Wikipedia:Peer review/Peter Dinklage/archive1

Peter Dinklage
I've listed this article for peer review because i'm trying to get this to FA. Also Peter Dinklage is awesome.

Thanks, AffeL (talk) 12:38, 4 April 2017 (UTC)

Comments from KJP1 (talk) 15:15, 16 April 2017 (UTC)
TV actors aren't normally my thing, nor are they my area of expertise, but, since you ask, some comments below.

Lead


 * I favour not having cites in the lead - as material will recur in the article and can be cited there. As an example, Leonardo DiCaprio doesn't, either for pronunciation, or for the date of birth. I'd also restate the date of birth in the first line of Early Life, for that reason.
 * Done. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "He has received such accolades as..." - A bit wordy. Perhaps, "His awards include..."
 * I got this "idea" from the Emma Stone article. I believe I should wait and see what they say at FAC. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "the high fantasy The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian..." - Is "high fantasy" a recognised term? I didn't recognise it but, on checking, I see it is, High fantasy. Link?
 * Now linked. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "Dinklage became one of the highest paid actors on television and earned US$1.1 million.." - Assuming the $1.1M helped, perhaps, "Dinklage became one of the highest paid actors on television, earning US$1.1 million..."
 * Done. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)

Early life


 * Suggest repeating date of birth - see above.
 * Done. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "Dinklage got his first taste of theatrical success..." - A bit clichéd? Perhaps, "Dinklage had his first theatrical success..."
 * Done. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "In 1987 Dinklage graduated from Delbarton School, a Catholic prep school for boys, where he continued to develop his acting..." - He's left the college at the beginning of the sentence, but is developing his skills at the end. Perhaps, "In 1987 Dinklage graduated from Delbarton School, a Catholic prep school for boys, where he had developed his acting..."
 * Done. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "Failing to pay the rent, they both moved out." - Of what? New York? Their apartment?
 * Done, added "New York". - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "The play True West, written by American playwright Sam Shepard, inspired Dinklage to pursue a career in acting." - I find this a slightly odd ending to the Early life section. Dinklage had clearly developed his love of acting in his schooldays and this play premiered in 1984. But its mention comes post-1991. Perhaps it could be placed earlier?
 * Moved up. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)

Early career


 * "a hopeful independent director, crew and cast shooting a low-budget independent film" - Two "independent"s in 12 words. One or other is probably redundant.
 * Removed the first "independent" mentioned. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "on the crime drama Bullet..." - Is it a series, or "in the crime drama..."?
 * Done. It's a movie. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)

Breakthrough


 * "though it did not fair well in the box office." - Unless it's US usage, "it did not fare well.."
 * Done. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "The films tells the story of a family that are trying to resolve a variety of problems while attending the funeral of the patriarch." - Film is singular here. Also the sentence reads a little oddly to me, and the link to patriarchy doesn't help. Almost like they're at the funeral of an Eastern Orthodox bishop. I see it comes from the article on the film. Perhaps, "The film tells the story of a family trying to deal with a variety of issues on the death of their father." Not ideal, but better??
 * Done. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "The film was poorly recived.." - sp. "received".
 * Done. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "The movie was a commercial success with a global revenues of $419.7" - no need for "a".
 * Done. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "Although film critic Bill Gibron described his role as a "cutesy stereotype he has tried to avoid". - This isn't a standalone sentence. Should it be a clause to the previous sentence? And small nit-pick - sometimes you put your full stops, etc. within the quote marks, and sometimes without. I prefer the former.
 * Done, the first one. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)

Mainstream


 * "he had once tried to read the books the show is based upon, but got confused." - A little colloquial? Perhaps "he had once tried to read the books the show is based upon, but had found them confusing."
 * Done. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * " became one of the highest paid actors on television and earned US$1.1 million per episode of Game of Thrones." - As above, perhaps, "..on television, earning US$1.1...."
 * Done. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "singing a brand new original song called "Space Pants". - "original" to what? Or doesn't it mean the same as "brand new" in which case it can probably go?
 * Removed "original". - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "The story is about three best friends that goes to the woods and reenact a dungeons and dragons-like LARP,.." "three best friends that go to the woods.." Also, should reenact have a hyphen, re-enact? And what on earth is a LARP? I know you link it, but it should be explained.
 * Changed it. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)

Upcoming projects


 * "The same year, Dinklage was cast in the 2018 Marvel Studios film Avengers: Infinity War, a role he will later reprise in Untitled Avengers film (2019)." - I got a little confused here. The same year as what? It must be this year, 2017? Also "Untitled Avengers film (2019)" in italics threw me. But I appreciate it's the article name.  But can you reprise a role you've previously played, when neither of the two films has yet been released? Perhaps, "In early 2017, Dinklage was cast in the 2018 Marvel Studios film Avengers: Infinity War, a role he will repeat in the, as yet untitled, 2019 movie Untitled Avengers film.
 * P.S. As an aside, neither of the Wikipedia articles mention that he's to be in these films, although your sources do. I haven't a clue how these things work, but it might be worth keeping an eye on it.
 * Done. It should be officially confirmed by Marvel soon. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)

Personal life


 * "the girl's name was "Zelig". - "the girl's name is "Zelig."?
 * Fixed. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * There's a citation tag re. where he lives.
 * I know. I will remove it, if I don't find any reliable source. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "While Dinklage has come to accept his condition, he found it challenging sometimes while growing up." - Perhaps, "he sometimes found it challenging when growing up."
 * Done. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "has suggested in 2008 that doubt is more needed than belief." - Did he suggest this in 2008, or is he saying that, in 2008, i.e. at that time, doubt was needed more than belief?
 * Done. He suggested this in 2008. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * General - stylistically, I would probably make the final paragraph the second paragraph, and end with his quote, "The idea is to get to that level where you don't have to preach about it anymore."
 * Done. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)

Works and accolades


 * This section seems a little under-cooked, and not the best finale to a good article. Two of the sentences repeat information given earlier. I'd probably go for a Laurence Olivier/Leonardo DiCaprio approach of just having the list titles in full.


