelphia mall. Which mall?
    • Unable to confirm that it's in a mall, added that it's in a Lord and Taylor Tuf-Kat
  • when it was especially noted for classical composers. Examples?
    • Fixed. (More to come on the subject too) Tuf-Kat
  • "Music history" ends at the beginning of 20th century. Maybe change the title?
    • Layout tweaked quite a bit, does this help?
  • the location of American Bandstand led to a surge of attention for performers on local labels like Swan Records, Cameo-Parkway and Chancellor Records. For somereason, I have trouble reading that sentence. Maybe it has garden path characteristics?
  • Locally produced pop stars that came from this system included [...] What? they're not included anymore?
  • Clark eventually became part of a payola scandal the "eventually" makes it sound like it was inevitable
  • The "Philly soul"section looks more complete than the separate article on the subject, which really ought to be linked as a Main article
  • It's not quite clear that the stuff under "20th and 21st century" details the evolution of the genres separately from each, rather than in a chronological order.
    • Not entirely sure what you mean. At present, each genre is presented separately but in roughly chronological order -- the section on jazz is the only problem, since it covers a wide range of time. Now that I've subsumbed "Popular music" into "Music history", I'll see if I can make this a more obvious chronological layout. Tuf-Kat
      • On second thought, I don't think I want to do that. Can you explain further your concern? Tuf-Kat 05:28, 17 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]
        • Actually,you fixedthat pretty well
  • Philadelphia's jazz scene produced a number of bop-era saxophonists, whose virtuosity inspired John Coltrane, who lived in Philadelphia for a time. Coltrane became one of the most renowned jazz musicians of the 20th century, known for an "active, vigorous, emotionally charged style". Coltrane seems to be all over the article, so this sounds oddly out of place.
  • The "R&B and hip hop" section should be extended or merged with another one. One paragraph is a tad too short. You solved that already XD
  • No "see also" section
    • Doesn't seem necessary. All useful links are in the article, I think. Tuf-Kat
      • Maybe. Just seems weird not tosee one. Circeus 21:11, 12 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • And onelast thing: Music of Pennsylvania doesn't seem to be referenced anywhere...

That's what I see right now Circeus 06:17, 12 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • Many thanks for your comments. I should get to them tomorrow. Tuf-Kat 06:51, 12 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done most of them, will do the rest soon. Tuf-Kat
  • What's there is good, but it's still heavily focused on commercial music. There's some mentions of indie and punk, but even that's commercial. What about folk music, traditional music played at home or churches, different ethnic group's musical traditions, street musicians, etc? In other words, the popular music section is huge and maybe given too much prominence. Everything else is relegated to the history section. - Taxman Talk 05:17, 14 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    • I'll see what I can do, but keep in mind that most of that is likely to be unverifiable. Tuf-Kat 21:26, 15 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]
      • Okay, modern Catholic church music is now covered. Tuf-Kat
      • And 20th century Irish folk music. Tuf-Kat
  • Holy heck, that's a lot of red links. I know some of them can't be helped, but is everything that has a redlink really an encyclopaedic subject? If it is, then I guess they'll have to stay red. It might harm its chances at FA though. I like the article. I'm glad it mentions Schooly D, who rules. Some gaps, though. The Roots are mentioned twice in two sentences, which looks like an oversight. No mention of Jedi Mind Tricks or Beanie Sigel. Worse, nothing on Paul Robeson or The Bloodhound Gang! Use List of people from Philadelphia#Music for assistance here. Proto||type 15:49, 16 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    Actually, I don't think Bloodhound Gang are from Philly, so scratch them. Proto||type 15:52, 16 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    Not sure about Paul Robeson. According to Paul Robeson he was from New Jersey and most of the stuff in the music section of his article is about New York and England, not Philadelphia. I put Sigel and Jedi Mind Tricks in. Tuf-Kat 05:39, 17 February 2006 (UTC)[reply]
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