Wikipedia:Peer review/Malaysia/archive2

Malaysia
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because when I nominated it for GA earlier it failed, and i'd like to get outside comments on it before submitting it again. I hope eventually to get it to a WP:FAC.
 * Previous peer review

This article has undergone a couple of peer reviews and failed feature article candidates over the years, and I've tried to go through them all and fix the issues. I think the most likely issue would be copyediting, that was a point raised in the recent GA request. Obviously this could always improve, and if an editor sees a specific area they feel could be improved greatly by copyediting pointing that out would be much appreciated. If any editors know much about picture requirements, if they could zip through the pictures and check them out, that would be appreciated to.

Thanks in advance to any responses, Chipmunkdavis (talk) 14:56, 3 November 2010 (UTC)
 * Wooo! I'm in Malaysia right now! I'll take a look at the article soon. 219.95.180.34 ( Night w  ) 11:06, 4 November 2010 (UTC)
 * One nitpicky thing: the redlinks in the references are annoying, and don't do anything. Consider removing them.  Night w   13:32, 6 November 2010 (UTC)
 * Okay, figured out how those work! Replaced a couple with actual bluelinks, got rid of rest. Chipmunkdavis (talk) 15:02, 6 November 2010 (UTC)
 * Do you know the reason for using the ASEAN map instead of the ordinary orthographic projection?  Night w   09:22, 7 November 2010 (UTC)
 * I suppose its a similar reason to EU countries showing themselves in a map of the EU, it's part of a greater body. Admittedly nowhere near as closely related. However, I would oppose using that orthographic projection at any rate. It isn't centred on Malaysia at all. It's the projection map of China which someone has simply recoloured. Chipmunkdavis (talk) 09:37, 7 November 2010 (UTC)

Amakuru's comments
Hi Chipmunk. First of all, congratulations. The article seems well written and engaging and hopefully has an excellent chance of making it to FA. A few comments from my quick reading of the history section: Overall, very good though. I'll try to look at the other sections if I have a chance, but off on holiday tomorrow so may not be back to it for a few weeks. Thanks &mdash; Amakuru (talk) 09:02, 11 November 2010 (UTC)
 * I wonder if this section is slightly under referenced. For example, I can't see a citation for the sentence Between the 7th and the 13th century, much of Peninsular Malaysia was under the Srivijaya empire, which was centered in Palembang on the island of Sumatra. However, the article on the Srivijaya itself has plenty of references so perhaps this isn't an issue (and would in any case make finding a suitable reference for this article not difficult).
 * The first colonial claim occurred in 1511, when Malacca was conquered by Portugal, who established a colony there. - what happened to this colony? How long did it last? It does not seem to be mentioned again in the history.
 * Singapore was occupied slightly after this. - you probably want to tie that into the previous sentence somehow. It looks slightly out of place at the moment, and also uses passive voice which is discouraged.
 * During World War II the Japanese army invaded and subsequently occupied Malaya, Sabah, Sarawak, and Singapore for over 3 years - is there any more to be said about this? What were conditions like in the country during this time?
 * The proposed date for the formation of Malaysia was 31 August 1963, to coincide with the independence day of Malaya and the British giving self-rule to Sarawak and Sabah. However, the date was delayed until 16 September 1963, due to opposition from the Indonesian government led by Sukarno and attempts by the Sarawak United People's Party to delay the formation of Malaysia. - this might be a little bit too much detail; you could just say the country became independent on this date.
 * After the 13 May race riots of 1969, the controversial New Economic Policy—intended to increase proportionally the share of the economic "pie" of the bumiputras ("sons of the earth", which includes the majority Malays, and sometimes, but not always, the indigenous population) as compared to other ethnic groups—was launched by Prime Minister Tun Abdul Razak. - this sentence seems a bit long, and possibly contains too many subsentences.
 * economic growth from the 1980s, a 1985-86 property market depression,[43] and returned to growth through to the mid-1990s - "from the 1980s" suggests that the whole of the 1980s and beyond were growth. However, the 1985-86 property depression seems to contradict that. Perhaps "during the early 1980s"?
 * I suspect that the prose may also need refining and tightening in places, but unfortunately that's not really my area of expertise so I'll let others comment on that.
 * Ta, I've tried to cover everything, so far I've edited for everything except the WWII situation. Trying to think of how to summarize. If you see something that needs citing somewhere, feel free to slap on it! Chipmunkdavis (talk) 09:59, 12 November 2010 (UTC)