Talk:HIV/AIDS/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: TheSpecialUser (talk · contribs) 07:30, 15 July 2012 (UTC)

Sure! — TheSpecialUser  ( TSU ) 07:30, 15 July 2012 (UTC)

Sorry for the delay. I had a horribly jam-packed life of late. I'll give out the review in next 12 hours. — TheSpecialUser  ( TSU ) 15:39, 18 July 2012 (UTC)
 * I appreciate your taking this review.  Blue Rasberry    (talk)   17:14, 20 July 2012 (UTC)

I m too late and I know it. Sorry fellows. So here are few observations and corrections: An overview suggests that this is good to go for GA but have few minor problems:


 * The images have appropriate captions but however they need to have WP:ALT so that color blinds may not have trouble
 * Finished adding alt text Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your talk page please reply on mine) 20:42, 29 July 2012 (UTC)


 * The audio version of the article is a bit old. I m not asking you to remove but want your opinion also as in the 1 year gap, a lot of things have changed on the article. Thus, I feel it less likely to keep it as the content differs from the recordings. Though your ideas are appreciated
 * Good point I will ask the person who created the last one if they would like to create a new one. Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your talk page please reply on mine) 00:38, 25 July 2012 (UTC)


 * ref 44 - look at sourcing at India. Thus can you make it like a link leading to the the thing in "references" or to the website?
 * This is possible, but it could end up as a significant shift in the referencing system for the article. I'm not sure that is something we should tackle in the context of GA review. I do think the referencing style overall may need a review, long-term. hamiltonstone (talk) 00:46, 25 July 2012 (UTC)


 * same with ref 21, 152, 153, 154 if possible
 * See above. hamiltonstone (talk) 00:46, 25 July 2012 (UTC)


 * ref 195 and 202 needs expansion
 * text and ref 195 removed. This is non-notable fringe stuff that has no place here. hamiltonstone (talk) 00:37, 25 July 2012 (UTC)
 * ref 202 fixed. hamiltonstone (talk) 00:33, 25 July 2012 (UTC)


 * ref 190 - ISBN? or any link?
 * URL added. It has no ISBN. hamiltonstone (talk) 00:27, 25 July 2012 (UTC)


 * No need to specify in the lead like this as it is already covered thus please remove it; Of these, approximately 16.8 million are women and 3.4 million are less than 15 years old
 * Already covered in the lead? Or you mean already covered in the text? Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your talk page please reply on mine) 20:29, 29 July 2012 (UTC)


 * The lead says nothing about Symptoms
 * Yes we just discussed opportunistic infections / tumors. I have added info about early HIV and the asymptotic periods. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your talk page please reply on mine) 20:48, 29 July 2012 (UTC)


 * Since AIDS was first recognized in 1981, it has led to nearly 30 million deaths (as of 2009).[6] remove this from the 3rd para and add it as the last line in the lead keeping the text like: As of 2009, it has led to nearly 30 million deaths
 * Not sure what you mean... Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your talk page please reply on mine) 20:28, 29 July 2012 (UTC)

I'll be adding and discussing other issues if I found as this was just a quick overview. Thanks! — TheSpecialUser  ( TSU ) 18:54, 20 July 2012 (UTC)

Final review. The article needs a lot of copyediting and grammar fixes. I've stated them below

