Wikipedia:Peer review/Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Wrath of the Darkhul King/archive2

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Wrath of the Darkhul King


. I would like to put this article through the FAC process in the future (although I do not have a set time in mind). I would greatly appreciate any feedback to better improve the article prior to a nomination. I have never worked on a video game article in the FAC space so this is very unfamiliar territory to me. I have looked to recent featured articles on video games as guides for writing this one. Thank you in advance! Aoba47 (talk) 16:55, 18 November 2020 (UTC)
 * It's on my list, really :) Sandy Georgia  (Talk)  16:50, 23 November 2020 (UTC)
 * No worries. Take as much time as you need! I would be grateful for any help you can provide to this, but do not feel rushed. This peer review will likely be open for a while. Aoba47 (talk) 17:07, 23 November 2020 (UTC)

Le Panini
I'll leave some general suggestions. Le Panini Talk 17:35, 24 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * "Critical reception to the game was poor. Reviewers disliked the gameplay..." I'd use a semicolon here.
 * Added. Aoba47 (talk) 19:49, 24 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Overall, I'd summarize the development in 1-2 sentences. The development section is pretty lengthy, and all it says in the lead was "it was created, and it came out."
 * I have added more information. I have only recently expanded the development section after finding the BBC sources earlier this year, and I forgot to expand the lead section accordingly. Thank you for pointing this out. Aoba47 (talk) 19:49, 24 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Gameplay
 * I'd link pendulum
 * Linked. Aoba47 (talk) 19:49, 24 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "...a male and a female vampire, the Gentlemen's minions, and two species of demons, Vampires are primarily killed with stakes, which can be found throughout each level." Are these supposed to be two sentences?
 * Yes. The first one talks about the five enemy types present in the game, while the second talks about how a specific enemy type is normally defeated. Aoba47 (talk) 19:49, 24 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Okay, because there was a comma here rather than a period. Le Panini  Talk 00:41, 25 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Apologies for missing that. Not sure why I kept reading over it lol. Thank you for pointing it out and correcting it. Aoba47 (talk) 01:25, 25 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "The game has cheat codes for invincibility, infinite lives, starting a level with nine objects refilled with each death, and showing enemies' health meters." How are these unlocked/discovered? I'd explain how. For example, I know LEGO video games hide cheat codes in LEGO sets.
 * I have clarified this part. The cheat codes are unlocked via button combinations on the start screen. I wish there was an article or a redirect for button in a video game context to help anyone unfamiliar with this concept. Aoba47 (talk) 19:49, 24 November 2020 (UTC)

Panagiotis Zois
I still can't get over that a licensed GBA game will get a FA. And considering that it's Buffy, that it's this game over the Xbox one or Chaos Bleeds. Any way, I hope my comments are helpful and not too nitpicky. PanagiotisZois (talk) 17:50, 27 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Maybe this article will inspire editors to work on the Xbox one or Chaos Bleeds (if they get to it before I do lol). Aoba47 (talk) 20:55, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Lede
 * "and choose Natsume"; "chose".
 * Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 20:43, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Gameplay
 * "Gameplay is divided into three activities: fighting enemies, solving puzzles by pushing crates and activating numbered switches, and jumping on platforms." OK, I have a few questions. Maybe I'm stupid. Does this imply that certain levels have only one of those activities in them? Also, is pushing crates and activating numbered switches the only puzzles to be found?
 * That is a fair question. The levels mixed up these gameplay elements so I've revised that sentence to hopefully avoid any misinterpretation. The game (at least from my understanding of it from this YouTube longplay) is primarily a beat-em-up/platform game, and the puzzles only involve crates and switches. Aoba47 (talk) 20:43, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "In some areas, the player can rescue people who are all portrayed as men in red shirts." If all of them are men and all wear the same clothes, then the sentence could just be along the lines of "Buffy can rescue men, identified by their red shirts." Or "can rescue people, all men, identified by their red shirts."
 * I think the current wording is preferable. Aoba47 (talk) 20:43, 27 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Yeah, I wasn't so sure about my version either. I guess unless I figure out a better way that can be included, the way it is now is fine. Maybe it is a Star Trek reference. :P PanagiotisZois (talk) 21:16, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * I think common enemy types would better go before bosses.
 * That is a good point. I have revised it. Aoba47 (talk) 20:43, 27 November 2020 (UTC)
 * I have changed this back as one of the common enemies is actually one of the minions of one of the bosses so that boss would need to be introduced first. Aoba47 (talk) 22:16, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Plot
 * Is it specified which museum? Or does the show have just one so fans of the series would know?
 * A museum was shown in some Buffy episodes, but it was never a prominent/featured location (which is such a missed opportunity). I rewatched that level in the longplay, and the characters just refer to it as the museum so I am assuming it is just Sunnydale's local museum. Aoba47 (talk) 20:49, 27 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Hm.. I guess in that case, just say "local / town museum's". PanagiotisZois (talk) 21:07, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Might be unnecessary – especially if the game never brings it up – but considering that Anya is a former vengeance (cough, Justice) demon, maybe it is important to bring up why she has an expertise in demonology.
 * That is a good point as it does provide some background. Aoba47 (talk) 20:49, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "Since she was busy fighting demons, Buffy was too distracted to complete her extra credit assignment." This sentence seems a bit sudden and coming out of nowhere considering how the previous one ends. Maybe have it go down as, "After beating him, Buffy realized that her mission distracted her from completing her extra credit assigment."
 * Thank you for the suggestion as that is much better. Aoba47 (talk) 20:49, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Production
 * "company worked with THQ", rewrite as "company had worked with" or "had been working with"
 * Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 20:55, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "We hope they dream of becoming heroes through our games." Aw, that's sweet. Not sure they achieved it, but sweet.
 * Maybe this game actually do inspire one child out there. I highly doubt that was the case though, but I do appreciate that the developers at least had some good intentions with this game (or were able to put out a good PR quote lol). Aoba47 (talk) 20:55, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * "Natsume defined Wrath of the Darkhul King as an action game, and its developers clarified that puzzles were added to prevent it from becoming "too action-oriented". This compound sentence appears to consist of two that kind of contradict each other. Could begin with a "While Natsume defined [...], its developers [...]".
 * That is better. Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 20:55, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * So, apparently there were only 4 bosses. If Adam is one of them, does that mean the other 3 are the Gentlemen?
 * The Gentlemen are only fought in one boss battle. The other two boss battles are the leader of vampire nest and the Darkhul King himself. Aoba47 (talk) 20:55, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Since "characters" appears to refer to enemies, it would be better to just say that outright.
 * Good point. Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 20:55, 27 November 2020 (UTC)

