Wikipedia:Peer review/Curtis Woodhouse/archive1

Curtis Woodhouse

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for September 2008.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for September 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I think the article can potentially reach GA status.

Cheers, --Jimbo[online] 23:45, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments from
First of all, good work so far, the article looks completely different. Cheers, Mattythewhite (talk) 07:20, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Personal preference, but the date of birth "April 17, 1980" could be displayed in the British format "17 April, 1980".
 * Done - missed that!
 * There is some information in the lead that doesn't appear in the main article, e.g. his playing for England under-21s, being born in Driffield or falling out of love with football. The lead should only be a summary of the main article and so shouldn't contain any new details, per WP:LEAD.
 * Added details to England U21 caps.
 * Added "fallen out of love" with football comment to para about early boxing career.
 * Done
 * "Blades" - jargon.
 * Done - changed to Sheffield United
 * This sentence needs a reference.
 * Done
 * "He made 17 appearances for Birmingham..." - reference needed.
 * Done - soccerbase ref added
 * "students" - could this be expanded? Is it referring to school students, university student etc?
 * Done
 * "...he made 28 appearances in the Championship" - it was the First Division then.
 * Done
 * "...for the fouth consecutive time"... - "time" doesn't really fit in... I'd just say season.
 * Done - typo on fourth fixed as well
 * "...on 14 October 2003,[19] that same day..." - needs rewording.
 * "Division Two" - inconsistent with the earlier "First Division" - should stay the same with how you present the division names.
 * Done - changed to Division Two
 * "In 2003–04, he made 27 appearances in..." - reference needed.
 * Done - sb ref added again
 * "Peterborough finished 18th in the Second Division, two points from relegation. Woodhouse was named as Peterborough's player of the season." - I'd personally try and merge these sentences.
 * Done - "Peterborough finished 18th in the Second Division, two points from relegation, with Woodhouse being named as Peterborough's player of the season."
 * "He made 18 appearances without scoring, in the Championship..." - don't think the comma is needed.
 * Done
 * "Tigers" - jargon.
 * Done - changed to Hull
 * "In the January 2006 transfer window he joined Grimsby Town on a two year deal..." - seems strange to mention the same transfer twice.
 * Done - only mentioned under "Grimsby Town" heading
 * "former club, Peterborough United in..." - should remove the comma.
 * Done
 * "...2006 in the 2–1 home defeat..." - I'd probably put "a 2–1 home defeat".
 * Done - Changed.
 * Question - Does this need to be changed for all occurances of "in the X–Y victory/defeat"
 * Yup, should have said. Mattythewhite (talk) 14:40, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Done
 * "...he planned to quit football..." - is there a better word than "quit"? Just feels a bit out of place.
 * Done - changed to "retire from"
 * "...at the end of the season..." - which season?
 * Done - 2005–06
 * "...in the final by Cheltenham Town, 1–0..." - needs rewording.
 * Done - reworded to "Grimsby were defeated 1–0 in the final by Cheltenham Town."
 * "[41][40]" - References should be ordered numerically.
 * Done
 * References [42] - no publisher details.
 * Done - misspelled publisher in the template
 * It should also be placed at the end of the sentence.
 * Done
 * "[43][37]" - numberical order.
 * Done
 * "BBBofC" doesn't need to be wikilinked.
 * Done
 * "...made 5 appearances..." - 5 should be represented as five, which applies to all numbers under 10.
 * Done
 * Question - Does this also apply for time? For example "...continue after 1 minute and 23 seconds."
 * I'm unsure, try having a look through WP:MOSNUM. I've had a go but haven't had any luck. Mattythewhite (talk) 14:40, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * As discussed here, timing is an exception to the rule, the exceptions are found at WP:MOSNUM. --Jimbo[online] 11:06, 18 September 2008 (UTC)
 * ""Diamonds"" - jargon.
 * Done - Changed to Rushden
 * "...to Rushden & Diamonds on..." - I'd just shorten it down to just "Rushden" after it being used multiple times.
 * Done
 * "...on 23 April 2007," - full stop needed, not comma.
 * Done
 * "...in 29 Conference National matches..." - "Conference National" doesn't need to be wikilinked again.
 * Done
 * "...sixth straight victory maintaining..." - comma needed after "victory".
 * Done
 * "...2008–09..." - doesn't need wikilinking again.
 * Done
 * Are there any personal details that could be added to the article? I think this could be important to it passing a GA nomination.
 * What sort of personal details do you mean? I've had a look at a couple of other GA's (Adam Miller (footballer) and Simon Wormull) and there isn't anything on them.
 * Added in a new "Personal" section at the top. Added details of birth / where he grew up and about supporting Hull City.
 * Added more details about family and childhood.

Comments from
Cheers. --Jameboy (talk) 12:24, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * "career...spanned over nine seasons" - does this mean across/during nine seasons or more than nine seasons?
 * Done - changes to "...spanned across nine seasons..."
 * Last sentence of second paragraph in lead has "before" twice. The phrasing could be improved slightly, maybe by splitting the sentence.
 * Done - split and reworded to "In May 2005, he joined Hull City for £25,000, before joining Grimsby Town just eight months later in January 2006. He retired at the end of the 2006–07 season."
 * wikilink "cup-tied"
 * Done
 * "Birmingham also finished 5th" - should it be "Birmingham finished fifth in the First Divison? You'd then need to unlink "First Division" in the last sentence of the same paragraph.
 * Done
 * You could link "penalty shoot-out"
 * Done
 * "This time, Woodhouse did not play in any of the matches" - maybe "any of the play-off matches" or "any of the three matches" (may just make it a bit clearer)
 * Done
 * "that same day that made his debut against Torquay United" the meaning is obvious but the grammar seems wrong. "the same day that he made his debut..." perhaps?
 * Done
 * I'm 50-50 on the Captain Marvel link. It is useful to see the origin of the phrase, but in this context the comics character isn't all that relevant. What do others think?
 * "he made 27 appearances in Second Division" -> in the Second Division
 * Done
 * "without scoring in the Championship for Hull over five months" - again, I would clarify beyond doubt what the meaning of over is - spanning five months or more than five months.
 * Done - changed to "...for Hull spanning across five months"
 * "without his manager knowledge" -> without his manager's knowledge
 * Done
 * "signing for Rushden & Diamonds who played in the highest-tier of non-league football in the Conference National" -> "signing for Rushden & Diamonds, who were playing in the the Conference National, the highest-tier of non-league football"
 * Done
 * "After five months out" -> "After five months away from boxing" (?)
 * Done - agreed, reads better!

Comments from
Good luck. Daemonic Kangaroo (talk) 15:58, 17 September 2008 (UTC)
 * The section headed "Return to football and ban from boxing" is very confusing to read and switches between the two sports rather rapidly. Can it be re-written to make it easier to read?
 * Done - changed to "Return to football part-time" - that's the best I can come up with so far - anyone have any better ideas?
 * Also the dates in this section are too repetitive. Is every reference to 2007 or 2008 needed in quick succession?
 * Done