Talk:Manufacturing in Hong Kong

Untitled
"The number of workers increased from 549,000,000"??? Are there that many people in HK? —Preceding unsigned comment added by 60.242.115.53 (talk) 11:24, 27 July 2010 (UTC)
 * No, 5,490,000, not 549,000,000. *shrug*  Kayau  Voting  IS   evil 11:28, 27 July 2010 (UTC)


 * see what you mean. will correct it.  Kayau  Voting  IS   evil 12:55, 27 July 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm sorry, IP, but I was reading a Chinese book, and Chinese has a completely different system of counting large numbers. I should have checked the figures before.  Kayau  Voting  IS   evil 13:01, 27 July 2010 (UTC)

Review from Cunard
I'm glad to see this high importance article in such great shape. Well done. My comments are below:
 * "consists currently of mainly" – there are two -"ly"s within close proximity in this sentence, which makes it appear choppier. Perhaps you can remove "currently", so that it is "consists mainly of"?
 * "For example, Cheoy Lee Shipyard, the largest Hong Kong-based ship-building factory as of 2009" – perhaps you can link Cheoy Lee Shipyard per Red link since it appears to be notable.
 * In "Early development", you did not have a comma for the number 81 700. In the next sections, you do use commas such as "85,300 to 98,200".
 * "Also, as China's products cannot be shipped to foreign countries, Hong Kong's products can replace China's." – there are verb tense issues. This sentence refers to the present instead of to the past. However, I believe that this sentence talks about the 1950s, not today, since today, China's products are shipped to foreign countries.
 * "they wanted to restore their production" – would "they wanted to restore their pre-War production" be better?
 * "By the early 1960s, Hong Kong's textile manufacturing industry was the best in Asia." – perhaps "was the most successful in Asia" would convey the meaning more clearly?
 * "Hong Kong's industrial areas expanded along Victoria Harbour during this period. Before this period, most industrial areas" – "during this period" and "before this period" are used in close proximity. This section also contains repeated instances of "during this period". Perhaps they can be reworded to be more specific. For example, you can say something like "Before the 1960s" or "During the 2000s".
 * "Moreover, the countries where the goods were exported to were no longer limited to large countries such as the United States, the United Kingdom and West Germany." – this sentence doesn't make sense. Perhaps "Moreover, Hong Kong was no longer limited to exporting goods to large countries, such as ..." would be better?
 * "Hong Kong's industries were still known for their low prices" – they are not known for their low prices today?
 * "Hong Kong's capital- and technology-intensive industries were also undeveloped" – I don't know if MOS lets you abbreviate "capital-intensive" as "capital-". I'm inclined to think not but I'm not certain.
 * "The labour-intensive industries of Hong Kong were turned into capital- and technology-intensive industries." – same as above.


 * "while that of the secondary industry rose from 122% to 20.7%" – shouldn't it be "decreased from 122% to 20.7%"?
 * "The livelihood of people in Mainland China has improved. The people no longer have to farm." – this says that the people in Mainland China don't need to rely on farming to survive. I'm not sure that that's quite accurate. Perhaps "Many people no longer have to farm" would be more accurate?
 * "The lack of heavy industries is because the large population of Hong Kong remains favourable for labour-intensive industries, the raw materials and products of light industries are easier to transport than the heavy industries, and that there is insufficient flat land in Hong Kong for heavy industries." – this sentence should be broken up into two or more shorter sentences for easier readability.

Overall, this is a well-researched article that needs a little more work on the prose. Other than that, I believe that Manufacturing in Hong Kong will pass WP:GAN. Best, Cunard (talk) 23:31, 5 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the review –  it was very thorough. I will try to improve the prose later. I know my sentence skills are not as good because I'm not a native speaker. Again, thanks!  Kayau  Voting   IS   evil 06:46, 6 August 2010 (UTC)
 * You're welcome. One minor concern I have is to watch out for when there are two or more consecutive short sentences which make a paragraph flow not as well. The prose is strong; generally, you vary your sentence structures and convey the information clearly. Although you are a non-native English speaker, you write well&mdash;much better, I have to say, than many native English speakers whom I've met. Feel free to ask me if you any copyedits on any of your future articles. Cheers, Cunard (talk) 23:03, 6 August 2010 (UTC)

"City-state"
Following SchmuckyTheCat's reversion of Douglas the Comeback Kid's edits, I hope to point out that while I agree that "city" is a better word than "city-state" in context, the reason given by SchmuckyTheCat is invalid. Hong Kong is commonly regarded as a city-state; see for example City-state and this New York Times portal for more details. Deryck C. 13:39, 6 January 2012 (UTC)

Data?
??? in Early (1952 to 1962)
 * "The number of factories increased from 1902 to 2201 ..."

KaHe (talk) 14:07, 11 December 2012 (UTC)

Data?
??? in Early (1952 to 1962)
 * "The number of factories increased from 1902 to 2201 ..."

KaHe (talk) 14:09, 11 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Those are the numbers of factories, not years. :P Kayau (talk · contribs) 02:34, 6 January 2013 (UTC)