SandyGeorgia

 * Since ... since
 * Revised to hopefully be better, but please me know if further work is needed. Aoba47 (talk) 22:32, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Lead, undefined acronym, GBA ...
 * Added. Aoba47 (talk) 22:32, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * reception to the game was poor ... of the game ?
 * Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:32, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * had a more mixed response to
 * Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:32, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * It is broken up into ... divided into
 * Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:32, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * character, and other characters ... but other characters
 * Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:32, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * and quickly navigate over unstable platforms ... and navigate swiftly
 * Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:32, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Buffy can use ladders, ropes, and metal bars, and swim to progress through levels. ... this is not parallel ... progress through levels by swimming or by using ladders, ropes, and metal bars.
 * Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:32, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * eliminate them by exposing them to sunlight by destroying rooftops or kicking them off ledges. by ... by ...awkward ... eliminate them by destroying rooftops to expose the vampires to sunlight or by kicking them off ledges.
 * Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:32, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Gentlemen minions are talked about before we are told who this Gentleman is
 * I moved the boss information before this to hopefully clarify this point. Aoba47 (talk) 22:32, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * I don’t know what this is saying ... she can also use the environment to hurt enemies
 * The source only says the following, use environmental objects to beat boss monsters, but unfortunately, does not provide any further detail. I have tried to clarify this point with the information given there. Aoba47 (talk) 22:32, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * and can only be used a limited number of times ... each? combined ?
 * The individual weapons and the combinations each can only be used a limited amount of times. It is a rather silly game mechanic in my opinion as it discourages players from experimenting with the weapons and different combinations, but I am guessing it was done this way to avoid making the combat too easy. Aoba47 (talk) 22:38, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * What are ranged weapons and melee weapons?
 * Added links for both. Aoba47 (talk) 22:38, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * I do not know what this means ... starting a level with nine objects refilled with each death ...
 * I have attempted to clarify this point, but let me know if further work is necessary. Aoba47 (talk) 22:48, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Taking place in the show's fourth season, the game features the Darkhul King – a demonic warlord who ruled the Earth for over 500 years before a witch trapped him in his own dimension – as the main antagonist.
 * Taking place in the show's fourth season, the main antagonist is the Darkhul King – a demonic warlord who ruled the Earth for over 500 years before a witch trapped him in his own dimension.
 * I am uncertain about the suggestion as it does not seem grammatically correct to me. Wouldn't it read that initial, dependent clause "Taking place in the show's fourth season" is referencing the noun of the next phrase "the main antagonist"? Aoba47 (talk) 22:48, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * wikilink talisman
 * Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:48, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * conducts patrols for further information ... improve wording on “for further info” or remove.
 * Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:48, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * change in tense in final sentence of plot section
 * Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:48, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Development section has better wording on working together since 1999
 * Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 22:48, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * was also created for a young audience ... also redundant
 * Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:48, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * change in tense ... Wrath of the Darkhul King was the third of six Buffy the Vampire Slayer video games;[21][22] like other games based on the series, it does not explain the characters' backstories or relationships, instead
 * Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:48, 27 November 2020 (UTC)


 * mystery restrictions, by whom, why, ... Because of restrictions placed on the GBA
 * The source only mentions this in the following sentence: We could only have four bosses because of many rules for developing on the GameBoy Advance. I am not sure if they are referring to restrictions from THQ or the GBA's hardware restrictions. Unfortunately, they do not go into any detail about this point. Aoba47 (talk) 22:48, 27 November 2020 (UTC)

Sorry for brief typing, on ipad all thumbs, not a gamer, hope this helps! Sandy Georgia (Talk)  22:18, 27 November 2020 (UTC)
 * No need to apologize. I am addressing your comments now if that is okay. Apologies in advance if that is causing any edit conflicts. It is important to get a non-expert opinion so I greatly appreciate your help. I am so used to video games that it is difficult for me to look at them from an outsider's perspective s that's why non-subject expert reviewers like you are invaluable. Aoba47 (talk) 22:22, 27 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Thank you again for your help. I believe that I have address all of your comments, and please let me know if any further improvements can be done. I hope you are having a great end to your week! I've been having some computer issues lately so sorry for any weird typos in my responses >< lol. Aoba47 (talk) 23:03, 27 November 2020 (UTC)