Wikipedia:Peer review/Raya and the Last Dragon/archive1

Raya and the Last Dragon


I've listed this article for peer review as a preparation for its upcoming FAC.

Thanks, Wingwatchers (talk) 00:20, 30 June 2021 (UTC)

Comments from Pamzeis
I've never done a full-length for anything so this is a first for me. Please feel free to hit me with the trout at anytime.

Infobox and lead
 * For the references for the film release dates in the Infobox, use the parameters |ref1 or |ref2 in the template film date
 * "American computer-animated fantasy action-adventure film" this is WP:SEAOFBLUE
 * "Taking place in the fictional land of Kumandra, which consists of five separate tribes, the film follows a young warrior princess who sets out to find a missing dragon and gain her help in seeking parts of a gem that would banish the evil Druun from the land and reunite the tribes." this sentence seems a bit long. Try splitting it up.

Plot
 * "and dragons. Sisu, the last dragon" repetition of "dragon(s)"
 * "Namaari the location of the gem, but Namaari" repetition of "Namaari"
 * "For the next six years, Raya treks across Kumandra to find Sisu to help her recover the four missing pieces" from what I've seen of the film, I was under the impression that Raya is trying to get Sisu to create a new gem completely. Is this correct?
 * "Raya finally manages to summon" "finally" is unnecessary here. Consider omitting it.
 * "After reaching a shipwreck in Tail, Raya finally manages to summon Sisu, who admits that she did not create the gem, but used it on behalf of her four siblings, with each piece containing each enchanter's power." This sentence is a bit long. Consider splitting it up.
 * "Throughout the journey, as Raya and Sisu venture across the land reclaiming the dragon gem's pieces and meeting new friends along the way, Sisu is disguised as an ordinary human on Raya's insistence until she revealed herself to save Raya from Namaari at Spine, where the group recovered their final dragon gem piece excluding Fang." This sentence is also quite long. Again, try to split it up.
 * "the dragon pendant she gave to" who is she?
 * "death causes all the water" "all" is unnecessary here. Consider omitting it.
 * "follows Raya with Fang’s piece and saves Raya’s" the apostrophe after "Fang" and "Raya" (second instance) should be straight (i.e. ') and not curly.
 * "follows Raya with Fang’s piece and saves Raya’s pet Tuk Tuk from being petrified, earning Raya's" repetition of "Raya"
 * "Raya's group, Raya remembers" repetition of "Raya"
 * "with Namaari assembling" I think I remember somewhere that "with" and verb-ing is discouraged. Consider rewording.
 * "their victims revived, including the dragons" Sisu wasn't a victim of the Druun. You should probably mention she came back as well.
 * "their lost loved ones as all reunite" → "their lost loved ones as they all reunite"
 * I feel like the plot summary puts WP:UNDUE weight on the film's ending. For example, nothing about their "new friends" is really mentioned at all but the last three paragraphs all are about the film's ending.

Cast
 * "Jona Xiao voices young Namaari" → "Jona Xiao as young Namaari"
 * "Chief Benja, the chief of" repetition of "chief"
 * Per MOS:CAPFRAG, every member of the cast except K. Tran and Awkwafina should not have a full stop at the end.
 * Is Gunadi's unspecified role really worth noting?

Development
 * Move the image to below the header
 * "In October 2018, Deadline Hollywood reported that Adele Lim was hired to retouch the script, and that Osnat Shurer had been hired to produce the movie." this sentence sounds like we should already know the film was greenlit but there's nothing before that sentence.
 * "and Carlos López Estrada, the latter who had joined Disney Animation in 2019" → "and Carlos López Estrada, who had joined Disney Animation in 2019"
 * Reword "with Briggs remaining as co-director and John Ripa joining him" to avoid the "with verb-ing" structure
 * "experts from the film's Southeast Asia Story Trust" this acts as though we should already know what the Southeast Asia Story Trust is but it's never explained beforehand
 * "Raya's unique characteristics and enthusiasm have also separated the film from traditional Southeast Asian films in terms of her funniness, quippiness, and cleverness from stoicism and seriousness." this is referring to the character but it seems like it is referring to the film. Which one are you referring to?
 * "The production of the film was supervised by executive producer Jennifer Lee, chief creative officer of Disney Animation." Anything else that can be said here?
 * "technical leadership team with the help of associate technical supervisors" repetition of "technical"
 * Anything else that can be said about the that can be said about the technical stuff? Also, I feel the technical stuff should be in the "Animation" section but I'm not sure.

