Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Zanzibar Revolution
- The following discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Zanzibar Revolution[edit]
- Passed --Eurocopter (talk) 12:44, 18 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Hi, I am nominating this article as it has passed its GA review and I think that it is as complete as I can make it. Ideally I want to get this to FA some day, many thanks - Dumelow (talk) 19:44, 18 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Comments before support.
- Put citations after punctuations.
- Fixed a couple of cases, let me know if I missed any - Dumelow (talk) 20:41, 19 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Script says there are still some left. Use the Ctrl + F feature in firefox to search for them. ṜedMarkViolinistDrop me a line 17:39, 21 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Fixed a couple of cases, let me know if I missed any - Dumelow (talk) 20:41, 19 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Figures in infobox should be cited.
- Needs strength for both forces.
- Unfortunately I have only been able to find reliable sources for the rebels but it the government forces were essentially the strength of the entire police force (which I couldn't find numbers for, although the reorganised force numbered 600 post-revolution). Would it be better to put "Zanzibar police force" in there or just leave it blank? - Dumelow (talk) 20:41, 19 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Put it in there. It's better than being blank. ṜedMarkViolinistDrop me a line 17:39, 21 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Unfortunately I have only been able to find reliable sources for the rebels but it the government forces were essentially the strength of the entire police force (which I couldn't find numbers for, although the reorganised force numbered 600 post-revolution). Would it be better to put "Zanzibar police force" in there or just leave it blank? - Dumelow (talk) 20:41, 19 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Change The Revolution to just "Revolution".
- Make Umma party a stub.
ṜedMarkViolinistDrop me a line 16:34, 19 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Comment from Lazulilasher
Good work. I only performed a cursory overview of the article and I have a number of suggestions. You mention you would like to take this article to FA at some point, and I will tailor my comments to that goal. Again, good work and I hope that you find my suggestions helpful.
- Lead: "The revolution occurred early on the morning of 12 January 1964 when the revolutionaries overran the country's police force and took their weaponry..." Revolution...revolutionaries? These words are oft-repeated consistently throughout the lead. This tires the reader. Consider rewording, perhaps "Hostilities began....when revolutionaries overran...", etc.
- Consider: "
Therevolutionaries then attacked the Arab and South Asian civiliansin the country."
- Consider: "
- Origins Watch redudancies in text: "It consisted of the main island of Unguja (informally known as Zanzibar), the smaller island known as Pemba to the north of Unguja, and
numerousminor islands." "Numerous" doesn't add to the reader's comprehension. Is "known as" required?
- Likewise: "However, the major political parties were
stillorganised largely along ethnic lines with the Arab Zanzibar Nationalist Party (ZNP) and the African Afro-Shirazi Party (ASP)"
- Likewise: "However, the major political parties were
- "under Sultan Jamshid bin Abdullah who was liked by the majority of population." What does "liked" mean? According to whom? There should be some discussion of the rubric used to determine this.
- "There was
alsoa significant minority of 50,000 Arabs" Watch for redundant words like "also"
- Can we clarify how much more the Arabs were generally paid? As I read this, I found myself searching for a scale (i.e., was there substantial inequality?) so I could understand the situation.
- "This resulted in both the ASP and the ZNP winning 11 seats of the 22 in parliament" I am not a c/e guru, but should "parliament" be capitlized?
Ok, that's all I have for now. I'll come back later if time permits. Again: excellent work so far. Regards, Lazulilasher (talk) 16:49, 24 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Many thanks for looking over this article your suggestions have been very helpful - Dumelow (talk) 11:37, 25 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Comment- The "Zanzibar Police Force" for strength in the infobox is bad, for example, I could say that in the Iraq War, American strength is the "US Army" but that doesn't help anyone who doesn't know how many people are in the army.
- "Whilst much of the communist bloc had already recognised the country Britain, the US and most Commonwealth withheld recognition until 23 February." This sentence is awkward and ambiguous. Please reword it.
- "whilst the Hebe had just finished removing stores from the naval depot at Mombassa and was loaded with weapons and explosives." Hebe should be italicized.
- Can Operation Parthenon, Operation Finery, Operation Shed, and Operation Boris be linked to anything?
- There are no relevant articles at the moment. The source does provide some more info on the operations so they could perhaps have their own articles, are they notable enough for this? - Dumelow (talk) 08:26, 5 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- I'd say that if the sources have enough information to create a decent article about them you might as well go ahead and do so; I don't see why they wouldn't be notable, the British military seems to have been pretty focused on them, at least for a short while.– Joe Nutter 22:23, 5 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- There are no relevant articles at the moment. The source does provide some more info on the operations so they could perhaps have their own articles, are they notable enough for this? - Dumelow (talk) 08:26, 5 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- "The event caused concern to the Western powers that communism might gain a foothold in East Africa and was one of the main causes of the army riots in Tanganyika, Kenya and Uganda which saw the modernisation of their armed forces." This sentence makes little sense. Did the riots cause the modernization? Please rephrase it.
- Is there any way to remove the See Also section? Last I heard they were discoureged, and it seems slightly pointless since it only has one link in it.
Otherwise it looks OK; please fix these first before I can support it though. Joe Nutter 23:39, 4 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Supporting now on assumption that See Also section will be fixed. – Joe Nutter 22:23, 5 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Support - Looked through the article, couldn't find anything wrong. Good work! Skinny87 (talk) 18:53, 15 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Support - I can see no problems hindering support. I do have a couple of questions though: is there any information on how the Revolution was viewed in the Arab world? Are there any memorials or monuments to the Revolution in Zanzibar or elsewhere?
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.