Talk:Aberjona River

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What do YOU love about the aberjona?
My favorite part about the aberjona is the distinct scent that it possesses. Whenever I walk by the aberjona, my nostrils are overjoyed with the smell of life and strength. TheSlimShrubby (talk) 14:05, 18 August 2020 (UTC)

This question is beyond silly, what is there not to like? The Aberjona is home to only the most pristine and scintillating water in all of Massachusetts. Truly a perfect representation of our great state. I can only imagine the sweet and salty taste of the tainted water. The smell, already mentioned by SlimShrubby, a refreshing blend of powerful aromas. But the color is what really separates this river from others. A majestic amalgamation of green and burnt sienna, joining forces to create what can only be described as The True American Dream. PolliwagInABog (Sitting on a soggy log) (talk) 18:48, 18 August 2020 (UTC)

That might be the greatest thing ever TheSlimShrubby (talk) 18:49, 18 August 2020 (UTC)

Share your experiences with the Aberjona.
My first experience, rather my only experience with the Aberjona happened quite recently. I peered over the glistening grass, revealing the tinted water below. What looked like either mid-summer ice or shards of glass floated in the brown river. Tapestries of leaves and branches surrounded and reflected off the Aberjona surface. Almost tempted to jump in, I bent over admiring its glory from close up. Make sure to share your experiences with the Aberjona too, our community only grows stronger every day. PolliwagInABog (Sitting on a soggy log) (talk) 23:56, 18 August 2020 (UTC)

My favorite and most memorable experience involving the Aberjona took place around 2 months ago on the very first voyage I took along this epic channel. I had been following the stream for hours. Beads of sweat dripped down my forehead and armpits. I wiped them off as I hacked at a branch of overgrown shrubbery with a bat, my other dragged my bike though the mud. For I was deep in the untamed forest of Henzie. In front of me stood timdog, a glorious specimen of a human, who was a mountain biking expert, and quite a catch also. He too had his bike in hand. We were both knee deep in an undiscovered territory of the Henzie woods, which turned out to be a swamp. As I carried my exhausted body, and my bike along with it, I glanced to my left, hoping to see something to fill myself with hope. I pleaded for water and food, or even X, as I hadn’t just looked in days. What I saw was better tenfold. There it was. The most mighty of all the rivers. The aberjona. Thinking back, I recalled a legend. One that would solve our problems. I managed a grunt to alert the snack in front of me of what I had spotted. He spun around and locked eyes with me. I needn’t say anymore, he knew. We quickly changed paths and soon we approached that courageous stream. I looked down and my senses tingled with excitement. The aberjona, as powerful as ever, was a beautiful mixture of burnt sienna and saphron. It’s rapids flowed with ease, effortlessly showering down from rock to rock. I leaned in and took a big whiff. mmm. my nose tingled from nostrils to base. Just being near it, My muscles who had previously atrophied, became strong again, like I had just woken up. My whole body became nimble, ready to move for any cause. Timdog put his hand on my shoulder. “She’s our only chance.” I nodded. It was a risk, but I had faith. Timdog reached into his pocket and pulled out a bag of week-old beef jerky, and a dead squirrel, our last rations. “O goddess of rivers, all knowing Aberjona. Please accept our humble offerings and point us out of this cursed woods.” With no hesitation, he dropped in the items. I waited. 1 minute. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. Nothing. Timdog sighed. “C’mon, we’d better set up camp before the sun sets.” I sighed, staring up at the clouds. There was a particularly beautiful shaped one right above me. It was shaped like a man drinking a jug of a heavy white substance. Suddenly, it transformed. It was in the shape a shrub. No, 10 shrubs, sitting on what appeared to be a log. Over there head there were speech bubbles. Was it just my imagination or were they sharing their bodily functions? I shook my head, but it was still there. It got bigger and bigger until it surrounded me. I panicked. My head shook around, looking for exits. There were none. It kept closing in, until it was just me and Timdog. I looked over at him and his eyes were wide and his legged quivered in fear. Then everything went white. I woke up sitting in a titanium white chair. I had never seen anything like it. I surged the room I was in. It was large. The ceilings and the walls were also white. The outside of the room was decorated with shrubs and logs of many kinds. far away in the distance, I heard a familiar roaring sound of a river. It sounded like.. My train of thought crashed. Before me was a woman, beautiful. She wore a blue dress that had a swirling pattern of white and brown and yellow. Her heels were tall and white. She smiled at me. “It was been a long time since mortals have visited my domain. Tell me, what is it you desire.” She smiled. “What.. Who... Where am I? “You are sitting in the chair of paste, in my mighty kingdom of shrubberies, Aberjonia. For I am the goddess of the river Aberjona.” I got down on my knees and begged. “O fair goddess! Please lead me and Timdog our of these wretched mountains.” I exclaimed. “Very well.” She said, “But first I need to tell the story of the aberjona’ darkest days.” I nodded. “Once upon a time, the aberjona was the largest and only river in the world. There were no other bodies of water. No oceans. Everything was aberjona. I decided to step down from my mighty throne and give to others. I spread my waters all throughout the world. Things flourished. Everyone was living happy and peaceful. Then, one day, a group of dark companies rised. They believed that we were corrupting the world and they had to put a stop to it. They poured toxic chemicals in my water. All the life died. This was my lowest point. I was inches from death. Then, 3 entities rised to save me. Loge, the master of logs. Shrube, queen of shrubs, and Pastel, the president of paste. They helped clean my waters and I thank them for that. They had brought me back and I will always be in debt to them for that.” She pointes at the decorative logs and shrubs on the walls and the chair that I sat in, which suddenly warmed up. “I will share this tale to the people of earth. I will not let these heroes’ efforts go unknown.” I said. “Thank you.” She exhaled a breath of relief. Now off you and your friend go. Then a strange feeling like someone was pulling my guts from the back of my neck occurred and suddenly I was back, lying in the green grass next to the mouth of the aberjona. I sighed a breath of relief as I saw Timdog laying down beside me. We locked eyes and giggled. Then I stood up and went home, telling the story to my mom, who told her book club, who told their yoga instructors, and so on. Today, there isn’t a soul alive who hasn’t head the story of the Aberjona River. TheSlimShrubby (talk) 18:53, 20 August 2020 (UTC)

I have never heard something so eloquent, yet overwhelmingly silly. PolliwagInABog (Sitting on a soggy log) (talk) 19:14, 20 August 2020 (UTC)

Thanks man. Everybody go check out @PolliwagInABog (Sitting on a soggy log) on insta, Facebook, Twitter, yt, etc. TheSlimShrubby (talk) 01:47, 23 August 2020 (UTC)

And also check out @TheSlimmestShrubs on all social media platforms (except TikTok). PolliwagInABog (Sitting on a soggy log) (talk) 18:03, 27 August 2020 (UTC)

I have never experienced the amazing parts of this channel but I can’t wait to experience it soon with my mates 1234yourbigboy17.5 (talk) 21:12, 3 September 2020 (UTC)

Missing Sources
Could someone please provide sources about the pollution of the river? I'm genuinely interested and wanna learn more about this topic. CrystalBall26 (talk) 14:33, 14 April 2023 (UTC)