Talk:Joey Jordison/GA1

GA Review

 * GA review (see here for criteria)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS):
 * "Jordison's dedication to music has lead to performances and work with many other bands over his career," Fixed the poor tense and spelling error, but some awkwardness remains. He was isolated until he learned to drive, but started his first band in elementary school?  The clarity and quality of the writing could be improved throughout. "After leaving school he was hired by a local music store called Musicland."  Ponderous.  "In early 1995, Modifidious disbanded due to a lack of interest, owed to the shift in interest from thrash metal to death metal in America."  Whose interest--the band members, or the fans?  The use of "owed to" in that context is troublesome.... and those examples are just from the first four paragraphs.  Prose needs serious work throughout. "Cited references" should be "notes" and a top level heading.  References should probably be standardized--they're a mix of styles currently.
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * With some of the summary style entries, most notably the Slipknot section, it is not clear to me, as an outsider, what is really going on. Some more context would be nice, such that it's clear this is an history, rather than original research. You have enough citations, but I think you need to better communicate the progression of events to non-fans.
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * I really don't get a sense that I know Joey as a person. Who does he love, what does he do besides music?  While the early years stuff needs some polishing, after Slipknot he seems to cease being a person and instead become a touring/sit-in machine.
 * Generally speaking Slipknot band members keep their personal lives out of media attention, not much is known about their families or interests outside of their careers. And to be kind of honest... he is a drumming machine lol. I guess the early years section is quite substantial because the book that is sourced features a lot of information about it, but that book only follows them until 2000 and like I said... sources are sparse regarding their personal lives.  REZTER  TALK   &oslash;  11:56, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * I presume the authors are fans, but the article does a good job of presenting his career without inappropriate enthusiasm.
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars etc.:
 * Sorry, but I see a lot of reverts in the past week without much forward progress in article content.
 * Yeah I agree if this continues I suggest a request for semi-protection.  REZTER  TALK   &oslash;  11:56, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * A good head shot of Joey would be a good addition, but the absence won't hold this back from GA.
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * I was going to place this on hold until I got to looking at the edit history. There's no indication that the article is sufficiently stable, and that's not something you can run out and fix.  I see the seeds of a GA within what's here now, but it's not there yet.  Work on the prose, expand the coverage, tweak the references, and come back after the article has been stable for a week or two, and I expect a future GA nom to go better. Jclemens (talk) 05:11, 21 August 2008 (UTC)