Talk:Sunday Iyahen/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: SafariScribe (talk · contribs) 08:21, 16 May 2024 (UTC)

I'll initiate this review later. Thank you also for your contributions, though I'm not perfect, so I'll welcome your corrections or flags for any inaccuracies. Please indicate done or any other phrase if the task has been completed, so I don't need to double-check whether it's been addressed in the article. Regards.

Review
Lede should be the final before source review, so I'm starting with "Early life" section.
 * link Benin City, Edo State, Nigeria.
 * ✅ WP:OLINK, I linked only Benin City here. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 12:30, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * He was the eldest of at least seventeen children of Solomon Igbinuwen Iyahen and his wife Aiwekhoe. Perhaps "...seventeen children of father, Solomon Igbinuwen Iyahen and mother Aiwekhoe." Replacing "his wife" to "and mother" can ease readability for one who may think the wife is for Sunday.
 * ❌ This is only going to make things more difficult, The current sentence is way better compared to this suggestion. Anyone reading that would know that Solomon is the father, and Aiwekhoe is the mother of Sunday. adding father before the father's name is unnecessary and replacing "his wife" with "and mother" is unnecessary and it disrupt the sentence logically. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 12:30, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Iyahen attended Saint Matthew's Primary school in Benin City (1944-45), followed by Saint Peter's School (1945-51) in the same city. Remove the "in Benin City", as well as "followed by" and replace them with perhaps "...Primary School (1944–1945) and Saint Peter's School (1945–1951) in Benin City respectively."
 * ✅ --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 12:30, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Link "Edo College"
 * ✅ --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 12:30, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Is the link supporting Edo College in Benin City? Why not remove the "Benin City when it is obvious for the college.
 * ✅ --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 12:30, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * In 1956, he passed in the Cambridge school certificate examination, earning a Division One. Remove the "in the" before "Cambridge ..."
 * ❌ This is another unnecessary suggestion as "he passed Cambridge school certificate examination" is not any better. Current sentence makes even more sense. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 12:30, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * He studied at Government College, Ibadan, for his Cambridge Higher School Certificate in 1957-1958: link Government College, Ibadan.
 * ✅ --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 12:30, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Is this School Certificate notable for linking? When was it used in Nigeria?
 * The Cambridge Higher School Certificate was used in Nigeria during the colonial era. The West African Examinations Council (WAEC) conducted the School Certificate and Higher School Certificate examinations of the Cambridge Examinations Syndicate. This was part of the British educational system that was in place in Nigeria at the time. The exact years, I have no idea. But I linked the certification. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 12:30, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Replace the "in" to "from 1957 to 1958".
 * ❌ This will only mean something different. "He studied at Government College, Ibadan, for his Cambridge Higher School Certificate in 1957–1958." simply means the study occurred at some point within the 1957–1958 timeframe, but not necessarily spanning the entire period, which is what this is about. Conversely, "He studied at Government College, Ibadan, for his Cambridge Higher School Certificate from 1957–1958." implies that the study period spanned the entire duration from 1957 to 1958, which is not what this is about. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 12:30, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Try to avoid MOS:PROSE and not breaking words unnecessarily.
 * ?? Where did you find one?
 * Link University College, Ibadan.
 * ✅ --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 12:30, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Remove "to study mathematics. He" replacing it with "and" to become: "In 1959, he enrolled at University College, Ibadan, and graduated with a first class honours in mathematics in 1963.
 * ✅ --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 12:30, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * He then proceeded to the University of Keele, add "Keele, England, where he obtained his Ph.D. and D.Sc. in mathematics in 1967 and 1987 respectively." It makes more sense . Safari Scribe Edits! Talk! 09:26, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * ❌ Because I am emphasising on the historical timeline, the current sentence is prefered. Your suggestion is nice and concise but in this context, the current sentence emphasises the timeline and make each step in his educational journey stand out. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 12:30, 16 May 2024 (UTC)

