Wikipedia:Wikipedia Signpost/2018-01-16/Humour

m'I bad?
I have serious problems. Every time I log in, I am overwhelmed with an uncontrollable urge to vandalize. Once I talk myself down from the ledge, take a deep breath, and give myself a couple of slaps it eventually passes. So then I get back to work. I put on my grown-up face and dig in and the urge to vandalize begins to dissipate. One day it got really bad. I took a break and then typed the word 'squirrel' into a Google news search box. Squirrels are a very notable group of rodents, btw. I hit the mother lode.

But now they're back. My urges, I mean (not the squirrels).

A very wise and experienced editor agreed to a counseling session to deal with my issues. Though they admitted that they did not possess a sense of humour, they advised me to take out those urges in/on The Signpost. This seemed like a reasonable option when compared to being blocked.

It is frustrating to see how much content is really missing in Wikipedia and in all its mirrors. I still maintain that article creation is NOT vandalizing, but writing on topics that are inherently humourous is the placebo I need to NOT vandalize. Perhaps others may need an outlet to thwart their own urges to vandalize the encyclopedia. Therefore, and thusly I have created another list that appears below. The redlinks below have accompanying references, some of which are fabulous, non-sensible blogs, but can support the general notability guidelines of these topics. You can thank me for finding these references in the comments section below. I did the work and I am offering others the chance to experience honor, popularity, fame, glory, DYKs, barnstars, rambunctious talk page discussions, deletions, reversions, topic bans and Signpost articles about what you've done. They are:


 * Toe jam (slang)undefined
 * Don't be fooled into thinking that this might be a group of musicians who get together every Wednesday night making music with their feet. Not only is this topic notable for its anatomical odor and fuzz but it has connections with cheese innoculants. Another article that is missing and related to this one would be the actual method of injury that occurs when, in the middle of the night, you leave your bed to only have your big toe slam into something big, heavy and hard on the way to the water closet. This article is called Toe jam trauma.
 * Don't be fooled into thinking that this might be a group of musicians who get together every Wednesday night making music with their feet. Not only is this topic notable for its anatomical odor and fuzz but it has connections with cheese innoculants. Another article that is missing and related to this one would be the actual method of injury that occurs when, in the middle of the night, you leave your bed to only have your big toe slam into something big, heavy and hard on the way to the water closet. This article is called Toe jam trauma.


 * Sappiness
 * It is a potentially high-scoring word in Scrabble OR a leaky plant. Mawkish may be a synonym. Don't you just love English?


 * Doggy wheelchair
 * spammy version
 * If wide-eyed, sad looking Bassett hounds don't make you cry, this will. Where are the cat wheelchairs? I guess the folks who nail kitties with automobiles tend not to miss.


 * Puppy breath
 * People write about this as if it is a good thing.


 * Moose attacks
 * Though a cabal has not been proven with certainty, supremacy in close human encounters is always on the side of the moose, especially if you are walking your puppy with the bad breath.


 * Anal crypts
 * This is anatomy – not gang warfare. Please note that the references do not meet the guidelines of WP:MEDRS but you can find these future hemmoroids between the rectal columns. The Emergency Medicine Wiki has this article and so we know they aren't running a mirror of WP. This way too much information, but the eighth graders will like it.
 * This is anatomy – not gang warfare. Please note that the references do not meet the guidelines of WP:MEDRS but you can find these future hemmoroids between the rectal columns. The Emergency Medicine Wiki has this article and so we know they aren't running a mirror of WP. This way too much information, but the eighth graders will like it.


 * Hamster obesity
 * It is a real thing.


 * Tuba toss
 * This is what happens when musicians think they are atheletes. Though not yet an Olympic sport, there are serious contenders.


 * Cat teeth
 * The logo on the webpage of the second reference has an uncanny resemblance to the Women in Red project logo. I'm not kidding. Also, cats can reabsorb their teeth??? I'm still not kidding.


 * Water up your nose
 * This is a thing, an event that almost every human has experienced. It is painful and annoying. Sometimes a little critter will ride the wave up into your nose, wiggle its way into your brain, turn it into a sponge, and then you die.


 * Monsters under the bed
 * A cultural belief that there are monsters under your bed. I believed in this so strongly as a child that I would stand in the hallway, start running through my bedroom door, leap ten feet into the air to land safely on my bed. I ran so fast that the monsters under my bed did not have a chance to grab my legs and pull me under. Some lame sources claim that parents can make spray that will eliminate the beasts, but no child ever believes this is true.

No attribution for the above content is necessary and I am completely to blame.