 *  nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, - link these terms
 * Hmm, I feel this could be overlinking, especially coming so soon after Many individuals develop an influenza-like illness... Maybe just wikilink diarrhea?—MistyMorn (talk) 13:17, 5 August 2012 (UTC)
 * I agree. hamiltonstone (talk) 00:19, 6 August 2012 (UTC)
 * The duration of symptoms varies, but is usually one or two weeks - This is currently the last sentence in the 1st paragraph. Please move the sentence so that the paragraph becomes like this: The initial period following contracting HIV is called acute HIV, primary HIV or acute retroviral syndrome.[9][11] The duration of symptoms varies, but is usually one or two weeks.[13]
 * I'm not sure what issue is being raised here. The requested move would place a sentence about symptom duration before any mention of actual symptoms. As a professional medical writer, that doesn't seem right to me, whereas the present sentence order seems reasonably logical. —MistyMorn (talk) 13:17, 5 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Without treatment the secondary stage of HIV infection lasts from three years[15] to greater than 20 years[16] (ave. eight years).[17] -> Without treatment the secondary stage of HIV infection lasts from three years[15] to more than 20 years[16]. The average period of having the infection in this stage is eight years.[17]
 * Before seeing this suggestion, I spontaneously adjusted the sentence as follows: Without treatment, the secondary stage of HIV infection can last from about three years to over 20 years (on average, about eight years).  I think that conserves the intended meaning. —MistyMorn (talk) 10:46, 5 August 2012 (UTC)
 * While typically there are few or no symptoms initially near the end of this stage many people develop fever -> While typically there are few or no symptoms initially, near the end of this stage many people develop fever - Comma needed
 * Done. —Misty( MORN ) 14:51, 9 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Introduce links to weight loss, gastrointestinal problems and muscles pains
 * I feel this would be WP:OVERLINK. Imo, it's better to save the blue for links which may really help the general reader understand the content. —Misty( MORN ) 14:51, 9 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Between 50–70% of people also develop persistent generalized lymphadenopathy, which is enlarged none painful lymph nodes occurring in a couple of different areas for more than three to six months for which no other reason can be found. -> 50–70% people also develop persistent generalized lymphadenopathy, which is enlarged and not painful lymph nodes occurring in a couple of different areas for more than three to six months, for which no other reason can be found.
 * I agree the sentence needed rephrasing and I've done so prioritizing, I hope, clarity: Between 50–70% of people also develop persistent generalized lymphadenopathy, characterized by unexplained, non-painful enlargement of more than one group of lymph nodes (other than in the groin) for over three to six months.[9]—Misty( MORN ) 14:51, 9 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Link; persistent generalized lymphadenopathy and lymph nodes
 * persistent generalized lymphadenopathy is now wikilinked, and a link to "lymph nodes" is just one click away from there. —Misty( MORN ) 14:51, 9 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Link relevant pages to; CD4+ T-cells and antiretroviral therapy
 * Done Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 09:20, 13 August 2012 (UTC)


 * However, most have detectable viral load and will eventually progress to AIDS without treatment -. However, most have detectable viral load and eventually progresses to AIDS if treatment doesn't take place
 * Sentences now repharased toAlthough most HIV-1 infected individuals have a detectable viral load and in the absence of treatment will eventually progress to AIDS, a small proportion (~5%) retain high levels of CD4+ T-cells without antiretroviral therapy for more than 5 years.[13][18] These individuals are..., thereby also repairing the continuity. —Misty( MORN ) 14:51, 9 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Is it possible to link elite controllers or elite suppressors ?
 * Linked Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 04:30, 9 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Adding:These terms are actually covered by the wikilink to long-term nonprogressors. I've merged two sentences in the interests of concision and clarity and I hope this should now be cleaer (I've also introduced quotation marks to refer to highlight the terms). —Misty( MORN ) 14:51, 9 August 2012 (UTC)


 * AIDS is defined as either a CD4+ T cell numbers below 200 cells per µL or is based on the occurrence of specific diseases in association with an HIV infection -> AIDS is defined as either a CD4+ T cell whose number is below 200 cells per µL, or is based on the occurrence of specific diseases in association with the HIV infection
 * This has been fixed. hamiltonstone (talk) 00:20, 15 August 2012 (UTC)


 * Around half of people infected with HIV will develop AIDS within ten years if not treated -> Half of the people infected by HIV, are with risk of developing AIDS within ten years, if not treated
 * I prefer the original... Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 04:30, 9 August 2012 (UTC)


