User talk:FishandChipper/Archives/2023/June

Your draft Draft:Jan Misali
I have made some changes to your draft page about jan Misali, review it and send a message/some feedback. IGPSS101 (talk) 04:45, 21 June 2023 (UTC)


 * I checked it out and it was very unencyclopedic I'm sorry. Very drawn on about nothing FishandChipper 🐟🍟 14:52, 21 June 2023 (UTC)
 * Can you give some advice? Also now that it got edited it will not be deleted off so atleast that's going good for us. And can you change the title to “jan Misali” instead of “Jan Misali”? IGPSS101 (talk) 06:08, 22 June 2023 (UTC)
 * Let's go through it shall we?
 * "Mitch Halley, popularly known on YouTube and Online as jan Misali (or just Misali) often with the username “hbmmaster” (like on Discord) is an Educational Youtuber who is mainly known for his Video Series “Conlang Critic” and some occasional Video Essays. He speaks English along with toki pona and so stylises his text by not using Capital (Uppercase) text except for proper nouns (like it is in toki pona). The name “jan Misali” comes from the toki pona words “jan” (person) and “Misali” (tokiponisation of Mitch), so literally, the name jan Misali means something along the lines of “That Misali person”."
 * First things first the tone is far too conversational, stuff like "(like on Discord)" and the use of terms like "literally" when unnecessary is frowned upon.
 * Second the piece drags on about their name's meaning in Toki Pona which really doesn't matter in the header, stuff like that should be mentioned much later down, probably in a section about Conlang Critic.
 * There's very wishy-washy usage of capital letters and it comes off as unpolished, this might be a draft but your edits shouldn't be their first draft.
 * Overall it wasn't that terrible but I think we could do a lot beter than that. I understand that you're a new editor and these things take time and I hope this hasn't discouraged you at all. Try reading some of the material here and here to get a better idea and feel for how a Wikipedia article should feel. And feel free to ask me if you have any questions. FishandChipper 🐟🍟 17:58, 22 June 2023 (UTC)

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