Casting
 * "with Kelly Marie Tran replacing Steele" reword to avoid the "with verb-ing" structure
 * "The recasting was due to large-scale shifts in the character and story, filmmaker Shurer pointed the casting must embody the same characteristics as the character spiritually, and that Kelly was more suited for this role." This sounds awkward. Reword? Also "Kelly" should be Tran.
 * "On the eve of the film's release in March 2021, Hall finally revealed the exact reason for why the production team had decided to recast the lead role:" Is this really necessary?
 * Italicise "The Hollywood Reporter"
 * "reports" → "reported"
 * Merge the second paragraph with the first
 * "however, the cast members were able to accidentally discover" → "however, they accidentally discovered"
 * "Tran shares strong connections with her character, Raya; both possess traits like fearlessness, leadership, love, and responsibility, similar to Aladdin" does not seem to be supported by the source. Also, this should not be said in Wikipedia's voice.
 * Anything else that can be said about the casting (e.g. the other actors' auditions)?

Animation
 * Where is the proof File:Raya and the Last Dragon Behind the Scenes.webm actually belongs to Disney Dave?
 * "all these countries except" → "all of the countries except for"
 * "To do background research, the filmmakers and production team traveled to all these countries except Myanmar, Malaysia, Singapore and Brunei.[40] Thai artist Fawn Veerasunthorn served as the head of story for the film.[41] The filmmakers formed the Southeast Asia Story Trust, a collective of cultural consultants for the film which included Dr. Steve Arounsack, an associate professor of Lao Anthropology at California State University, Stanislaus." seems like it would fit better in the development section.
 * "central elements animated by the studios as it is used" → "central elements as it is used"
 * "broader color" → "broader colored"
 * "represents" → "represent"
 * "while distrust color bodies water shot with higher contrast that dramatizes shadows and silhouettes indicates unpleasant moods such as distress" → "while unpleasant moods such as distress and distrust are represented when bodies of water are shot with higher contrast that dramatizes shadows and silhouettes"
 * "Raya's costume design and hair style are also based on her fighting skill with traditional Southeast Asian garments" this doesn't sound right, are you sure this is what you mean?
 * There seems to be WP:UNDUE weight on Dragon Blade. Perhaps only mention details relevant to the animation.
 * Overall, I feel this section is quite short. Things that could be added include animation softwares developed for this film as well as how the animators animated at home.

Music
 * "She felt connected to Raya through the inspiration from Southeast Asia." this is not relevant to the music at all.

Theatrical release and streaming
 * "with the film being simultaneously" reword to avoid "with verb-ing" structure
 * "with Premier Access the same day" missing word there
 * "Raya and the Last Dragon was available for purchase through Premier Access until May 4, 2021" the source is from before May 4. We need a source from after May 4 to verify this.
 * "March 19 in Latin America" same as above
 * "new short film" per MOS:RELTIME, this will become (or already is) inaccurate

Home media
 * This needs a source after April 2 and May 18 to verify they were actually released

Box office
 * Are the statistics relevant to anything?

Critical reception
 * "Raya and the Last Dragon opened to" italicise "Raya and the Last Dragon"
 * "opened to positive reviews from critics" what about the later reviews? This wording suggests the later reviews' positivity declined. This statement also needs a source.
 * Wikilink "weighted average"
 * The reception section should be grouped by what they praise/criticise. For example, critics who praised the animation should be grouped together.
 * Try to reduce the quotes as too many could be interpreted as a WP:COPYVIO
 * I'd recommend reading WP:RECEPTION and MOS:FILM to improve the reception section
 * There are 275 critics listed on Rotten Tomatoes and 46 on Metacritic; this section could use expansion

Future
 * "Kelly Marie Tran" → "Tran" or "K. Tran"

References
 * Avoid writing titles in ALLCAPS as this is called WP:SHOUTING
 * Mark references from Los Angeles Times as |url-access=limited
 * Mark references from The New York Times as |url-access=limited
 * Mark references from Washington Post as |url-access=limited
 * Mark references from Vanity Fair as |url-access=limited
 * fn 26: none of the other Deadline Hollywood/The Hollywood Reporter/Variety refs have Penske Media Corporation as the publisher. Why is this one singled out?

That's what I got pass. I'd also like to note that the subtopic for this peer review should likely be "Arts" and not "Engineering and technology". Pamzeis (talk) 07:44, 30 June 2021 (UTC)


 * Thank you for the resources. Wingwatchers (talk) 17:32, 30 June 2021 (UTC)


 * I've also added this to the Template:FAC peer review sidebar. Pamzeis (talk) 01:41, 1 July 2021 (UTC)