Wikipedia:Peer review/Akshay Kumar/archive1

Akshay Kumar
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I needs advice for improving this article up to GA level. My main concerns are prose, comprehensiveness and neutrality of the article. All helpful comments are welcome.

Thanks.Skr15081997 (talk) 08:45, 25 January 2015 (UTC)

Comments by Cowlibob
I've never really worked on articles but if I were to try and get an article to GA this is what I would do. Hope this helps. Cowlibob (talk) 18:13, 30 January 2015 (UTC)
 * Look at recent FAs of the same type. Good recent ones are : Julianne Moore and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Also of course Krimuk's collection. It wouldn't be about trying to get FA but just the attempt should make your GA candidate exceptional.
 * I would see what things they have that my current article doesn't have and use them as inspiration.
 * I would look at their GA reviews and especially their FA reviews (where the most experienced and skilled users usually are) and note what points were highlighted and use it as a kind of cheatsheet of problems that I could encounter and how they were overcome.
 * Of course different articles can have different problems but usually they're of a similar nature.
 * Looking at the Akshay Kumar article itself, I would try and clear the lead of references ensuring relevant info is cited later on.
 * Early life should just consist of standard BLP stuff: where they were born, who their parents and siblings are. Brief comment on education and any aspirations as a child. His interest in martial arts as that would prove helpful later on his career as an action hero.
 * Moving on, how they got their first role. Then their film career section should essentially be telling a story which highlights the highs and lows of their career, major milestones and setbacks. Alongside these you can use quotes from the actor or from others about the actor such as reviews or directors/costars which helps make it an easier read.
 * I like the reception and roles section found in the above FAs as I think some acting bios lack emphasis about acting style, roles that they particularly played or were renowned for. In Akshay's case, action hero type roles.
 * Personal life section should be prominent relationships which is only Twinkle Khanna. Any off-screen work. Remove any trivia. Media work such as endorsements though this can be separated out into a different section.

Comments from FrB.TG
Some minor points: Hope these suggestions help you. -- FrankBoy (Buzz) 14:47, 1 February 2015 (UTC)
 * I had some points which are already mentioned by Cowlibob above. I suggest adding a section about "In the media". I would probably add about his acting style, endorsements, early days (before becoming actor) etc.
 * I find a lot of trivia in the section "Personal life", such as "Kumar slapped a security guard as he pinched his buttocks". I think that saying that he is a "protective father and keeps his children away..." is enough instead of sparing each and every detail. And add more in the section as the section covers the most about his family life.
 * There are some trivia in other sections too. Since this is your first one, I would suggest you to review other GAs, such as Shah Rukh Khan.
 * "Later, Kumar also gained fame his drama, romance and comic roles". Suggest tweaking as this does not look sound to me.
 * "Kumar hit a rough patch since 2009 to 2011" does not sound encyclopedic. Consider tweaking.
 * Instead of "highly successful critically and commercially", you could simply call "highly successful".
 * I find "other names" (in the infobox) trivial. Suggest removing them.
 * The last sentence of the lead: it's "reality", not "realty" as the word "realty" has nothing to do with the sentence. I would use the word "television" instead of "TV".
 * The two last paras of the lead can be merged.
 * In the infobox  =>