Talk:Wage slavery/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Connolly15 (talk · contribs) 15:54, 15 February 2012 (UTC)

Discussion

General Comments


 * The history section lacks focus.


 * Terms are unnecessarily defined as if an essay is being presented that is disconnected from Wikipedia. For example, under “Capitalism” the first sentence says: “Wage slavery as a concept can be a general criticism of capitalism, defined as a condition in which a capitalist class (a minority of the population) controls all of the necessary non-human components of production (capital, land, industry, etc.) that workers use to produce goods.”  It’s not necessary to define capitalism as it is linked.

LEDE


 * WP:LEADCITE (MoS) - Although there is no rule against citations in the lede, in a good article they should be unnecessary as they would be redundant because the lede is meant to only summarize the article itself.

History


 * WP:ITALIC (MoS) - Titles should be italicized (“De Officicus” by Cicero) … quotations should not be italicised (under section “Self-Identity problems and stress”)


 * MOS:Quote (MoS) - Please review MoS requirements on quotations. The block quote from Cicero appears inappropriate given its length.


 * WP:ALLEGED (MoS) - Avoid expressions of doubt such as, “The first articulate description of wage slavery was perhaps made by…”


 * ”The use of the term wage slave by labor organizations may originate…”


 * WP:EMBED (MoS) – The use of a list for the arguments comparing wage workers to chattel slavery does not meet MoS requirements.


 * Section is repetitive – “The imagery of wage slavery was widely used by labor organizations during the mid-19th century to object to the lack of workers' self-management. However, it was gradually replaced by the more neutral term "wage work" towards the end of the 19th century, as labor organizations shifted their focus to raising wages.” Then later in the same section, “The term 'wage slavery' was widely used by labor organizations during the mid-19th century, but the structural changes associated with the later stages of industrial capitalism … Thus, "wage slavery" was gradually replaced by the more pragmatic term "wage work" towards the end of the 19th century.”


 * WP:PEACOCK – avoid “peacock terms” such as in this case: “C. L. R. James made a famous argument that…”


 * WP:WEASEL – avoid unsupported attributions – “Some supporters of wage and chattel slavery have linked …”


 * “Proponents of the viewpoint that”


 * WP:JARGON – avoid jargon that is not defined or linked, such as “European radicalism”

Treatment in various economic systems


 * First paragraph has only one citation?

Opinions on psychological effects


 * No citations in the first two paragraphs of “Lower Wages” section


 * No citations to support facts in “Lowest Wages” section.

---Note--- I have stopped reading in detail at this point. Hopefully the above examples give editors monitoring this article a sense of what, IMHO, needs to be tackled throughout the article. There are particular MoS concerns and the article does come off like more of any essay than an encyclopaedia.

I hope my comments are not considered overly harsh. I try to be as critical as possible to help improve the article. Please do consider resubmitting the article for review once it is compliant with the MoS.