Wikipedia:Peer review/Patrik Berger/archive1

Patrik Berger
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to make improvements in advance of a GA nomination.

Thanks, C 679 18:29, 20 November 2013 (UTC)

Comments by Lemonade51 – Having a glance at the GA criteria this article isn't far off passing, but I think it could be more broad and comprehensive. It is generally well-written – the Liverpool section summarises Berger's time there OK, but prose and referencing needs work. My issues/suggestions are as followed: That's as far as I went with the review. I do think it can be expanded and it wouldn't hurt to have it copyedited before a GA nom. Feel free to get back to me if you have any queries or once you have done my suggested steps and need someone to have another look. I'll be more than happy to dig around and find sources if requested. Lemonade51 (talk) 14:00, 24 November 2013 (UTC)
 * Have a look at other football articles which are of GA standard. Compare the style and structure, look at its reviewing process and take some ideas on board.
 * The lead needs to be bigger. It should act as summary for the entire article, but in this case it just states Berger's nationality and the leagues he played. Be sure to include his early life, summarise his club career and in a separate paragraph his time with the Czech Republic national team.
 * "The success of the Czech Republic's national team in the Euro 1996 raised the profile of many players – including that of Berger, Pavel Nedvěd, and Karel Poborský — and convinced some of Europe's most prestigious clubs to purchase them. " Focus on Berger solely here. Then go on to discuss his move to Liverpool.
 * Under 'Club career', why is Berger's birth place included? Consider creating an 'Early life and career' section, which includes that bit of info.
 * "His uncle is the Czech footballer Jan Berger — He began his career as a youth player at Sparta Prague in 1989", dash can lead to confusion. Readers may think the BIB (bit in bold) refers to Jan instead of Patrik.
 * Do you have any information about his parents?
 * "Unable to reproduce earlier performances, Berger was often confined to the bench in a season punctuated by a hat-trick against Chelsea", maybe rephrase to "Although he scored a hat-trick against Chelsea in October 1997, Berger often found himself named as a substitute."
 * "Berger's dissatisfaction and discord between the midfielder and manager Roy Evans placed his Liverpool career in jeopardy" → "His dissatisfaction at manager Roy Evans placed his Liverpool career in jeopardy"
 * "His agent reported to the media that Benfica, Roma and unidentified Spanish clubs were interested in arranging a transfer from Liverpool.", where's the reference for this?
 * "The appointment of Gérard Houllier as co-manager before the 1998–99 season and subsequent departure of Roy Evans proved" Roy Evans has been introduced earlier, so it's fine to use his surname thereafter.
 * "Newly promoted to the Premier League, Berger was signed on a free-transfer by Harry Redknapp as the south coast side prepared for the campaign by seeking experienced players." this sentence is not cited. Unhyphenate 'free transfer' and possibly link it.
 * Avoid clichés, sports journalse terms like "a return to his best form might be on the cards", "show flashes of what he was capable of"
 * "Berger scored again on 5 May in the penultimate", given you have included the year in the previous sentence, you may as well include it here.
 * "he was told he had played his last game for Aston Villa after urging Villa captain Gareth Barry to move to Liverpool", avoid repetition.
 * Ref 6 and 13 redirects to a search engine.
 * Thanks for the detailed feedback Lemonade51, I cannot find any WP:RS on his parents, but everything else has been addressed. Please take another read through when you have time and raise any outstanding issues here. Thanks, C 679 03:11, 25 November 2013 (UTC)