Wikipedia:Peer review/Padmé Amidala/archive1

Padmé Amidala[edit]

I rewrote much of this article to emphasize the out-of-universe perspective as outlined in WP:WAF. The majority of this article now deals with Padmé Amidala from a real-world perspective. I think to prepare the article for FAC it needs some fresh eyes. Explanations of the changes I made can be found here: Talk:Padmé Amidala. Any suggestions for improvement of the article to meet FAC standards will be appreciated. Dmoon1 22:58, 4 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Prose could stand for some work — I tried to copyedit a couple of sections (check for awkwardness). I think that most of the microissues can probably be resolved when objections are raised during FAC. — Deckill e r 23:33, 4 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Characteristics section seems to be a bit flowery, but that's just my opinion. — Deckill e r 23:35, 4 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
- Your edits look great. I tried to de-flower some of the prose in the characteristics section; I think the majority of the flowery language is now in the quotes. Dmoon1 04:50, 5 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  - Looks awesome, and I agree; it's mostly in the quotes now (that's lucas for ya) I think the prose is looking great now, but it'll probably be up to Tony1 to see if it really needs another copyedit. — Deckill e r 04:52, 5 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    - I haven't compared it to Tony's suggestions in How to satisfy Criterion 2a yet to weed out redundancies and other prose problems. I generally do this before nominating articles at FAC. Dmoon1 05:04, 5 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
      - Yeah — I took care of some redundancies, but I ~~can~~ ~~indeed~~ spot more. — Deckill e r 14:37, 5 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
        Grammar humor; funny. Dmoon1 05:21, 6 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Our recent edits have tightened the prose; I think it's ready for FAC. Tony may object, and if he does, I'd be willing to perform a deeper audit. — Deckill e r 05:26, 6 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
- I think you're right; if Tony objects it will hopefully be minor (crossing my fingers). Someone might object on notability or something since there is no "In popular culture" section. As I noted on the talk page, I have found no evidence that the character has influenced American/Western culture or society (certainly not in ways that Princess Leia, Darth Vader, or even Jabba the Hutt have), except that the costumes were placed on display in an art exhibit, and that's already covered. Someone will probably complain about the "Star Wars films" sub-section being long, but it is the condensed plot of three films (four if you count ROTJ). I am also a little concerned about the prose in the "Concept and creation" section. Other than that, it's as ready for FAC as I'm going to be able to get it. Dmoon1 05:50, 6 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  - Do you mind if I add this to my list of contributions, as well? I feel compelled to co-nominate to show my support and as a copyeditor in progress and the star wars wikiproject collaborator and all. — Deckill e r 06:13, 6 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    - No problem. Dmoon1 07:06, 6 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]