Talk:Mrs. Brisby/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Nominator: 15:35, 5 May 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: FishLoveHam (talk · contribs) 22:04, 5 May 2024 (UTC)

Hey, I'm going to be reviewing this article! My first GA review :) FishLoveHam (talk) 22:04, 5 May 2024 (UTC)

Infobox

 * (Caption) "Mrs. Brisby, as she appears in the 1982 animated film The Secret of NIMH." → "Mrs. Brisby as she appears in the 1982 film"
 * "|created by=Don Bluth" → "|adapted by=Don Bluth" - She wasn't created by Bluth, he adapted the character for the film.
 * Remove "Don Bluth's grandmother" - seems a little informal.
 * Add her children to the infobox.
 * ✅ with the infobox updates. Thanks for taking this review so far! PrimalMustelid (talk) 22:33, 5 May 2024 (UTC)
 * No problem, keep up the good work!! FishLoveHam (talk) 00:31, 6 May 2024 (UTC)

Lead

 * "Mrs. Brisby is a fictional field mouse who appears in Don Bluth Entertainment's animated film The Secret of NIMH (1982)" → "Mrs. Brisby is a fictional field mouse and the protagonist of the 1982 animated adventure film The Secret of NIMH, directed by Don Bluth"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "She is a film adaptation of the character Mrs. Frisby from the 1971 children's book Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH by Robert C. O'Brien and derives in personality from the grandmother of the film director Don Bluth. In the 1982 feature film, Mrs. Brisby is the last filmographic role of the actress Elizabeth Hartman, who by her own accord made the fictional character sound shy and timid." → "Adapted from the 1971 children's novel, Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, in which she is originally named "Mrs. Frisby", she is voiced by Elizabeth Hartman, in her final film role, who by her own accord made the fictional character sound shy and timid." - Less wordy
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "She was originally named "Mrs. Frisby" like the book character but was renamed because of a copyright issue with the toy name "Frisbee" from the company Mattel." → "She was originally named "Mrs. Frisby" during production of the film, like the book character, but was renamed due to a copyright issue with the toy name "Frisbee" from the company Mattel."
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Link "Frisbee"
 * ✅ FishLoveHam (talk) 00:56, 6 May 2024 (UTC)


 * "In the feature film by Don Bluth" → "In the 1982 film"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Brisby is a widowed mother of four children" → "Mrs. Brisby is a widowed mother of four children"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "needs to" → "must"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "his sickness" → "it"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Since her debut, Brisby..." → "Since her debut, Mrs. Brisby..."
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "...by The Secret of NIMH fans" → "...by fans"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)

Origin

 * "The 1982 film The Secret of NIMH..." → "Mrs. Brisby first appears in the 1982 film The Secret of NIMH"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "is based directly on the fantasy and science fiction children's book Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH" → "which is directly based on the fantasy/science fiction children's book Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH"
 * Implemented, keeping in mind the underlined text for corrections. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "plus" → "and"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "illustrated by Zena Bernstein and won the Newbery Medal in 1972" → "illustrated by Zena Bernstein. The book won the Newbery Medal in 1972"
 * Changed. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "is about" → "follows"
 * Changed. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "mouse mother named" → "mouse named"
 * Removed "mother." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "cares about her four children" → "cares for her four children"
 * Modified. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "The farmer Fitzgibbon was planning" → "The farmer, Fitzgibbon, was planning"
 * Added commas. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "and the protagonist has to move" → "meaning Mrs. Frisby must move"
 * Changed sentence. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "according to the doctor mouse Mr. Ages," → "according to the doctor mouse, Mr. Ages,"
 * Added comma. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "he told Mrs. Frisby to seek help from an old owl" → "Mrs. Frisby must seek help from an old owl"
 * Changed. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "relocate Mrs. Brisby's house" → "relocate Mrs. Frisby's house"
 * Oops, changed. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "came into contact with them and offered them" → "contacted them, offering"
 * Simplified. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "16" → "sixteen"
 * remove "based on the 1971 book by O'Brien."
 * Removed. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Bluth in his autobiography gave praise to the story" → "Bluth, in his autobiography, praised the story"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)

Characteristics and design

 * "Characteristics and design" → "Characterization and design"
 * Changed title. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "heroic protagonist" → "protagonist"
 * Removed "heroic." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Mrs. Brisby in the film is a field mouse donning a red cape" → "In the film, Mrs. Brisby is a field mouse who dons a red cape"
 * Changed the sentence. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Brisby is kind" → "Mrs. Brisby is kind"
 * Added "Mrs." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "personality plus in a mournful state" → "personality, but in a mournful state"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * remove the comma after "husband"
 * Removed. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "The protagonist over the course of the movie never had her maiden name or first name revealed" → "Over the course of the film, her forename and maiden name are never revealed"
 * Replaced sentence. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Bluth wrote that the "timid yet brave Mrs. Frisby" reminded him of his grandmother because she worked hard to care for her thirteen children and always advised him whenever he visited her as a child, "Whatever problem you have, just put your shoulder to that wheel and go forward." Mrs. Brisby's emotional strength was drawn from that of Bluth's grandmother." - swap the sentences
 * Swapped, and added same citation for the latter sentence that was swapped. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "always begging for help" → "who was always begging for help"
 * Added "who was." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "made sure" → "ensured"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Brisby may have been" → "Mrs. Brisby", change "may have been" to something like "was".
 * Changed to "was likely." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Dave Spafford's pet rat named Waldo served as a model for the rats of NIMH, but Bluth did not specify if it also served as such for the mice characters like Mrs. Brisby." - remove, unrelated to Mrs. Brisby
 * Removed sentence. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "husband Jonathan" → "husband, Jonathan"
 * Added comma. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "thus making her as a character" - remove "as"
 * Removed "as a." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "independent" → "independently"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Last paragraph has little information about Mrs. Brisby, and is mostly a comparison of the film and the book. I don't think it's very necessary.
 * Removed paragraph. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)

