Wikipedia:Peer review/Earthquake (Modern Family)/archive1

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Earthquake (Modern Family)[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I hope it become a good article

Thanks, NoD'ohnuts (talk) 14:14, 15 October 2010 (UTC)NoD'ohnuts[reply]

Comments from Jappalang

Lede

  • "The episode also guest starred Nathan Lane as Pepper Saltman, Cameron's ex-boyfriend and Vic Polizos as plumber for the Dunphys."
    There is a missing comma after "ex-boyfriend"; "a plumber" will also more than suffice as a replacement for "plumber for the Dunphys."
  • "In the episode, an earthquake causes Gloria (Sofia Vergara) to think God's telling Jay (Ed O'Neill) to go to church, Claire (Julie Bowen) to get stuck in the bathroom with the plumber, and Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) use it as an excuse to get out of a party."
    "In the episode, an earthquake causes Claire (Julie Bowen) to be stuck in the bathroom with the plumber. Gloria (Sofia Vergara) interpretes the natural disaster as a sign that God wants Jay (Ed O'Neill) to go to church, and Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) use it as an excuse to leave Saltman's party."
  • "... the episode received a 4.6/13 in the 18-49 demographic staying flat with the previous episode and also becoming the highest rated show on Wednesday."
    What does 4.6/13 mean? What is the 18-49 demographic? What is "staying flat with the previous episode"?

Plot

  • While I understand that Plot sections are sourced to the subject. It might help to cite sections to the subject itself with {{cite episode}} and the timings.
  • Numerous language issues such as noun plus -ing construct ("... begins with Haley (Sarah Hyland) and Claire (Julie Bowen) arguing about Haley wanting to go ...", see User:Tony1/Noun plus -ing on why it is an issue and how to improve such constructs), missing hyphens ("... two-hour party ..."), etc.
  • For a reader fresh to the series, the Plot can be confusing. Relationships are not clearly explained, and some plot devices as well ("Phil realizes if he can keep Claire in the bathroom long enough he can get the bookcase strapped to the wall like he told Claire he had already done.": what does this mean?). Some sentences also seem a bit clunky ("Pepper then lets them not come to the next few parties.": why not "Pepper agrees not to invite them to his parties for the time being.")

Production and cultural references

  • Of what relevance or context is "cultural references" to an encylopaedia? Especially when it is simply "While dancing up the stairs Phil says he's like "Shirley Temple and that black guy" referring to Bill Robinson."?
  • "On August 1, 2010 Joyce Eng ..."
    In the US format of dates, the year should be delimited by a comma; i.e. a comma should follow the year.
  • "Levitan stated he was "the perfect fit for the part" of Pepper. Levitan also said they would stop stunt casting actors like Nathan Lane."
    The first sentence does not seem to tie in well with the second... Why did Levitan say it was perfect, then decide to stop doing so (but Lane is still in the show)?
  • "... as last weeks episode, ..."
    Aside from the missing apostrophe, "last week" as in October 13, 2010?
  • "... but went down in viewer ship from a 11.877 million viewers to a 11.36 million viewers."
    "... but the viewership figure decreased from 11.877 million to 11.36 million."
  • Why is Time magazine not in italics? This applies also to its format in References.

"... very funny outing. "."

  • Why the extra space and period?
  • ... in this episode""
    Where is the period?

References

  • Titles are still subject to the Manual of Style; there should be no all-capital-letters titles.
  • ImdB is not a reliable source; it is disputed as one when it comes to credits and cast lists. Please find a better source.

General

  • Why is ampersand ("&") used in the article? This is not compliant with the Manual of Style. Replace all instances with "and".

Generally, language, clarity, and source reliability are the issues here. The contents also might be a tad skimpy in terms of substance (for substance). Jappalang (talk) 09:39, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

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