 * The most common initial conditions that alert to the presence of AIDS are PCP pneumonia (40%), HIV wasting syndrome (20%) and esophageal candidiasis. -> The initial conditions that alert about the presence of AIDS are, PCP pneumonia (40%), HIV wasting syndrome (20%) and esophageal candidiasis.
 * But they're not necessarily the only ones... However, I do agree the sentence needed some attention. I've expanded (and wikilinked) PCP, and inserted cachexia. —Misty MORN 12:28, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * Other common symptoms include recurring respiratory tract infections (such as pneumonia) -> Other common symptoms include, recurring respiratory tract infections, such as pneumonia
 * Thank you for pointing this out. As the bracketed phrase is redundant I've removed it. —Misty MORN 12:28, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * Which infections occur partly depends on what organism are common in the persons environment. -> The infections occur partly depending upon, the organism that are common in the person's body.
 * I think the original was fine. —Misty MORN 12:28, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * or breastfeeding (known as vertical transmission). -> or breastfeeding which is known as vertical transmission
 * Here again, I prefer the original - no point in laying particular emphasis on the term itself, imo. —Misty MORN 12:28, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * Link them; feces, nasal secretions, saliva, sputum, sweat, tears, urine, or vomit
 * I linked the first. Do not think the rest really need linking. Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 04:32, 9 August 2012 (UTC)
 * I added a link to sputum, because unlike most of the others in the list this word may not be so familiar to the general reader. —Misty MORN 09:30, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 *  It is possible to be infected by more than one strain of HIV, which is known as HIV superinfection or coinfection. ->  It is also possible to get the infection by more than one strain of HIV, which is known as HIV superinfection or coinfection.
 * The majority of HIV infections are acquired through unprotected sexual relations where one partner has HIV -> Most of HIV infections are acquired through unprotected sexual contact, where one partner is having HIV
 *  In the United States, as of 2009, most sexual transmission occurred in men who have sex with men[2] with this population accounting for 64% of all new cases.[32] ->  As of 2009 in the United States, most transmissions of HIV occurred through sexual contact in men who have sex with men.[2] This population accounted for 64% of all new cases in US.[32]
 * The risk from anal intercourse is ~1.7% per act[33] and while the risk of transmission from oral sex is less it is still present.[34] -> The risk from anal intercourse is ~1.7% per act[33] while the risk of transmission from oral sex is comparatively less though.[34]
 * Merge these two: Per act risk is estimated at 0–0.04% for receptive oral intercourse.[35] Case reports have documented the acquisition of HIV from receiving oral sex.[36] -> Per act risk is estimated at 0–0.04% for receptive oral intercourse,[35] as case reports have also documented the acquisition of HIV from receiving oral sex.[36]
 * During the first 2.5 month of an HIV infection a persons infectiousness is twelvefold higher due to this high viral load. -> During the first 2.5 month of an HIV infectio,n a persons infectiousness is twelvefold higher due to this high viral load.
 * In reply to last 6 points above: I've copyedited this subsection quite extensively to try to improve the prose and flow. Please shout if you spot any remaining issues. Thank you, —MistyMorn (talk) 21:44, 14 August 2012 (UTC)

