Talk:Sarah Ashton-Cirillo/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Vami IV (talk · contribs) 00:49, 13 January 2023 (UTC)

Preamble from Vami
Hello, and thank you for your contributions to Wikipedia. My name is Vami, and I will be your reviewer. During this review I may make small edits such as spelling corrections, but I will only suggest substantive content changes in comments here. For responding to my comments, please use ✅,, , ❌, , or , followed by any comment you'd like to make. As my comments are addressed or rebutted, I will cross them out, and only my comments. If I have demonstrated incompetence or caused offense, please let me know. – ♠Vamí _IV†♠  00:49, 13 January 2023 (UTC)

Political journalism and advocacy

 * Some were indifferent to it, while Republican attorney Sigal Chattah saw it as a positive and referred to Ashton-Cirillo as a "unicorn". "Unicorn" may need a footnote or a link to wikitionary since while everyone knows what a unicorn is, the reader might not be familiar with its use in this context.
 * link to Wiktionary. --  Tamzin  [ cetacean needed ] (she&#124;they&#124;xe) 15:37, 13 January 2023 (UTC)
 * Also worth introducing the Proud Boys. As of time of writing, the people reading this article are almost certainly going to know who they are, but we can't assume that for future readers or readers unfamiliar with contemporary American politics.
 * brief explanation in body and even briefer explanation in lede. --  Tamzin  [ cetacean needed ] (she&#124;they&#124;xe) 15:37, 13 January 2023 (UTC)
 * This led Ashton-Cirillo to contact a group of far-right activists, at least one of whom was a member of the Proud Boys. [...] One of those banned was a Proud Boy who Ashton-Cirillo had contacted when recruiting for the Clark County rally. Are these the same guy?
 * It's actually not 100% clear to me? The way I read Scherer 2021, probably, but it's a bit complicated because initially the article doesn't name who A-C contacted, and then later says Yankley (the banned party in question) was on her list and is a self-described Proud Boy. Any thoughts?  --  Tamzin  [ cetacean needed ] (she&#124;they&#124;xe) 15:37, 13 January 2023 (UTC)
 * [...] Ashton-Cirillo haled him at a press conference [...] Did you mean "hailed" here?
 * -- Tamzin  [ cetacean needed ] (she&#124;they&#124;xe) 15:37, 13 January 2023 (UTC)

Foreign journalism and military service

 * There, two men invited her to come to Kharkiv, saying other journalists were fleeing it because it was too dangerous. Recommend replacing "it" with "the city".
 * ✅ --  Tamzin  [ cetacean needed ] (she&#124;they&#124;xe) 15:50, 13 January 2023 (UTC)
 * She developed close ties with the Ukrainian army and police, sometimes delivering food and weapons to them. Would be worth clarifying this. To Ukrainian military and police brass, or just the guys in and around Kharkiv?
 * ✅, to the extent the sources are clear on it. --  Tamzin  [ cetacean needed ] (she&#124;they&#124;xe) 15:50, 13 January 2023 (UTC)
 * Her work included interviews with gay men fighting for Ukraine[33] [...] But a comma after "Ukraine".
 * -- Tamzin  [ cetacean needed ] (she&#124;they&#124;xe) 15:50, 13 January 2023 (UTC)