Wikipedia:Peer review/Outlaw Star/archive1

Outlaw Star
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed Outlaw Star for peer review after making several improvements the past few months and would like a little bit of extra commentary on how to improve it further. The production section needs expansion, possibly from interviews with the creator(s), notes in the back of each manga volume (only available in Japanese, German, and Italian), or information from the guidebook, none of which I have access to. Any extra help is appreciated.

Thanks, ~ Hibana (talk) 16:13, 16 December 2010 (UTC)


 * The article looks pretty good. I guess the lack of production is the only thing that may bother this article from becoming GA. I'm not familiar with the series, but shouldn't it be pointed its ending? If it's an episodic story, then I guess reviewers would help to reference such fact.Tintor2 (talk) 23:25, 16 December 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This generally looks good. I'm sorry I don't have easy access to the foreign-language sources you seek. Are none of these available through libraries or bookstores? Here are a few suggestions about prose and style.

Anime
 * "Bandai released Outlaw Star on DVD in Japan in two halves with the first 13 episodes released on August 25, 1999, and the remaining 13 episodes released on November 25, 1999." - "With" doesn't make a very good connector in cases like this. Suggestion: "Bandai released the first 13 episodes of Outlaw Star on DVD in Japan on August 25, 1999, and the remaining 13 episodes on November 25, 1999."

CDs
 * "The musical score for the Outlaw Star anime series was composed by Kow Otani." - Flip to active voice; i.e., "Kow Otani composed the musical score for the Outlaw Star anime series"?

Legacy
 * Since the broken English makes Takehiko Itō sound a bit silly (though I don't think that is your intent), I would suggest using a paraphrase in correct English.

References
 * Wikipedia house style in some cases takes precedence over other styles. This is usually the case with ALL CAPS in the citations. Thus in citation 23, for example, instead of "Sehou Bukyo OUTLAW STAR (Futere Hero next generation OUTLAW STAR) DVD Memorial Box Part1", I'd recommend "Sehou Bukyo Outlaw Star (Futere [sic] Hero next generation Outlaw Star) DVD Memorial Box Part1". Ditto for other citations using all-caps in titles.


 * The date formatting in the citations should be consistent. In some cases, you use something like 2008-12-01, but in others you use something like December 1, 2008. Pick one and stick with it throughout the "References" section.

Other
 * The dab tool at the top of this review page finds one dab, "Kadokawa".

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 20:04, 22 December 2010 (UTC)