Wikipedia:Peer review/Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show controversy/archive1

Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show controversy
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because…I have frequently contributed to this article by adding updates and sources and would like to nominate this for a Good or Featured article status. However, I'd like a peer review with fact- and grammar-checking before I go up to a GA/FA nomination in order to give a better impression.

Thanks, Andrewlp1991 (talk) 03:38, 20 April 2008 (UTC)


 * Also, before I came in, the article was poorly sourced and had lots of inaccuracies; that was right before summer 2007 I guess. (Here's an example) And compare that with the state of the article more recently. --Andrewlp1991 (talk) 03:40, 20 April 2008 (UTC)

SGGH

I suggest:


 * in he leand, the [1] after broadcasting needs to be after the comma
 * try not to let one line paragraphs stand alone
 * "other countries" only contains canada, so either expand it or rename to "canada" (ideally the former)
 * "Jackson's career began to decline after the incident. Her first album released since the Super Bowl, Damita Jo, was released in March 2004 to poor critical reception yet high worldwide sales and three Grammy nominations in 2005. However, her following album, 20 Y.O., did not sell as well despite better critical reception overall" is there any evidence that this event is the cause or a cause?
 * the see also section is a but empty and of questionable usefulness
 * References could be named "notes"
 * the further reading needs bullet pointed

All in all, well referenced and written, hope it helps. SGGH speak! 13:01, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I fixed the ref/note issue, and I think that the Jackson sales decline issue has been discussed in the media, take this Brent Bozell column for instance. I also read an Ebony magazine article regarding the Super Bowl and Jackson's sales. I think it would be good to attribute the cotnroversy/their sales. Thanks for your Feedback! --Andrewlp1991 (talk) 05:45, 25 April 2008 (UTC)