Talk:Paulette McDonagh

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I fixed a few grammatical mistakes and added a couple of links to other wiki pages. I'm not sure what you are trying to do with those quotes that are formatted oddly so I did not attempt to fix them. I'd look at those again though and fix them, I'd also consider adding a brief bio box that has birth date, death date, so on. It is makes it easier to get info at a quick glance. You can also add a photo there, which is always nice. -KateSheila — Preceding unsigned comment added by KateSheila (talk • contribs) 22:11, 14 November 2015 (UTC)

--- — Preceding unsigned comment added by Joshgoodrich (talk • contribs) 23:38, 15 November 2015 (UTC)

There are weird breaks in your text where it goes "The" in a box as well as "After". It is really confusing what was going on there? If I was trying to make the page fancy, it really just makes it look bad and it would be better to remove them.

Links to other things in your page might also be helpful. For example, Hollywood, Fox Films, and any of the movies that might have a Wikipedia page.

The life and career is really limited. I am assuming she is Australian, maybe put where she was born, who her parents might have been. Just a little bit more about her early life would be really helpful. Then you interrupt this with a bit about their career and go back to their life.

"Paulette McDangh, born on June 11, 1901, collaborated alongside sisters Isabel and Phyllis to create films. They were business partners, working together in the Australian film industry during the 1920s and 1930s. Paulette, the youngest of the three sisters, was the writer and director of all of their films. Phyllis acted as publisher and promoter, while Isabel thrived as an actress. Growing up in an upper-middle-class neighborhood, their home was a lavish back drop for most of their films, filled with antique furniture and rich colors." I made them bold so you can see how they go together, but you interrupted them with the information about her career.

You also seem to push things together in a block of text.

"long with Those Who Love (1926), other silent films created by the McDanagh sisters included The Far Paradise (1928), and The Cheaters (1930). (2) The following two films were able to be produced because of the success of Those Who Love. The Far Paradise was also considered a box office hit because of its enormous success and acclaimed fine art techniques. '''These films of theirs were inspired and influenced not just by Australian film, but also Hollywood melodrama and German expressionism. The melodramatic influences allow for overacting on Isabel’s part while Phyllis and Paulette were able to create longer screen time for her to perform on her own. Isabel acted as a more interesting heroine than most films of its time. Paulette as director, had Isabel acting in different situations such as breaking and entering, cracking safes, and even in the arms of a lover. During this time period it was outside of the norm to show a woman on screen performing those acts, but this gave their silent films depth and a following. Despite the small budget, the sisters, and especially Paulette, were able to create society melodramas or romance, sacrifice, and parental opposition.'''"

In this section you could probably split it up. I bolded the part which could ultimately become its own section. Perhaps it could be simply "influences".

Then in the next part you could section it off as the end of her career. The part about her death should be in the section about her life.

I think the filmography looks really good although you might want to get rid of "select" in the title.

Joshgoodrich (talk) 23:38, 15 November 2015 (UTC)

Overall, page looks pretty good. You should probably create a gray box to the top right of the page so we can see a picture of Paulette with a few important aspects of her life (i.e. date of birth, date of death, occupation, etc.). You have some odd sentences like "In 1933 it was claimed she was one of only five female film directors in the world." The 'it was claimed' part is awkward to read, so you might want to reword that or just take that out all together to have a better sounding sentence. When you say 'At one stage' are you talking about in their careers? Maybe you could combine that whole paragraph so it flows a little better. It seems like it came from an interview, which can be tricky on Wikipedia since it should be a general overview and not their opinions.

Spelling looks good, but be careful of your grammar. There are a view places where commas aren't needed, so just be careful of that. There are a few places where your text is in italics and it's a little confusing because it isn't a title of something.

This page seems like you're focusing more on the sisters as a group rather than just Paulette. There is also a lot of talk about the films and not that much on your director so maybe find something that she specifically said or was accredited for doing.

There are weird gray boxed that may just be an easy fix. Not entirely sure what they are though, maybe just a mistake in the programming.

Alisarner1 (talk) 01:50, 16 November 2015 (UTC)

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment
This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Laurenzazzarino. Peer reviewers: KateSheila, Joshgoodrich, Alisarner1.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 02:11, 18 January 2022 (UTC)

A Commons file used on this page has been nominated for speedy deletion
The following Wikimedia Commons file used on this page has been nominated for speedy deletion: You can see the reason for deletion at the file description page linked above. —Community Tech bot (talk) 16:23, 30 August 2018 (UTC)
 * McDonagh Sisters 5 jpg 390x390 q85.jpg