Break 1

 * The second most frequent mode of HIV transmission is via blood and blood products.[2] It is not possible for mosquitoes or other insects to transmit HIV.[2][42] -> The second most frequent mode of HIV transmission is via blood and blood products,[2] though it is not possible for mosquitoes or other insects to transmit HIV.[2][42]
 * Suggestion was good but actually I reordered the section, moving low-probability / no-probability pathways to end of section. hamiltonstone (talk) 12:38, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * The risk from sharing a needle during drug injection is between 0.63 to 2.4% (ave. 0.8%). -> The risk from sharing a needle during drug injection is between 0.63 to 2.4% and average rate of it is 0.8%.
 * Did something similar to your suggestion. hamiltonstone (talk) 12:40, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * It is estimated that up to 15% of HIV infections come from transfusion of infected blood and blood products in these areas (5% and 10% of global infections). -> It is estimated that up to 15% of HIV infections come from transfusion of infected blood and blood products in these areas, which accounts for 5% to 10% of total global infections.
 * Yes, but there was another problem with that sentence as well ("in these areas" was in wrong place). Copyedited. hamiltonstone (talk) 12:42, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * The reuse of syringes plays a significant role in HIV spread in sub-Saharan Africa with between 12 to 17% of cases in this region attributed to the practice as of 2009 -> The reuse of syringes plays a significant role in HIV spread in sub-Saharan Africa where between 12 to 17% of cases are attributed due to the practice, as of 2009
 * The WP article did not properly reflect the source in any case. I have revised to fix this. hamiltonstone (talk) 12:30, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * The HIV virus is the cause of the spectrum of disease known as HIV/AIDS -> HIV virus is the cause of the spectrum of disease known as HIV/AIDS
 * Don't understand the issue here - i think it reads worse with "The" removed, and would suggest it stand as is. hamiltonstone (talk) 12:18, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * Once integrated, the virus may become latent, allowing the virus and its host cell to avoid detection by the immune system. Alternatively, the virus may be transcribed, producing new RNA genomes and viral proteins that are packaged and released from the cell as new virus particles that begin the replication cycle anew. - ref?
 * Done Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 08:50, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * In many areas of the world a third of people only discover they have HIV when the disease is already advanced. -> In many areas of the world, only one-third of the people with the infection discover that they have HIV, when the disease is already in advanced state.
 * Agreed there was a problem, but solved it by quoting the source article directly. hamiltonstone (talk) 12:16, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * Research to improve current treatments includes decreasing side effects of current drugs, further simplifying drug regimens to improve adherence, and determining the best sequence of regimens to manage drug resistance -> Research to improve current treatments includes; decreasing side effects of current drugs, further simplifying drug regimens to improve adherence, and determining a better sequence for regimens to manage drug resistance
 * I dn't think a semi-colon is the correct punctuation mark to use. The current version (no punct at that point) is OK. The alternative would be a colon, but then the commas probably ought to be replaced by semicolons, and my own preference is for the current punctuation to remain. The other change is OK. hamiltonstone (talk) 13:09, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * However, after over 20 years of research, HIV-1 remains a difficult target for a vaccine -> However, after over 20 years of research, HIV-1 remains a difficult target for a vaccine and no cure to the disease is discovered yet
 * agree the statement needed to be added; i formulated it slightly differently. hamiltonstone (talk) 12:44, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * such as the brain (a viral reservoir) -> such as the brain which is known as a viral reservoir
 * Again, i agreed with there being a copyediting problem, but tried a different solution. :-) hamiltonstone (talk) 12:46, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * Circumcision in sub-Saharan Africa reduces the risk of HIV infection in heterosexual men by between 38 percent and 66 percent over two years -> Circumcision in sub-Saharan Africa reduces the risk of HIV infection in heterosexual men by 38 to 66 % over the period of two years
 * Quoted source verbatim to avoid any ambiguity. hamiltonstone (talk) 12:54, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * Often, AIDS stigma is expressed in conjunction with one or more other stigmas, particularly those associated with homosexuality, bisexuality, promiscuity, prostitution, and intravenous drug use. - ref?
 * Done Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 08:31, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * According to the African Health Policy Network, some churches in London claim that prayer will cure AIDS  - link to church if their article exists and London
 * My view would be that London is well enough known that it does not need to be linked. I have rewritten the paragraph, as i did not think it quite reflected the source report. We shouldn't link the church site for a couple of reasons: WP doesn't have external links in article text; and the site is not a reliable source (though it certainly does have videos of people claiming to have been cleared of HIV by prayer). I think the news report says everything we need. hamiltonstone (talk) 00:18, 15 August 2012 (UTC)