 * P.S. Looking at the GAR, I see the reviewer took a different view. I've no idea whether there's a "right" view. Philip Seymour Hoffman does have a paragraph, but Jake Gyllenhaal and Laurence Olivier don't. All three are FAs. I'd suggest going with whichever you feel is best and seeing what comments come up at FA.


 * I have been looking at the Emma Stone article, which is a Feature article. But I believe I should still expand it. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)

General comments


 * The Personal life section is very focussed on Dinklage's dwarfism. This subject takes up the two, large, central paragraphs, with a number of longish quotes. I recognise the issue's importance - to Dinklage and more generally. But I wonder if the weight given serves to over-emphasise this aspect of his life? Others may have different views, but I would probably trim it a little. Do we know nothing more of his interests, his friends, his political views beyond PETA etc....?
 * I see what I can do and try to add more about other things in his personal life. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)


 * In my personal opinion, there are occasionally a few too many references to the critical receptions to, and the box office receipts for, his movies, and not enough about Dinklage's performances and his roles. An example: "The same year, he played the villain Bolivar Trask in the superhero film X-Men: Days of Future Past. The movie was a commercial success and was the sixth highest-grossing film of 2014 with global revenues of $747.9 million." This tells me quite a lot about the movie; "commercial success", "sixth-highest grossing", "global revenues"; but next to nothing about Dinklage's performance and what critics/audiences thought of it. If I look at, for example, Philip Seymour Hoffman, or Jake Gyllenhaal, both FAs, there's a whole section on Hoffman's acting style and reception to it, and for Gyllenhaal's movies we get something more on his performances, e.g. Brokeback Mountain. Admittedly quick scans show one reference to box-office receipts in Hoffman and none in Gyllenhaal. For me, how much it made is one of the least interesting things about a movie, and I'd suggest less of that and more on Dinklage's performances.
 * I agree, I will add more about his performances. - AffeL (talk) 18:50, 16 April 2017 (UTC)

Apologies. Overall, this turned into a proof-reading, rather than a peer-review. But I hope the comments are helpful. It's a good, well-sourced article. I'd just have more on Dinklage's craft as an actor and less on the general reception to his movies and how much they made at the box office. Good luck with the FA. KJP1 (talk) 15:15, 16 April 2017 (UTC)
 * Thank you so much for the review. - AffeL (talk) 16:18, 16 April 2017 (UTC)

Comments
Perhaps it would be worth mentioning his condition in the lede. I agree that the last two paragraphs of personal life could use some trim, especially the number of large quotes. Some might have a degrading effect on quality rather than an improvement. Try to remove some of them, particularly the more sugary ones which aren't that informative, and paraphrase or remove a few to improve flow. – FrB.TG (talk) 10:16, 17 April 2017 (UTC)
 * Thanks. I will try to improve the flow. - AffeL (talk) 19:33, 17 April 2017 (UTC)
 * The above's spot on, and I should have noticed it myself. It absolutely should be mentioned in the lead. Then you can have some, but a bit less, in the Personal life section. KJP1 (talk) 19:50, 17 April 2017 (UTC)
 * I like all the improvments you made, but I'm not sure about the line: "Dinklage has portrayed the dwarf Tyrion Lannister in the HBO series Game of Thrones". Why should it say that a short person is playing a short person? - AffeL (talk) 11:59, 18 April 2017 (UTC)
 * On second thoughts, I also find it redundant. Thanks for removing it and do inform me of my other errors in the future. – FrB.TG (talk) 20:06, 18 April 2017 (UTC)


 * Is Oldman's portrayal of a dwarf in Tiptoes really necessary in the article? And why is Dinklage's opinion of that important here that too in a big quotation?
 * I guess it's one of the reasons the movie was negatively received. I can rephrase Dinklage's sentance, or remove it. - AffeL (talk) 15:59, 19 April 2017 (UTC)


 * The sentence before it does it all. These two sentences are better off at the film's article.
 * Now removed. - AffeL (talk) 15:59, 19 April 2017 (UTC)


 * There should probably be more on his role in Game of Thrones. You state that his performance received praise from critics but never mention a critic's thoughts. I am pretty sure he must have done something to prepare for his role or he must have shared his thoughts about the role. Or how he was cast and stuff. Also, try to find reviews of his performances for the films wherever possible and necessary. – FrB.TG (talk) 20:59, 18 April 2017 (UTC)
 * Will find something to add. - AffeL (talk) 15:59, 19 April 2017 (UTC)


 * You should cite the independent sources for the reviews of his performance in Rememory.
 * Done. - AffeL (talk) 15:59, 19 April 2017 (UTC)


 * "Film critic Yasmin Kleinbart" - freelance or newspaper? – FrB.TG (talk) 21:11, 18 April 2017 (UTC)
 * I believe it's freelance, since it's not from a newspaper. - AffeL (talk) 15:59, 19 April 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Vedant
I'll go through it tonight. Numerounovedant  Talk  15:21, 27 April 2017 (UTC)

I am sorry, I've been caught up in RL. I've been through the article, and it seems fairly well written. However, I feel that certain parts may have too many direct quotes, which is rather undesirable. You might want to trim the direct quotes or paraphrase them to avoid WP: QUOTEFARM. Also, as FrB.TG already pointed out that some roles can use some expansion, I'm terms of reviews and his preparations for the roles (not just GoT). I'll look into it again, and see if I come up with more observations. Good luck. Numerounovedant  Talk  16:51, 30 April 2017 (UTC)