Wikipedia:Peer review/Robin Thicke discography/archive1

Robin Thicke discography[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want this to become a FL. I felt like a peer review would be good to have before submitting it. Any comments are appreciated!

Thanks, Michael Jester (talk) 03:25, 13 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton comments: I have checked the article against the boilerplate for featured discographies, and this generally fits the bill. So my comments are mainly prose quibbles from the lead:-

Maybe "at the age of 13..." (rather than "thirteen")
- Done. Michael Jester (talk) 23:13, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Suggest reword to avoid this awkward repetition: "...his debut album, A Beautiful World (2003).[1] A Beautiful World..."
- Done. Michael Jester (talk) 23:13, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"only selling" → "selling only"
- Done. Michael Jester (talk) 23:13, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"Two singles were released, and the first, "When I Get You Alone", peaked at number 5 on the Dutch Singles Chart,[4] but it did not hit the US charts." Needs a bit of clarification and prose tweaking. Suggest: "Two singles from the album were released; the first, "When I Get You Alone", peaked at number 5 on the Dutch Singles Chart,[4] but did not hit the US charts".
- Done. Michael Jester (talk) 23:13, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
What was the fate of the other single that was released?
- Added a sentence about the second single. Michael Jester (talk) 23:13, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"It peaked at number five on the Billboard 200[2] and topped the Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums.[5] It was certified platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA)". You can avoid the choppy effect of these two short senetences by combinin them thus: "It peaked at number five on the Billboard 200[2], topped the Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums.,[5] and was certified platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA)".
- Fixed. Michael Jester (talk) 23:13, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"The Evolution of Robin Thicke produced four singles..." I don't think "produced" is the right word here. Perhaps "included", or "contained", or some such?
- Changed to included. Michael Jester (talk)
"all charting" → "all of which charted"
- Done. Michael Jester (talk) 23:13, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"It peaked at number three on the Billboard 200[2] as well as the Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums" Needs a tweak: "It peaked at number three both on the Billboard 200 and the Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums".
- Tweaked. Michael Jester (talk) 23:13, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"which peaked" → "each of which peaked"
- Done. Michael Jester (talk) 23:13, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"It peaked at number nine on the Billboard 200[2] and peaked at number two on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Albums..." You can lose the second "peaked"
- Removed. Michael Jester (talk) 23:13, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"It made three singles" - again, I don't think "made" will do here.
- Changed to contained. Michael Jester (talk) 23:13, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
One non-prose point. As refs 47 and 55 appear to be identical, why not combine them?
- I haven't finished with those references, but it's a Billboard chart archive. They'll be different once I add the date parameter. Michael Jester (talk) 23:13, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Finally, there is one disambiguatation link, Ashanti, that needs fixing.
- Fixed. Michael Jester (talk) 23:13, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton (talk) 23:00, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton, I really appreciate the review. Thank you!
—Michael Jester (talk) 23:13, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]