Academic career
 * Unlink "senior lecturer", it's common.
 * ✅ --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:23, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * I would call it "Head of the Department for Mathematics" to match the word HOD instead of the Department Head for Mathematics.
 * ✅ Both are correct, but since you want this, I hope you're aware of the consequence? "Head of the Department for Mathematics" is more commonly used in British English. It emphasises the role first ("Head of the Department") and then specifies the department ("of or for Mathematics"). "Department Head for Mathematics" is more commonly used in American English. It emphasises the department first ("Department Head") and then specifies the subject area ("of or for Mathematics"). This means, I will change all spellings throughout the article to use British English, which I have also ✅. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:23, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * "dean of the Faculty of Physical Sciences and director of the Centre for Mathematical Sciences." Capitalise "Dean" and "Director".
 * ❌ "dean of the Faculty of Physical Sciences and director of the Centre for Mathematical Sciences" is commonly used in a sentence where the titles are not at the beginning, which is where this sentence falls in to. For example, "He was the dean of the Faculty of Physical Sciences and director of the Centre for Mathematical Sciences." "Dean of the Faculty of Physical Sciences and Director of the Centre for Mathematical Sciences" is commonly used when the titles are at the beginning of a sentence or in a list. For example, "Dean of the Faculty of Physical Sciences and Director of the Centre for Mathematical Sciences, Dr. John Doe, has made significant contributions to his field." --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:23, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * We have Centre for Mathematical Sciences (disambiguation), so, put Abuja, Nigeria or the precise location to help the ambiguous word "Centre for Mathematical Sciences".
 * ✅ --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:23, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Additionally, he held the position of vice-chancellor from 1985 to 1986. I haven't revealed the sources, but add the University where he was the VC and should be in sentence case like "Vice Chancellor of ..."
 * Oh! If it's ITB, Benin, then it should be to the abbrev. like ITB, Benin. Also place the abbrev of the University in the first appearance.
 * I don't know what this means. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:23, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * He contributed as a visiting professor to various institutions, including the University of Lagos, University of Jos, University of Port Harcourt, University of Ilorin, University of Nigeria, Nsukka, University of Cape Coast (Ghana), University of Khartoum (Sudan), and the University of Waterloo, Canada. Should follow after "...1985 to 1986." Remove the paragraph and link the universities that has not being linked in any part of the article.
 * ✅ --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:23, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Remove the above brackets as they're unnecessary parenthesis. I would write it beside after a comma.
 * ✅ --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:23, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * He was a fellow of the Nigerian Academy of Science. Capitalise perhaps "Fellow of ..."
 * ❌ This is yet another case, just as I explained above. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:23, 16 May 2024 (UTC)

Political career
 * Iyahen was a two-time senator of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Thus type of sentence keeps a reviewer at suspense. Place comma since the next word and format to adjust better.
 * I do not understand how this keeps a reviewer at suspense, and do not understand the comment here generally. Kindly explain. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:46, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Capitalise as "Senator of the Federal Republic of Nigeria."
 * ❌ This is yet another case as I explained above. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:46, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * This section needs in-site-linking where necessary. For example, "National Party of Nigeria." Is Bendel Central Senatorial District notable? A senatorial district should have a Wikipedia article. So, if it doesn't exist as a redirect, then, red link.
 * "Bendel Central Senatorial District" should presently be related to Edo North senatorial district and Delta Central senatorial district. That is not related to this review in any way and don't mind to add a redlink. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:46, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * The dates in bracket should go with hyphen - instead of "to".
 * Both are correct, but they are used in slightly different contexts. "(August 1992 to November 1993)", for example, is typically used in more formal or academic writing. It clearly indicates the start and end dates. But "(August 1992–November 1993)" is often used in more informal contexts or when space is limited, such as in a resume or a news article. We have enough space right on this article. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:46, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Vanderwaalforces, I noticed this section is small to have a full section to it. Why not have a ==Career== with subsections ===Academics=== or related (something like "Academic life/career" is good too). Then, ===Politics/Political career=== . Safari Scribe Edits! Talk! 10:32, 16 May 2024 (UTC)
 * ❌ We have had plenty articles with less sentences in some sections, the size of this section is currently sufficient. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:46, 16 May 2024 (UTC)

Personal life and death
 * Iyahen died on 28 January 2018 in Benin City, Edo State, Nigeria. He was 80 years old. He was buried on 16 February 2018 at his residence in Benin City. Add comma after "2018".
 * Can be this be rephrased as "Iyahen died at 80 on 28 January 2018, in his residence Benin City and was buried on 16 February 2018.
 * I merge the two sentences into one paragraph. This is yet another suggestion that is not necessary as the suggested rephrasing is too short, and on this article, we have enough space to write as much as we want. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:49, 16 May 2024 (UTC)


 * @SafariScribe Checks out. Vanderwaalforces (talk) 13:52, 16 May 2024 (UTC)