Wikipedia:Peer review/Vladimir Lenin/archive2

Vladimir Lenin
I've listed this article for peer review because it has recently been awarded its GA status and I'd like to take it to FAC in the near future. This is a pretty important article for Wikipedia so it would be great if anyone with an interest could help out on this one.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:04, 15 April 2016 (UTC)

Comments by Dudley
 * "Lenin played a leading role in the October Revolution of 1917, overthrowing the Provisional Government and establishing a one-party state under the new Communist Party." This is unclear. Presumably it was the revolution that defeated the Provisional Government rather than Lenin personally, and what is meant by "new Communist Party"? Was a new party formed in 1917?
 * The Bolsheviks renamed themselves as the "Communist Party" after seizing power, hence my decision to use the term "new" here. Otherwise I've edited the prose to say "Lenin played a leading role in the October Revolution of 1917 which overthrew the Provisional Government and established a one-party state under the new Communist Party". Midnightblueowl (talk) 11:34, 7 May 2016 (UTC)
 * I think you need to spell this out as it is unclear - "established a one-party state under the Bolsheviks, who renamed themselves as the Communist Party after seizing power" Dudley Miles (talk) 18:13, 9 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "withdrew from the First World War by signing a punitive treaty" You do not make clear that the treaty was punitive to Russian.
 * In that case I think it best to remove the word "punitive" from the lede. I really don't want the lede to get any larger than it already is, and so don't want to start adding extra wording to explain the nature of the treaty. Midnightblueowl (talk) 11:31, 7 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "orchestrated by the Cheka". A few words explaining "Cheka" would be helpful.
 * Again, I didn't want to spend a lot of time in the lede explaining things, so I've replaced the word "Cheka" with "state security services", which should be clearer. Midnightblueowl (talk) 11:31, 7 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "Lenin's father, Ilya Nikolayevich Ulyanov, was the grandson – and possibly also the son – of a serf". This could be clearer. I thought at first it meant that his father was the result of an incestuous relationship.
 * I've changed this so that it now only states that Lenin's father was from a family of serfs. Midnightblueowl (talk) 11:38, 7 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "an apostate Russian Jewish physician" "apostate" is POV - maybe "secular".
 * I appreciate that there are potentially loaded connotations to "apostate" but using that term allows us to link to Apostasy in Judaism. I don't think that "secular" is the right term because the individual in question had converted from Judaism to Christianity. Midnightblueowl (talk) 11:25, 7 May 2016 (UTC)
 * I think it would be better to spell it out - "a Jewish physician who had converted to Christianity"
 * I've changed this to your suggested alternative. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:36, 11 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "Two latter siblings died in infancy" later siblings?
 * Good point. Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 11:25, 7 May 2016 (UTC)


 * More to follow. Dudley Miles (talk) 21:50, 5 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "both a zemlyachestvo, or a group of men from Samara-Simbirsk" I would leave out the word "or"
 * Removing the "or" makes it look like the zemlyachestvo and the group of men are two separate entities. What I've done it to remove the "or" but put the latter part in brackets. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:16, 11 May 2016 (UTC)


 * I do not think you need to define Marxism.
 * Personally, I think that it is pretty useful to have a brief description of Marxism here, given the many references to Marxist ideas which appear throughout the rest of the article. I'd have thought that many readers, particularly those researching Lenin for a school project, would not be at all familiar with Marxism. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:30, 11 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "Publicly championing Marxism among the socialist movement" I would say "within" rather than "among".
 * Good idea, changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:16, 11 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "able to correspond with other subversives" Subversives is a bit loaded - revolutionaries?
 * Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:16, 11 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "the couple translated English socialist literature into Russian" No change needed but what literature and was it published?
 * Sidney and Beatrice Webb's The History of Trade Unionism (1894) is one of the works cited in the sources. This is mentioned at Revolutionary activity of Vladimir Lenin although I felt that it was perhaps too trivial for inclusion here in the main article. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:32, 11 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "condemned Lenin for supporting bank robberies" This needs clarification. I see that below you repeat the statement with details, but you need to explain it here.
 * Sorted. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:30, 11 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "state expropriation of land, all with for establishing proletariat government and pushing toward a socialist society" The grammar has gone wrong here.
 * Corrected. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:25, 11 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "Russian Communist Party, to as Lenin wanted to distance his group from the German Social Democratic Party" I would leave out the word "to".
 * Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:22, 11 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "This coalition only lasted four months, until March, when the Left Socialist Revolutionaries pulled out of the government over a disagreement about the Bolsheviks' approach to ending the First World War." This sounds strange - so they pulled out in March 1919 over a war which had ended in December 1918?
 * Ah - well spotted! There has been an error with "1918" rather than "1917" appearing earlier in the sentence. Corrected. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:16, 11 May 2016 (UTC)


 * More to follow. Dudley Miles (talk) 18:13, 9 May 2016 (UTC)


 * " by giving them economic autonomy of husbands" This does not sound right. "from their husbands"?
 * Yes, I'll change that. My original wording was closer to "from their husbands", but it seems to have been changed by another editor. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:23, 13 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "in June 1918, he expressed the need for centralised economic control of industry," Maybe "in June 1918, he argued that centralised economic control of industry was needed,"
 * Agreed and changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:23, 13 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "Lenin proposed a three-month armistice in his boDecree on Peace" When?
 * November 1917, I've added that into the sentence. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:41, 13 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "Requisitioning disincentived peasants from producing more grain than they could personally consume" I had to read this two or three times, but I am not sure how best to revise it.


 * "Although regularly doing so in his coded telegrams and confidential notes" Presumably "doing so" si supporting violence, but this sould be clarified.