Voice and name change

 * "less capable actress" → "less capable voice actress"
 * Added "voice." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "end up having" → "have"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "The actress Elizabeth Hartman" → "Actress Elizabeth Hartman"
 * Removed "the" (and uppercased "actress"). PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Los Angeles" → "Los Angeles, California" (also link)
 * Modified and linked. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "by 1982" → "in 1982"
 * Changed. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "returning back home" → "returning home"
 * Removed "back." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "actress in 1987 committed suicide" → "actress committed suicide in 1987"
 * Swapped placement of "in 1987." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "The film director" → "The director" or "Bluth"
 * Removed "film." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * move "because of the tragedy" to the start of the sentence
 * Moved. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Because" → "As" or "Since"
 * Replaced "because" with "since." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "they were" → "The crew were"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "While the crew was panicking, the industrial sound designer David Horten" → "However, industrial sound designer, David Horten,"
 * Implemented. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Remove or replace "which sent the staff in shock", a bit too informal
 * Replaced with "to the surprise of the crew." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)

The Secret of NIMH

 * "husband Jonathan Brisby and" → "husband, Jonathan Brisby, and"
 * Added commas. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "doctor Mr. Ages informs" → "doctor, Mr. Ages, informs"
 * Ditto. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "children, Timothy Brisby, is" → "children, Timothy, is"
 * Removed last name. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "must therefore" → "therefore, must"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "stay at home" → "stay home"
 * Removed "at." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "with her medicine for her sick son" → "with medicine for Timothy"
 * Changed. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Jeremy, who she" → "Jeremy, whom she"
 * Changed to "whom." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Afterward" → "Afterwards"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "visited" → "visits"
 * Changed to present tense. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "advised" → "advises"
 * Same as above. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "the leader Nicodemus" → "their leader, Nicodemus"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "The latter" → "Nicodemus"
 * Replaced. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Brisby" → "Mrs. Brisby"
 * Added "Mrs." again. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "cat Dragon" → "cat, Dragon"
 * Added comma. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "but she afterward gets captured" → "but she is captured"
 * Changed. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "save the kids" → "save her children"
 * Modified sentence. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)

The Secret of NIMH 2: Timmy to the rescue

 * change. "Mrs. Brisby plays a minor role in the 1998 direct-to-video sequel, appearing older and making two appearances throughout the film."
 * Changed. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)

Other appearances

 * "short appearances" → "brief appearances"
 * Changed "short" to "brief." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "forms" → "form"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * comma after "stores"
 * Added comma. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "the children's book" → "the spinoff children's book"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)

Reception

 * "Mrs. Brisby has received positive receptions from critics" → "Mrs. Brisby has been positively received by critics"
 * Replaced "from" with "by." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "receptions" isn't a word so I would suggest going with the original change.
 * Fixed. PrimalMustelid (talk) 09:20, 6 May 2024 (UTC)


 * FishLoveHam (talk) 06:04, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "writer Sara Schmidt commended Don Bluth" → "writer, Sara Schmidt, commended Bluth"
 * Added commas. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "the book authors" → "authors" or "writers"
 * Removed "the." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "personality combined" → "personality, combined"
 * Added comma as usual. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * ""lovable mother-mouse"" → "character"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Italicize "The Michigan Daily"
 * Italicized the newspaper publication name. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "expressed his dislike that Mrs. Brisby was portrayed" → "criticized Mrs. Brisby's portrayal"
 * Implemented suggestion. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "criticized her for being" → "commented that her character was"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * add a comma after "young children"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "in voice acting" → "in her voice acting"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Hartman's vocal performance of Mrs. Brisby was well-received by critics of other publications as well" → "Hartman's vocal performance of Mrs. Brisby was also well-received by critics"
 * Changed. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "the fictional field mouse" → "it"
 * Replaced. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "considered that Mrs. Brisby is the best part of the movie" → "considered Mrs. Brisby as the best part of the film"
 * Changed sentence. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "because she took" → "as she took"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "unusual and dangerous" → "big" or "large"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Justin Howe from Fantasy Magazine" → "Justin Howe of Fantasy Magazine"
 * Changed. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "liked both that" → "admired that"
 * Suggestion added. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "who can be" → "who could be"
 * Replaced word. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "by movie fans" → "by fans"
 * Removed "movie." PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "any known first name" → "any knowledge of a first name"
 * Implemented modification. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "One of them told about how she found the mother's struggle to save her children in an otherwise "mostly uncaring and often contemptuous world" could garner close sympathy from most other mothers." → "One expressed how she found the character's struggle to save her children in an otherwise "mostly uncaring and often contemptuous world" could garner close sympathy from most mothers."
 * Changed sentence. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "Sharpson" - Who is Sharpson?
 * His first name, Neil, was mentioned earlier, but added first name again. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "found Brisby to" - you know what I'm gonna say lol
 * Heh. Added "Mrs."
 * "wisecracking hero but" → "wisecracking hero, but"
 * Done. PrimalMustelid (talk) 01:50, 6 May 2024 (UTC)