Wikipedia:Peer review/David Morrissey/archive1

David Morrissey
This peer review discussion has been closed. David Morrissey is an actor who is better known as "Him From That Thing With John Simm", "Him From Men Behaving Badly" and "The Worst Prime Minister Britain Has Ever Had". He is also the subject of this article that is here at PR.

This article went through GA two years ago (Jesus!) and I've been working on it since then in preparation for an FA nomination. At this point I'd like to get some objective eyes on it for structure and prose quality. Thanks. Bradley0110 (talk) 14:41, 7 June 2011 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: Thanks for your work on this interesting article. This guy played a wonderful Bradley Headstone, but I had no idea he'd done so many other things. Here are a few suggestions, mostly minor.

Infobox
 * "Esther Freud (2006–present)" - Rather than using the ambiguous "present", it might be better to leave the date open-ended, like this: "	Esther Freud (2006– )

Lead
 * "As a director Morrissey has helmed short films... " - "Helmed" may not be a real word. Would it be better just to say, "Morrissey has directed short films... "?

Early life
 * "After seeing a broadcast of Kes (Ken Loach, 1969) on the television... " Delete "the" before "television"?


 * "he made it his ambition to become an actor" - Tighten to "he decided to become an actor"?

Critical success
 * "To look like Brown, Morrissey had his hair dyed and permed." - Link "perm" to Perm (hairstyle)?


 * "put on 2 stone (13 kg) in six weeks" - *Link "stone" to Stone (imperial mass) and express the weight also as 28 lb? It might be useful to express the weight in pounds and kilograms in the image caption as well.

Mainstream films
 * "but instead saw the role as learning curve" - A word is missing here, but more importantly "learning curve" is misused. The phrase refers, I think, to an imaginary line graph charting a change over time. This role would be a point on the line rather than the line itself. Maybe "but instead saw the role as a chance to learn" would be better.


 * "and he flew to Baton Rouge the Monday after Basic Instinct 2 wrapped." - "Wrapped" is slang, I think. Maybe "and he flew to Baton Rouge the Monday after finishing with Basic Instinct 2"?


 * "and a scene where his character is attacked by a plague of locusts... " - "scene in which" rather than "scene where"?


 * "another bomb" - Maybe "failure" would be better since "bomb" is slang that might be misunderstood.

Stage return
 * "He liked the flaws in the character of Jobson, and that the character differs from typical vigilante police officers which are commonly portrayed on television." - Tighten by deleting "which are commonly"?

Personal life
 * "They met when they were set up at a dinner party... " - Would it be possible to add a date? The phrase "long-term partner" in the preceding sentence suggests that the party occurred long before the wedding in 2006.

References
 * Citations 3, 4, 5, and some of the others should include a date of most recent access.


 * Citation 7 and some of the others need page numbers, as noted by the tags.

Other
 * Something, perhaps "actor, director" could be added to the Persondata in the "Short description" line.


 * The link checker tool at the top of this review page finds two dead URLs in the citations.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 18:03, 13 June 2011 (UTC)
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)


 * Thanks for your review, Finetooth. I have made most of the lexical changes that you suggested.


 * "Helm" as a verb is in the dictionary meaning to direct a film, and "wrap" is a non-slang term to refer to the end of filming.
 * I've omitted the wikilinks to "perm" and "stone" as this may be seen as overlinking to common terms.
 * I'm not sure when the dinner party was. The source referring to it doesn't give a year, though others imply the late 80s/early 90s. The best I can manage is an interview from 2004 that stated they'd been together 13 years (though they didn't necessarily begin dated right after the dinner party).
 * Print sources with a convenience link to a website don't require last access dates. Page numbers for the other citations will be in place before I take the article to FAC.
 * One dead link is to the old RTS website; a link to the archived page has been included in the citation. The other dead link is to the old RADA website, which was only being used to support his graduation date (it was working on the retrieval date in 2008).


 * Thanks again very much for your review. Bradley0110 (talk) 20:24, 13 June 2011 (UTC)