 * A trend in societal awareness of HIV/AIDS is that the media everywhere has tended to be shy about presenting it initially and that key events or people tend to cause widespread discussion about the disease in various populations. - ref?
 * Unable to find one thus removed. Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 08:39, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * One of the first high profile cases of AIDS was the American Rock Hudson, a gay actor who had been married and divorced earlier in life, who died on 2 October 1985 having announced that he was suffering from the virus on 25 July that year. It had been diagnosed during 1984. -> One of the first high profile cases of AIDS was the American Rock Hudson, a gay actor who had been diagnosed with AIDS during 1984, died on 2 October 1985 having announced that he was suffering from the virus on 25 July that year.
 * Re-done, using a modified version of your suggestion. hamiltonstone (talk) 13:00, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * The virus claimed perhaps its most famous person yet on November 24, 1991, when British rock star Freddie Mercury - remove "most famous" and rephrase the sentence
 * re-did that sentence. Eventually, we should have a discussion about the approach of this section, but not in the context of the GAN :-) hamiltonstone (talk) 12:49, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * Media portrayal - rename to Media portrayal and notable cases
 * I prefer to keep the headings short Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 16:53, 3 August 2012 (UTC)


 * The initial cases were a cluster of injection drug users and gay men with -> The initial cases were a cluster of injection drug users and homosexual men with
 * Done, as well as a couple of other fixes there. hamiltonstone (talk) 13:13, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * HIV was chosen as a compromise between the two claims (LAV and HTLV-III). - ref?
 * Done Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 04:27, 9 August 2012 (UTC)


 * Both HIV-1 and HIV-2 are believed to have originated in non-human primates in West-central Africa and were transferred to humans (a process known as zoonosis) in the early 20th century -> Both HIV-1 and HIV-2 are believed to have originated in non-human primates in West-central Africa and were transferred to humans via., a process known as zoonosis, in the early 20th century
 * I wasn't convinced zoonosis was being used in the right sense there, so tried a piped link instead. See what you think. hamiltonstone (talk) 13:18, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * Image in Discovery - please expand the caption.
 * Either someone else has done this now, or I don't know what else you had in mind... hamiltonstone (talk) 23:19, 14 August 2012 (UTC)


 * AIDS - Change the title to Acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS) and introductory line to: Acquired immunodeficiency syndrome, abbreviated as AIDS, is defined as either a CD4+ T cell numbers below 200 cells per µL or is based on the occurrence of specific diseases in association with an HIV infection


 * Done Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 04:27, 9 August 2012 (UTC)


 * Fix and
 * The disambig stuff is wierd. One of them should be kept: it is a link to the AIDS disambiguation page and is there deliberately. The others I literally cannot find in the article. It is a complete mystery to me. On the link checks: I have added a "subscription required" tag to all links that came up as requiring this. The one deadlink I have removed, mainly because the updated version of the publication doesn't say what the sentence said. The remaining text is adequate. I have updated the link that was timing out. I think that's it. hamiltonstone (talk) 00:01, 15 August 2012 (UTC)

I'm off to Goa and will have a look at the article on 10th August. See-ya  TheSpecialUser TSU 02:05, 1 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Just a passing comment - I can see what SpecialUser is getting at in some of the above suggestions, but some of them appear to introduce grammatical errors and changes in intended meaning that I would advise against. For example the suggestion "In many areas of the world, only one-third of the people with the infection discover that they have HIV, when the disease is already in advanced state" - there should not be a "the" introduced in front of "people with the infection", and anyway "people with the infection" is a clumsy phrase; the suggested commas actually make the sentence worse, and treat the middle phrase as a subordinate clause, which it is not. hamiltonstone (talk) 07:17, 4 August 2012 (UTC)
 * I am really bad at grammar. Hamilton wonder if you could address some of these? Thanks Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 16:11, 4 August 2012 (UTC)
 * I'll also see if I can do something to help by Friday 10th. —MistyMorn (talk) 10:38, 5 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Thanks Doc James  (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 04:12, 6 August 2012 (UTC)