Wikipedia:Peer review/List of FC Barcelona players/archive1

List of FC Barcelona players
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it's ready to go for FL as soon as the prose is decent.

Thanks, Sandman888 (talk) 15:29, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comment: The tools in the toolbox at the top of this review page find problems with dead citation urls, links that go to disambiguation pages instead of their intended targets, and missing alt text. WP:ALT has details about alt text, meant for readers who can't see the images. The dead urls and dabs will certainly have to be fixed, and it would be good to add the alt text. Finetooth (talk) 02:27, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments:
 * This list was withdrawn from WP:FLC last month, after reviewers had queried the accuracy of some of the information and had raised points about the sourcing. Other issues were also mentioned. In revising the list, have you contacted these editors to enquire whether you have met their concerns?
 * The lead is still problematic. Note:-
 * "...and the most successful club in Spanish football after Real Madrid" - this phrasing occurs in both the second and the third lines.
 * Done
 * Numbers in excess of 10 are normally given numerically, so why nineteen, twenty-five, fourteen?
 * Done
 * "The founder, Joan Gamper, was also one of the first football players the club had," Clumsy, try "The founder, Joan Gamper, was also one of the club's first football players..."
 * thank you
 * Problems also with the remainder of the sentence: "...and still holds the record for most goals in one match, with nine goals scored." You need to define "still" in terms of time ("as of April 2010"), and you can avoid repetition by saying: "...holds the record for most goals scored in one match, with nine."
 * Done
 * You don't need to say both "Thirteen years after the foundation of Barcelona" and "in 1912", since you have just given the foundation year as 1899.
 * Done
 * "one of the player legends in the club..." Who is defining what is a "legend". Has he officially been given this title?
 * "Today he still..." Same point as above re dating.
 * Done
 * "scored at Barcelona" → "scored for Barcelona". Also, lose the comma after "Barcelona".
 * Done
 * I don't want to split hairs, but it's not 100 years since Alcántara joined Barcelona. You could say "In around 100 yeara..." - that will be valid for a few years.
 * Done
 * "Barcelona has had several of the world's greatest players as it has received seven FIFA World Player and Ballon d'Or awards, making it the club with most FIFA World Player of the Year awards." This needs rephrasing. It is the players individually who receive these awards, so "it has received" is wrong. "Barelona has had..." is also clumsy - clubs don't "have" players. What is the difference between "FIFA World Player" and "FIFA World Player of the Year" awards?
 * Re-written.
 * I would rather you spelt out Barcelona's six awards, instead of making me use the "sextuple" link and search for the relevant information there.
 * Done
 * "The list includes notable footballers who have played for Barcelona. Generally, this means all players that have played 100 or more league matches for the club. However, some players who have played fewer matches are also included. This includes those who are recognized as official club legends by FC Barcelona, first captains and players who have set a club playing record, such as goalscoring or transfer fee records." I recommend that this information is given in the first paragraph, since it is this that defines the character of the list.
 * Done
 * List: this is very well-presented, but the zeroes in the first few entries are confusing. I understand from your note that you are not including appearances prior to the formation of La Liga, but it would be better to replace these zeroes with "n/a" (not applicable) or dashes.
 * N/A it is
 * Notes: some of the information provided in these notes requires citation to a source (e.g. Q)
 * Only Q AFAIK.
 * Images
 * File:Gamper mov.jpg: Where did the photographer's name come from, and how do we know he died before 1940? Otherwise, can we establish a first publication date, that would release the image under PD-US?
 * Afraid not, image removed
 * File:Romário.jpg: the link to Agência Brasil is broken
 * File:Carles Puyol Joan Gamper-Tr.jpg: file information should be given more formally, e.g. author's full name rather than "my friend Shay". It would be helpful if the author's permission to use the photograph was given in English rather than Hebrew. Same applies to File:Bojan Krkic Joan Gamper Trophy.jpg
 * Agreed.
 * Information given in the image captions needs to be cited.

I hope these comments are helpful. Please contact my talkpage if you wish to raise anything with me, as at the moment I am unable to watch individual peer reviews. Brianboulton (talk) 18:05, 28 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Comments appreciated. Sandman888 (talk) 18:05, 29 April 2010 (UTC)