 * " but Japan remained because saw this as an opportunity for territorial expansion" Grammar.
 * I've rewritten this section. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:31, 13 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "For Lenin, however, the killing was axiomatic;" I am not clear what you are saying. Axiomatic means self evidently true.
 * I've gone with "necessary" here. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:41, 13 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "and privately said he "in love" with Marx and Engel" Grammar again.
 * Corrected. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:31, 13 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "principle actors" - principal actors. Dudley Miles (talk) 17:08, 11 May 2016 (UTC)
 * Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:31, 13 May 2016 (UTC)

Note: My comments are mainly from the perspective of a layperson, they might seem too obvious at times. Ugog Nizdast (talk) 15:20, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
 * Comments by UN
 * "Among his siblings, Lenin was closest to his sister Olga, whom he bossed around, having an extremely competitive nature; he could be destructive, but usually admitted his misbehavior" confusing, reword. Who has the competitive nature?
 * I've gone with "Among his siblings, Lenin was closest to his sister Olga, whom he often bossed around; he had an extremely competitive nature and could be destructive, but usually admitted his misbehaviour". Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:46, 13 May 2016 (UTC)


 * The main sections Early life and Revolutionary activity have dated subsections headers but Lenin's government doesn't have any. Ugog Nizdast (talk) 13:48, 11 May 2016 (UTC)
 * Ill add dates to the "Lenin's government" section. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:46, 13 May 2016 (UTC)


 * Somewhere in sections "Early activism and imprisonment: 1893–1900" or" University and political radicalisation: 1887–93", an explanation or background as to the political situation in Russia? Whom was he campaigning against and how did they react to his actions? For instance, it's suddenly mentioned that police spies were after him. Prior to his first arrest and his brother's campaign to assassinate the Tsar, I think some more details need to be added. Or maybe a further link.
 * It's interesting that you say that, for in their comments Dudley suggested that I actually cut down on the explanation of Marxism in the belief that such background information isn't necessary. Obviously it is important that we have some background context in the article but at the same time this is a biography of Lenin and thus needn't concern itself unduly with wider aspects of Marxist theory or Russian history. Accordingly, we do mention the rule of the reactionary Tsar Alexander III Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:03, 16 May 2016 (UTC)
 * Agree. There is a need to find a balance between assuming what a reader familiar with this topic already knows and marking the rest as out-of-scope. I couldn't find any suitable article which explains the properly the situation for maybe say a further link? Ugog Nizdast (talk) 15:19, 19 May 2016 (UTC)
 * "met Wilhelm Liebknecht" and who's he? A reader shouldn't be forced to click on that link.
 * I have added "Marxist activist" before his name. Midnightblueowl (talk) 09:55, 16 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "group of Russian Marxist emigres based in Switzerland, soon visiting Switzerland to meet group members " Redundant. Perhaps "soon visiting the group to meet members"
 * I've changed the prose here to deal with the problem. Midnightblueowl (talk) 09:55, 16 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "go on trips to hunt duck and snipe and to swim in the..." what does just "snipe" mean here, the two "and"s make it awkward. Link or clarify. Ugog Nizdast (talk) 15:20, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
 * A snipe is a wading bird. I've added a link and changed the wording of the sentence slightly, although I'm not sure how exactly to remove one of the instances of "and". Midnightblueowl (talk) 09:55, 16 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "To evade Bavarian police" why were they after him?


 * The block quotes "Death or Freedom!" and WW1 don't show any context. What is the pertinence? Is it a prominent one or is it placed where "normal prose cannot be used to explain an idea"?
 * Done! Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:35, 20 May 2016 (UTC)


 * The "In response to the Revolution of 1905" para says he was in Petersburg, last line says he was in Finland, not exactly written when he travelled.
 * I've added mention of this! Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:08, 30 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "...and while there he sued a motorist" seems random and trivial? any reason why this is relevant?
 * It's something that gets mentioned in a number of Lenin biographies, and while it might not be particularly important in the grand scheme of his life, perhaps it does shine some light on his personality. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:35, 20 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "Lenin in disguise, Finland, August 1917,..." can use a caption stating "after the provisional government wanted him arrested" or something. Ugog Nizdast (talk) 15:19, 19 May 2016 (UTC)
 * Good idea. Added. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:35, 20 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "Sovnarkom", shouldn't it be preceded by "the"?
 * I know that that would appear to make sense given that in English we often refer to "the government", however, in the reliable sources I've been using it is apparent that they often use "Sovnarkom" without any preceding "the". Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:29, 28 May 2016 (UTC)


 * " to ignore pre -Bolshevik laws" or pro-Bolshevik laws?
 * It is indeed "pre-Bolshevik". However, as this can clearly result n confusion I think that it is best if I change this to "pre-existing". Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:27, 28 May 2016 (UTC)


 * Sovnarkom and Lenin have been used alternatively. Not sure whether consistency should be maintained. Ugog Nizdast (talk) 14:51, 21 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "While Zinoviev became the International's President", which one?, International or Comintern?
 * Comintern was also known as the Third International; I shall make that clear in the prose. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:51, 28 May 2016 (UTC)


 * "with Service suggesting" who? not introduced before.
 * I've dealt with this. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:51, 28 May 2016 (UTC)

That's it, I've finally finished. As you can see the I couldn't find much to point out. Good luck. Ugog Nizdast (talk) 13:09, 25 May 2016 (UTC)
 * I've still got a few points to work on but I just wanted to offer my thanks, Ugog, both for your comments and the time that you took to read through the article and to offer them. I think that they have definitely helped improve the quality of the article! Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:33, 28 May 2016 (UTC)