User:Wild Mountain Thyme

Wild Mountain Thyme (October 18, 1986 - ) is a new Wikipedia contributer known for her charming wit, stunning beauty, and off-beat brand of humor, all of which she paid us to mention in this article. She is in love with half of the men she lays eyes on. Her pasttimes include going to therapy, sleeping, and spending an inordinate amount of time worrying about the mammary intercourse article.

Early Life
Wild Mountain Thyme was born a child to mortal parents in the remote Midwestern farming village of Melrose Park, Illinois. Much like Jesus, little is known of her infant years, except that she screamed a lot and inexplicably fell asleep to the vacuum cleaner. From an early age she showed an impressive ability for idle chatter. Her otherwise happy (and painfully unremarkable) childhood was marred by tragedy when, at the age of seven, she was kidnapped by a band of clinically depressed grief counselors. This event, coupled with the trauma of never receiving the Barbie dreamhouse she had so desperately sought Christmas after Christmas, would have a profound effect on WMT later in life. She lived out several years following her abduction exiled on the island of Crete.

(TO BE CONTINUED.)