Talk:Shirley Barrett

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment
This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Cinemazing. Peer reviewers: Musiclove44, RCEP, Cincinnatus.Seen.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 09:15, 17 January 2022 (UTC)

Student Peer Review
Great job on the wikipedia article. Very informative and in-depth, I feel like I learned a lot about Shirley Barrett. I have a few suggestions that might help to improve what you have so far. For the very first few sentences that explain what she is known for, I would space them out so that you have one sentence, which explains what she is primarily known for, then starting a new paragraph, explain the secondary things she is known for. This way, from one glance you understand what makes this person notable. I like that you have included a ‘Personal Life’ item, however I would consider moving it so that it appears after the ‘Career’ to create a better flow. This way you will have Early Life, Education, Career and then Personal Life. Lastly, I love that you have included summaries of the films, I think that’s really helpful. think it would also be beneficial if you could find some information regarding her perspectives or attitudes towards filmmaking. Otherwise, awesome job! Musiclove44 (talk) 20:26, 9 October 2015 (UTC)Musiclove44

Peer Review No. 2

Overall, this is a very well done article, though there are a few minor details which could be touched up a bit.

Your introductory paragraph is very well done, and it summarizes her very well.

In your “Early life and education” section, the information is good, and well sourced, but the structure with merging sentences with quotations is a little awkward and unneeded at times. For instance, in your second sentence, where you write: ‘Growing up in Melbourne, “Shirley herself was a child with a creative bent,”’ maybe try and reword so you paraphrase and quote the article, for instance like: “At a young age, Barrett showed herself to be a child with a creative bent, though she was “unsure where to direct her energizes”[4]. Though be careful to source. Also, the quotation at the end of the paragraph doesn’t need to be directly pulled. You can do without the quotation marks and just leave the citation at the end. Additionally, format-wise, try and include the citations inside the actual sentence, rather than outside of the period marker. It’s a minor detail, though it makes it a little more neat and formal.

Perhaps leave the personal life for after the “Career” section, as it doesn’t flow chronologically with the following section.

For the career section, rather than having one long paragraph detailing her entire filmmaking career, perhaps split it up into several smaller paragraphs, each focusing on a specific phase or film in her career. You could have the first section elaborating on her television career, and then the next focusing on her first feature and the circumstances that allowed for it to be produced, and then the one after that focused on Walk the Talk. Rather than having a “Film” section, perhaps have each films be sub-headings under “Career,” as they’re both essentially the same.

The film profiles are quite good, though I would proof-read over them again and try to blend sentences and quotations more seamlessly when needed.

Move the “Television” section up, as it chronologically pre-dates her filmmaking career in 1996. If you decide to re-structure and merge the “Career” and “Film” sections, be sure to note when Barrett directs television in between productions. Additionally, in the “Filmography” section, list what the episode’s name is and what year it aired. For instance, it states that Barrett directed 10 episodes for Boys from the Bush, though not which episodes. A table chart may be the clearest and easiest way to document this information.

Overall, a very well done and informative article. My only notes would be to re-structure the information of her career into chronological order to give a better context for her works in relation to one another and to review the quotation uses. Other than that, it’s a very fine article.

- Cincinnatus.Seen — Preceding unsigned comment added by 99.245.235.16 (talk) 03:38, 10 October 2015 (UTC)

final edits
Thanks for the feedback from my peer reviewers. After reading over your suggestions I have rearranged the oder of the headings and subheadings according to chronology. I also shortened quotations and paraphrased certain statements. I changed the structure of a couple sentences to be more concise and to allow the sentences to flow smoothly. Cinemazing (talk) 00:43, 14 October 2015 (UTC)


 * Nice work!  Lugnuts  Dick Laurent is dead 08:55, 14 October 2015 (UTC)

Cancer
Shirley Barrett An article was recently published where Shirley talks about living with incurable cancer. https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2022/mar/06/notes-on-dying-it-occurred-to-me-that-this-is-my-last-lychee-season I dont know how to add to this article - but i feel something around battling cancer needs to be in here ? — Preceding unsigned comment added by 167.179.173.150 (talk) 23:11, 6 March 2022 (UTC)