User talk:Jag223

Welcome
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Welcome!
Hello, Jag223, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:46, 30 August 2022 (UTC)

Peer Review: Moran
The article does well to expand upon the already existing content with good source material. What impressed me most was the use of these sources to expand in a pretty innovative way, as in how you took a concept mentioned or even not present and found sources for what you felt was important to talk about. Your tone was also very academic and sounded like Wikipedia normally does, which is good.

I think that the readability of the article is where the most work can be done. There are little things you can do to improve readability like introducing transitional words and phrases as well as leading with your source at the beginning of sentences. There are also some bigger things like reevaluating sentence structure (avoiding run ons, clearing out redundancies) that can also help.

The most important thing that can be done to improve this article, aside from fixing the readability of a few sections, is probably introducing differing perspectives on where the disparities come from. This would give the article much more credibility. I also think prioritizing adding blue links would serve to incorporate the additions with broader wikipedia and make them more accessible. Jackspm10 (talk) 21:35, 26 October 2022 (UTC)