Talk:Stay Up Late/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Golden (talk · contribs) 19:03, 18 May 2023 (UTC)

Lead
 * Add comma after Between 1988 and 1993 to separate the introductory phrase from the main clause.
 * Change an yearly to "an annual".
 * Add comma after explicit.
 * The inclusion of the last two sentences in the first paragraph is confusing because their relation to Stay Up Late isn't clear. If I understand correctly, Stay Up Late was one of the paintings that led to WITF-TV banning erotica. I suggest changing it to something along these lines: "Stay Up Late was one of the paintings that Swords donated to an annual art auction for WITF-TV, and the explicitness of his later paintings, including Stay Up Late, eventually led to the channel banning erotica in 1993."
 * Remove comma after $80 (equivalent to $150 in 2021).
 * Change to commentate on to "to comment on" - We should avoid jargon.
 * Change five city tour to "five-city-tour".

Background
 * Italicize "Omaha" the Cat Dancer and The Secret of NIMH.
 * Change that depict to "which depict".
 * Remove commas before and after named Alice and Bob.
 * Change last sentence to something along these lines: "In 1993, WITF-TV banned erotica from their yearly auction "Gallery 33" due to fear of alienating their audience and losing their FCC license".
 * Wikilink erotica at first mention in article body.

Description
 * You can add the "It's as if Monet had a furry period." (from this source) comment of Oliver to this section.
 * I'm not sure if words like rats and ashtray need to be wikilinked. They may be considered MOS:OVERLINK.

Provenance
 * In my opinion, "History" would be a better section title than "Provenance" because it is a more familiar word to readers.
 * Change offered to buy the painting to "offered to buy it".
 * Change and a $20,000 donation to a food bank. to "and make a $20,000 donation to a food bank".
 * Paraphrase one of the writing for instances to avoid repetition.
 * Change As a part of a October 2021 to "As part of an October 2021".
 * Break up the first sentence of the third paragraph.
 * Change Each museum visited to "Each visited museum".
 * Change lamb chop and neckties probably don't need to be wikilinked.

References
 * Add archive links for refs #3, 5, and 10.

Additional comments — Golden  call me maybe? 20:25, 19 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Earwig shows no copyvio.
 * All sources are reliable and support the claims for which they're cited.
 * The only picture in the article is relevant and has been appropriately tagged for fair use.
 * Overall, great job. Happy to pass once the above points are addressed.


 * I see this and will get to it tomorrow. -- Guerillero Parlez Moi 18:34, 21 May 2023 (UTC)
 * @Golden All have been done except removing provenance, which is a common term in fine art. -- Guerillero Parlez Moi 20:24, 22 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Great. I have one more suggestion: The first paragraph and the first sentence of the second paragraph of the Provenance section seem to be describing the same event. Both mention the $1,000 purchase and the $20,000 donation. The only new information in the second paragraph is the exact date of the John Oliver episode. So, I suggest adding the date to the first paragraph and removing the sentence from the second paragraph. P.S. Apply the third point I made in the Provenance section to the first paragraph as well. — Golden  call me maybe? 20:43, 22 May 2023 (UTC)
 * @Golden: I trimmed it, because it was repetitive -- Guerillero Parlez Moi 21:11, 22 May 2023 (UTC)