Wikipedia:Peer review/Steve Jobs/archive1

Steve Jobs
A very well known man, the co-founder of Apple Computer. I'd like to see this article featured some time soon, the article is very close - Has anyone got any suggestions? Thanks! — Wackymacs 02:18, 27 December 2005 (UTC)


 * See alsos at the end of sections seem redundant with the section contents. There is no clear identification of reference materials.--nixie 10:14, 27 December 2005 (UTC)

Review of Steve Jobs by User:Fermion

Opening paragraph
 * rework sentence to take Steve Wozniak out of brackets e.g. Jobs cofound Apple with Steve Wozniak in ....
 * I think that the revival of apple started before the iPod, back with the iMac

The copyright status of the first image (Steve_Jobs2.png) needs to be resolved

Early years, opening sentence, change to Steve Jobs. This paragraph is a little awkward, but I can't pin point it.

''Jobs said he remained at Reed attending classes, including one in calligraphy. "If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts," he said. '' The two sentences could be combined into one, and a reference needs to be given. Certainly don't have he said at the end of the quote, break the quote and put it in the middle.

Change IPO to initial public offering.

First paragraph under departure from Apple, final sentence needs to be linked and explained more fully.

While Jobs' stint at NeXT is often glossed over in history books, the contributions of NeXT's engineers incidentally led to two unrelated events: "incidentally", in my view, is not formal enough for an article

Under return to apple it may be interesting and useful to mention the relationship of OS X to Linux and that Linus Torvalds was approached to be involved (reference: Just for fun, Torvalds autobiography)

The first three paragraphs under personal life can be combined and made a lot clearer. The entire personal life section can be improved. I fear that it reads too much like a dirt file on Steve Jobs, however, I would hate to see this information being lost to the public.

The controversey section is merely a collection of quotes and needs some editorial work if it is to be included.

In general, this is a good article. Referencing is weak and needs to be improved. I enjoyed reading this article, thank you. -Fermion 06:39, 29 December 2005 (UTC)