Talk:The Lion King/GA3

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 18:50, 10 April 2014 (UTC)


 * Prose
 * Lead
 * In the first paragraph, include Nathan Lane in the list of voice cast members- his role as Timon is quite prominent.
 * In the second paragraph, remove the bit on Pocahontas- not exactly relevant to this film
 * In the third paragraph, include a space between "US" and "$987" for its earnings.


 * Plot
 * "In the Pride Lands of Africa, a lion king rules over the other animals, who celebrate the birth of future king Simba, son of King Mufasa and Queen Sarabi at Pride Rock." is a lengthy sentence. Try splitting this into two sentences to read something like "In Africa, a lion king named Mufasa and his wife queen Sarabi rule over the other animals. While the two celebrate the birth of their son Simba, Mufasa's younger brother Scar is filled with envy and resentment, knowing Simba replaces him as heir."
 * "Mufasa's younger brother, Scar, is jealous and resentful of Simba, who replaces Scar as heir to the throne." would read better as something like "Mufasa's younger brother, Scar, envies and resents Simba since he replaces Scar as heir to the throne".
 * "Mufasa gives the cub Simba" would read better as "Mufasa gives young Simba"
 * "Scar tricks Simba into exploring a forbidden elephant graveyard with his best friend, female lion cub Nala" would read better as something like "Scar tricks Simba and Simba's best friend Nala into exploring a forbidden elephant graveyard".
 * "Scar tricks Simba into thinking Mufasa's death is the cub's fault and advises him to run away forever." would read better as "Scar convinces Simba that he was responsible for his father's death."
 * "Scar orders the hyenas to kill Simba, but the cub escapes" should have "Simba" in place of "cub"
 * "Scar then announces to the pride" would read better as simply "Scar then announces"
 * "Simba, far from home, collapses in a desert from exhaustion, but is found by Timon and Pumbaa, a meerkat and a warthog, who nurse him back to health." is a lengthy sentence. Try rephrasing and splitting into something like "After running far away, Simba collapses in a desert from exhaustion. He is later found by a meerkat named Timon and warthog named Pumbaa. Timon and Pumbaa nurse Simba back to health." To avoid a redirect, you can have "a meerkat named Timon and a warthod named Pumbaa" in a piped link or just simply link them in the sentence where they nurse Simba.
 * "Wise mandrill Rafiki, a former adviser and friend of Mufasa's, tracks Simba down, telling him Mufasa is still 'alive' and taking him to a pond." is a lengthy sentence. Try "Simba encounters Mufasa's insightful friend and advisor Rafiki. He tells Simba that Mufasa is still 'alive' and takes him to a pond."


 * Cast
 * The characters don't need to be linked in this section when already linked in the plot section
 * Timon and Pumbaa should have their own lines and descriptions
 * The hyena trio should have their own lines and descriptions even if brief, especially since Jim Cummings also voices a gopher and (partially) Scar


 * Reception
 * Critical response
 * "The Lion King was released to critical acclaim and at Rotten Tomatoes, based on 96 reviews collected, the film has an overall approval rating of 90%, with a weighted average score of 8.2/10." is lengthy. Try splitting it into something like "Upon release, The Lion King received critical acclaim. Rotten Tomatoes calculated an overall approval rating of 90% with a weighted average score of 8.2/10 based on 96 reviews."
 * "Metacritic, which assigns a normalized 0–100 rating to reviews from mainstream critics, calculated an average score of 83 from the 14 reviews it collected." is also lengthy and would read better as something like "MetaCritic calculated an average score of 83/100 based on 14 reviews".
 * "Owen Gleiberman, film critic for Entertainment Weekly, praised the film" would read better as "Owen Gleiberman from Entertainment Weekly praised the film" or "Owen Gleiberman of Entertainment Weekly praised the film"
 * "James Berardinelli, film critic for ReelViews, praised the film" would read better as "James Berardinelli from ReelViews praised the film" or "James Berardinelli of ReelViews praised the film"
 * Try spacing out the large paragraph full of critics' reviews so there are two or three paragraphs instead.


 * Sourcing
 * Cast
 * The cast list should all be cited


 * Reception
 * Critical response
 * The reliability of Chicago Sun-Times comes off as questionable. I'd remove this altogether or replace it with a more reliable Chicago paper like Chicago Tribune.
 * Are you seriously questioning the inclusion of a Roger Ebert review?
 * Not so much the person as I am the source, Sun-Times has a tabloid-like sense to it. I don't recommend tabloids. If he left a review of the film through some other paper/source (i.e. his own website), use that in place.
 * Oh wait nevermind - I just checked the link and it is to his website.
 * Controversies
 * ref#102 should read "The Michigan Daily" rather than simply "Michigan Daily".


 * Coverage
 * Legacy
 * Can the subsections in these be expanded beyond 2 or 3 incomplete paragraphs? If not, I'd merge them so each subsection has one or two more complete paragraphs.
 * Expanded as possible (tried not to give too much detail as basically everything there has its own article).


 * Reception
 * Re-releases
 * The IMAX section could use expansion as it is a stubby paragraph.


 * Neutrality
 * No problems here


 * Stability
 * No problems here


 * GA Result
 * If these are all addressed within the next seven days, I will pass the GAN.


 * See if my edits fulfilled all requests or something is still pending. igordebraga ≠ 14:38, 13 April 2014 (UTC)


 * I've struck off the things that have been fulfilled. The rest still need to be addressed. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 21:35, 13 April 2014 (UTC)


 * Done some more. igordebraga ≠ 00:04, 14 April 2014 (UTC)


 * Passing! XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 04:16, 14 April 2014 (UTC)