Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Magic: The Gathering/archive1

Magic: The Gathering
Partial self-nom. This article was up for FAC ten months ago (see here); the vote was pretty much evenly split between Support and Oppose, and I think most of the concerns raised at the time have been adequately addressed. References have been added, the sections are more balanced in length, and much of the unnecessary details of gameplay, tournament structure, and strategy have been moved to separate pages. This article has not been through peer review, but it has been the center of the Magic: The Gathering WikiProject and has been shepherded by several dedicated users. Andrew Levine 21:53, 13 October 2005 (UTC)
 * Support. Andrew Levine 21:59, 13 October 2005 (UTC)
 * Object. Looks very promising, but (1) List of card types should be edited to fix grammar, as well as standardize the definitions. As it stands, half the definitions make correct use of the colon, and the other half are written as though it isn't there. (2) Clarify terms such as "graveyard" and "tap" before they are used. (3) Clarify which card types are permanents and which are spells. (4) "A detailed rulebook exists..." needs a footnote linking to the rulebook's name or website. KingTT 22:42, 13 October 2005 (UTC)
 * Even in the most recent edit, I have no idea what the purpose of artifacts in MTG are. The only information I can glean from the list of card types is what kind of fictional objects the cards represent. KingTT 14:59, 16 October 2005 (UTC)
 * If that's your biggest objection for that section, we're making progress. You would not believe what this looked like last time it was nominated. --Khaim 01:34, 17 October 2005 (UTC)


 * Object. The images Image:White mana 40w-1-.jpg, Image:Blue mana 40w-1-.jpg, Image:Black mana 40w-1-.jpg, Image:Red mana 40w-1-.jpg, Image:Green mana 40w-1-.jpg, and Image:Magic old new border2.jpg have no source or copyright information.  --Carnildo 23:05, 13 October 2005 (UTC)
 * UPDATE: The images mentioned by Carnildo, with unclear copyright status, have been removed. Andrew Levine 02:16, 14 October 2005 (UTC)
 * Image:MagicCards.jpg appears to be incorrectly labeled also. That isn't a board game cover. KingTT 23:34, 13 October 2005 (UTC)


 * Weak object I had a long list of objections last time around, to refresh:
 * intro section too long (shouldnt be more than 1 or 2 paras)
 * history seems awful brief.
 * game play should be shortened and split into sub articles, this isnt a HOW-TO article.
 * is the section on secondary markets really necessary?
 * artwork is very brief, needs to be beefed up a bit (I originally collected for the artwork, so did many of my friends)
 * controversy should be spun off into a stub and expanded, theres been a lot of it and this brief mention doesnt do it justice in my opinion.
 * needs a few more references
 * external links are extensive and should be split into groups.
 * I would say these have all been fulfilled, however my new objections follow with the opposition of the users above, 1) this desperately needs a grammar/spelling check. 2) Some of the formatting doesnt have parallel form, 3) Images need to have clear copyright status. Once those are cleared up you have my support. Overall this is in MUCH better shape this time.  ALKIVAR &trade;[[Image:Radioactive.svg|18px|]] 02:33, 14 October 2005 (UTC)
 * Thanks for recognizing the improvements. But what do you mean, "parallel form?" Please help, I want to have all objections satisfied by the end of the weekend. Andrew Levine 03:34, 14 October 2005 (UTC)


 * Object—poorly written; Wikipedia requires the prose of FAs to be 'compelling, even brilliant'. Most sentences require surgery; here are just a few examples from the top to demonstrate that the whole text needs a thorough edit, preferably by someone else who can use 'fresh eyes' to turn the current chaos into an error-free, logical, and user-friendly article.
 * We'd like to know what 'Wizard of the Coast' is, without hitting the link. What do you mean by 'introduced'? ('published'? 'developed'? For Windows alone?)
 * 'and continues to endure with an estimated six million players in over seventy countries worldwide and on the Internet'—'70' better than 'seventy'; use 'more than', not 'over'; 'continues to endure' is tautological; is 'on the Internet' part of your 70-country and 6M count? (Categories a little fuzzy.)
 * 'The game plays as a strategy contest'—'is played' or just 'is a'.
 * 'In the game's primary fictional setting, each duel represents a battle'—Introduce the fact that the game consists of duels before you tell us something more detailed about them.
 * 'upon'—use 'on' wherever possible.
 * 'drew heavily from'—use the correct preposition.
 * 'The game boasts a thriving official tournament system'—I get the point, but the first three words are a bit hyped; just be plain and straightforward.
 * What is a 'scholarship prize'? Briefly gloss here, or deal with it later or not at all.
 * 'but is also known to be very well supported by casual gamers who only play with friends at schools, clubs, or home'—'but' is a false contrast here; you're not contradicting the previous clause, are you? 'known to be'—remove so that it's a plain statement. Remove 'only'? 'and' may be better than 'or' (same problem with your list of colours below). To follow this with 'The cards themselves also have value, much like other trading cards, but in this case based on both scarcity and game play potential' raises the question of 'also'—how is this statement connected with the previous sentence? What kind of value—real money?


 * Comment: I see external links in the "Colors of Magic" section. Could you convert those to footnotes, please? And "parallel form" means that in lists or complex sentences, the things being listed should be in the same form. A sentence not in parallel form would be something like this: "Three powers are most valued: being able to fly, the knowledge of another player's deck, and black magic." (I made this up, obviously, it's not in the article.) To put it in parallel form, rewrite like this: "Three powers are most valued: flying, casting black magic spells, and knowing the cards in another player's deck." Mamawrit  es    & listens  09:57, 14 October 2005 (UTC)
 * Object per above. I hit the second paragraph and got confused.  "In the game's primary fictional setting, each duel represents a battle between very powerful wizards called "planeswalkers"..."  What is a "primary fictional setting"?  I take it the game somehow tells a story, but are there multiple stories in the game?  That meant that I hit the history section without much of an idea why the game could be played in "downtime".  The rest of the article is reasonably good, so I'd suggest rewriting the lead with the idea that the reader may not have a clear idea what the game is.  Jkelly 04:59, 15 October 2005 (UTC)
 * Abstain. I'd like to support, after all, I was the past nominator - but above objections raise a good point. This needs language improvement. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus Talk 05:30, 19 October 2005 (UTC)